6+ Years & She just gave up on us
My girlfriend of 6+ years decided to end our relationship on March 1st, 2022. She said she can't "do this" anymore. I begged and pleaded for her to give us a chance. To not give up on our love but she just kept saying she was done. I know our relationship wasn't perfect, like everyone we had ups & downs. But I really thought our love was worth protecting and fighting for... We've had close calls before but she never let me leave. She would always tell me she didn't want me to go and that she loved me. This time she let me leave with all of my belongings. She didn't fight or try to take any responsibility for her part that contributed to why we broke up. Yet I was there begging for her to fight for me. For us. She just shutdown and left me alone. I've moved back to my family home since then and have been receiving support from my siblings and family. I'm so devastated and hurt. I feel worthless and empty. I try to talk to her and ask for closure but since the break up she has been ghosting/giving me the silent treatment. I just want to know if this is it? If there's no hope of fixing things... But she won't talk to me. I did not want to break up. I wanted to work on things and fix the relationship. How could she just give up on me? I struggle with depression and anxiety, this heatache is debilitating. I can't sleep, I break down randomly throughout the day, I feel so... Broken...
And because I'm the dumpee seeking closure but getting the silent treatment I feel stuck in this middle limbo of holding on for hope and letting go to heal. Ugh.
Also, the day after she broke up with me she sought comfort in her ex claiming to be best friends. Throughout our relationship she had me believing her and her ex were not talking. Her ex once tried to run them both off the road by grabbing the steering wheel. I don't understand how she can just run back to her for comfort. I don't know if it was to hurt me or if this whole thing was going on in secret, which makes me feel sick to my stomach. My ex violated my trust in our relationship twice and I forgave her both times. I believed she wouldnt betray my trust again but seeing her with her ex is causing so much unwanted/negative thoughts. Its making me physically sick.
I don't know how to move on. I don't want to move on. I'm scared. This woman was/is my person. I love her unconditionally and only want good things for her. I'm still in love with her. I'm breaking my own heart I guess.. She won't give me closure.. My heart hurts.
@CLvee
Hey there, hopefully you are doing well
It's understandable how you feel at this time, it can be quite hurtful not knowing the exact reason why things ended between the two of you. I do understand the way you felt about you not giving on the relationship when things went sideways because of her, and now she decides to leave after all you two went through.
I do see why you are trying to seek closure from her, however it's really putting you in a position where you are getting even more hurt. It's hurtful she had not been receptive to talk with you, but this is a time where you have to think about your own well being. Right now, she has different view and mindset on the relationship than you do. She made the decision (which it must had been difficult for her), and now she want to remain firm on her decision. You want the relationship and closeness back (which is understandable you want this) , however trying to get her back at this moment in time will make her become even more firm on the decision she made. This is where she will start giving you silent treatment and not responding to messages.
About her ex, you have every right to feel the way you do, and the questions you have are valid as well. It's rough knowing she met with the ex after the way he behaved with her, and then trust issues you mentioned. It's very important to not seek any kind of closure with someone who is not willing to speak with you, even though it's hurtful not having the closure you seek. The important thing right now is your healing, everything will play it out itself in due time.
I don't even know how to heal from this. I just want to cry or vomit. I feel physically sick. The tension in my body is making me sore. My hands ache. Intrusive thoughts are like bullets aimed straight at my heart. The thought of moving forward without her is so damn scary. I was going to marry her. Gosh I want to love her forever! How come my love isn't enough?? I don't want to feel this pain anymore 😢
It's totally understandable how you feel right now, the breakup it's making you go through a lot of things at this time. The symptoms you mentioned are quite normal to experience, they are tied to abandonment issues. The best way to heal from it is to talk about it, it's how we heal from a breakup. I highly recommend getting a therapist here or close to you where you can share how you feel without feeling judged. They can also help you get through this, you don't deserve to go through this alone.
Hey, we’re in really similar situations. Im sorry you’re going through this, my boyfriend/fiancé of 10 years just decided he was going to leave randomly because he “needed to be alone to find himself”.
We haven’t split yet just because we can’t afford to right now, but he’s emotionally left me. My advice for you is this, it will be hard, it will hurt. She might come back she might not. Right now, focus as hard as you can on yourself. Pursue something you’ve always wanted to try and throw yourself into it, live one day at a time.
You’re not broken, though you may feel that way. I’m sorry for your lack of closure. I’m struggling with that as well. Beyond a vague “I need to be alone” with no explanation of what that means, I have no reason why things have ended between us. I’m sending you love and strength to get through this, it will be hard but be strong. Rely on your family and any friends you may have to get you through this, maybe she will give you closure in the future.
It hurts. Grieving someone who is still alive. The feeling of worthlessness is overwhelming. My anxiety is crippling right now. I'm so scared of the uncertainty. How could someone who loved me all these years be okay with hurting me? I never would've wished this feeling on her. I have intrusive thoughts telling me I'm the reason, my mental health and insecurity ruined everything. Funny thing is I was never insecure until she violated our trust by entertaining other ppl while we were together. I forgave her for it.. And she left me even when id never wish hurt or harm in her. I feel empty.
Im going threw something similar except we have a kid together and he wants us to work on our sleves still sleep together but no relationship no living together.. amd hes having single girls come over but wants us to try and get back together in about 6 mths he literally will keep going in circles and im so lost and hurt
@CLvee- Sorry to hear you
are going through this. Sadly closure does not always happen. Reach out to friends and family. Connect with listeners here for 1:1 chats. Enroll in counseling for yourself. And as hard as it might be - just take care of yourself. Get enough sleep, eat right and try some exercise.
You are in the raw stages of grief losing a partner. It will get better. Moment by moment.
