Today, I am feeling.....

Hopeful

I feel moody and angry but I am trying to get past that and act like the carefree, no fs given person I know I can be

Distracted.

And anxious about my forthcoming exams

Miserable, useless, alone.

Sad. Lonely.

Lonely, guilty, disgusting, weak

Depressed and ashamed...due to years of abuse...

I'm trying to get through it though...

calm and a bit anoyed...trying to reach nirvana feels similar ... Idk just to not be on tence...

37 years ago today my husband crashed his motorcycle. We had been Christmas shopping when he decided he wanted to talk to his buddies from a previous job I was okay with it because I was going to the store across the parking lot to buy my GP an outdoor temperature gage. When I came back to the car he wasn't there when I asked his friends they said he was across the street buying beer I waited when his buddy returned he wasn't with him I asked where he was he said he took him home to get is motorcycle. When I got home he was gone. I was so mad I thought really bad things about him. You know the kind the ones where you just wish they would die. I was 71/2 months pregnant. I went to my best friends house which was his brothers house after watching them chase each other around they were newlyweds. The phone rang when his brother got off the phone he said get in the car now. He didn't say a word when we arrived at the hospital my husbands best friend met us at the entrance. He looked at me he said didn't they tell you your husband had wreck it's serious. I lost him feb 6 the day after my daughter was born. So I'm feeling kinda of out of sorts you could say.