Part I: Pain to Path Conceptualization

Note: This is really long. I'd recommend getting a cup of coffee and a sandwich.

Challenges are an Ongoing Part of Life

Most of us come to 7 Cups because we are in some level of distress and we want to feel better. Some of us will not just have one challenging experience and move on. We will, unfortunately, likely be in harmful relational systems and circumstances (bad parents, work environment, partners, friends, families etc.). These are really hard to change and we often feel stuck in these systems. So, as a consequence, we will likely have repeated experiences of stress and frustration due to arguments, conflict etc. that arise from these difficult relationships.

Another reason some of us will not just have one experience of pain and move forward is because we - unfortunately and unintentionally - have learned to relate/behave in ways that may continue to create pain in our lives. For example, if Im a chronic worrier, then it is likely that I grew up in an environment where I didnt feel safe. Worrying was an adaptive skill that kept me on my toes and quick to adapt to harmful situations. When I get older as a teen and then adult Ill imagine threat and risk where there is not real threat and risk.

We are usually not aware - stated differently, we are often unconscious - of the system that we are in and we are also unaware of our own self-reinforcing patterns that result in pain. i.e., it is hard for me to get outside of my life and objectively look at it like a friend might be able to do. Instead, life will just feel uncontrollable to me. Ill feel bad, maybe feel better for a while, then start to feel bad again. I wont necessarily understand that there are thinking/feeling/relating/systemic patterns that trigger the feeling bad processes.

Therapy & Community as Ways to Cope

When the situation is bad, or when we are in a lot of pain, some of us go to therapy. A good therapist will build rapport, establish trust, and gradually help make the unconscious conscious. They will help us see and be able to talk about the triggers (both systemic and internal). They help map our feelings into words. Words help us become aware of something. If we can talk about it, then we are in a better position to change it.

Some of us dont go to therapy. Instead we might join a religion or a movement or another group to help us better address our pain (note: there are many reasons why people join these groups, this is just one reason why some segment joins). The common denominator or healing agent that these share is a sense of community. A secondary agent is the worldview outlined by the community. It gives some of us a map to better understand our problems.

Therapists, in general, are better at giving us short-term relationships, skills, and insight to help us feel better. Communities (movements, religions, groups) are much better at giving us a narrative and network to support us. Therapists are great for short-term help, whereas communities are better for more long-term and sustained help.

7 Cups attempts to integrate the best of both worlds. We use proven active listening skills and theories to help people feel better (therapy world); additionally, we provide a narrative and a network to help people continue to grow (community world).

Community on 7 Cups

Clearly, weve focused much more on the therapy world since we launched. This was primarily because of my bias and training as a mental health professional. We kind of accidentally stumbled upon community on the listener side as we, all of us, built a thriving organization of listeners. We then gradually started to build community on the member side, but we need to do much better. Not that we deliberately did a bad job, we were just unaware. We have focused on the therapy world and more or less, unintentionally, have minimized the community world.

Community + Listening/Therapy = A Path to Healing

Okay, so what does all of the above mean in the context of what we are trying to now? We want to help people that have just one conversation, feel better and leave, move to a place where they can feel a sense of community and continue to grow. It may well end up that being in community is key to overcoming challenges and maintaining health gains.

How do we do that?

1. We need to show that the site is not just a chat site, it is also a community that provides a path you walk down to meet great people and learn new skills. I think our new designs communicate this.

2. Community! - It is all about our community. The follow feature and feed should really help as they seem to significantly increase the number of positive connections a person has in their life. We want all Guests/Members/Listeners feel welcome and at home.

As outlined above, many of us might have distant or harmful or negative people surrounding us. What really helps us grow is having positive and healthy people around us - they help to pull us forward in our wellness journey. We, as a community, can be those positive relationships that pull one another forward.

3. Narrative - having an overall way of conceptualizing life, identifying where we are and where we want to go, explaining problems/suffering etc. is very important and helps us cope. That thing didnt work out? No problem! ‘it wasnt meant to be! We rationalize because it helps us cope. Communities that have a worldview are much more successful than communities that do not have an overarching narrative. Weve started this with our mission and our values and more with our recent app tour/onboarding flow, but we have more to do here. Ultimately, Id like to see us see/recognize/feel that our pain/suffering brought us to the path that is 7 cups. Then, once we are on that path, we continue on it because we have discovered a great community, proven steps, and a greater sense of meaning in life.

4. Making growth a habit - There is an old saying that the only way to beat a bad habit is to replace it with a good habit. We can make it easier for all of us to keep taking positive steps in our lives if we make it a process that is easier to start and repeat.

5. New and interesting content - feed. We like new info and dislike old info. The feed should provide new encouraging and supportive info.

6. Listener small groups - another way we can build community is to allow listeners to unlock the ability to have a private chat room. There, listeners could invite members and have a sort of continuous group support process/flow. The listener would set the emotional frame for the group. Note: this feature will be much further out and is something we are just beginning to conceptualize. This is an idea that @Cadence shared with Xian and one that I think will be pretty helpful.

Moving from Pain to Path

We, want to replace unhelpful behaviors with helpful behaviors so people can more readily grow through their pain.

Here is one way of visualizing this:

Internal/External Trigger > Behavior > Relief

Internal triggers are things like depression, anxiety, loneliness, or bad memories. External triggers are things like a fight with your boss, your car breaking down, a computer virus etc.

A less than positive response to painful triggers looks like this:

Depression > Drinking (all harmful addictive behaviors) > Relief (even if temporary)

We want this to change so that it looks like this:

Depression > 7 Cups > Relief
Anxiety
Breakups
Stress etc.

Then, as we create more connections in 7 cups (community world) and we learn more about how to navigate life (therapy world), we should be in a better position to grow through our pain, grow stronger, and become more confident.

Note: We are already doing much of the above; I just wanted to share an overall conceptualization with all of you. There is, however, much more we could be doing and we could also do some things more efficiently. Well soon be adding Part II: Pain to Path Implementation. Please add practical ideas on how we can help make the above a reality. An example would be that via the feed a member or listener will be able to heart a persons post, badge achievement, or milestone unlocked. This is just one small way a person can feel championed on their path.