Second day waking up by myself
He broke up with me (27F) and left me in our apartment two days ago after four years together. We had taken a few days before that separately to “think”. This was my idea after he brought up the initial thought of us breaking up. He was being wishy-washy and couldn’t tell me for sure he wanted things to be over and I couldn’t bare to see this relationship and all of our memories given up so easily. I wasn’t going to let it go without trying to fight for it first, however I could (but turns out that was just me willing to fight). So he left the apartment for a few days and we did no contact. This was probably a mistake as I just continued to hold out false hope. I just wanted him to come back and tell me how much he had missed me and how much I mean to him. I didn’t expect him to and deep down I definitely knew what was coming, but I still had a little hope that this couldn’t be it. He came back and we talked and it was exactly what I was dreading was going to happen. He told me again that he believed that our lives were going in different directions. That he now more than ever can see what he wants his future to look like and this relationship just doesn’t fit that. We cried, hugged, and cried more. And then he left. I’m crying again now remembering how much it hurt to look into his eyes and know that he sees something different in me than he had the previous four years. So now I’m in our apartment by myself. With all of his stuff here, photos of us, and sweet memories in every room. I have intrusive thoughts while I lie in this bed and even my body reminds me of him. It hurts so bad. I can’t eat or sleep. I have an emotional breakdown every couple minutes. Every time my phone lights up my heart drops and I hope it’s him, knowing it won’t be. Every time I hear a car pull up I run to the window looking for his car, knowing it won’t be there. Our relationship was good. I thought this was it. I understood the direction he wanted his life to go in, and I had been trying to push it in that direction for years. And now I feel like it’s finally really going there and I’m being left behind. I wanted to have that life with him and I KNOW that we could have even though he doesn’t see it... But now that future, our future, is just gone. I have no vision for what my future could possibly look like now. And I know this sounds dramatic, but it really feels like I could never be that happy again. A week and a half ago on my birthday he told me that I and all of the memories we made together were part of the reason 2020 wasn’t a complete garbage fire of a year and that he thought 2021 would be even better for us. I can’t fathom how he went from that to leaving me in less than two weeks. I’m confused and heartbroken. I don’t have a very strong support system here as I moved across the country to be with him about 3 years ago. No family, very limited friends. Most of the people that I would consider my friends that live remotely close to here (2 hours away) are his very close friends from college, which are also relationships I’m also not ready to let go of. Thankfully I have an incredible mother who has just sat on the phone with me all day yesterday, even if were just sitting there silently, it’s really nice to have her and she reminds me I shouldn’t send him that text (I’m on the phone with her silently now). I don’t know what I’d do without her. He’s coming over sometime this week so we can discuss living situations, furniture, etc. which I feel incredibly conflicted over. Even though I shouldn’t be, I am sort of looking forward to it because I miss him so fucking much and just want him here again. I still have this thought that maybe he’ll realize this is a huge mistake. I know he won’t, but I still have hope... I don’t want to beg him to stay, but I’m not fully confident I won’t be able to keep myself from trying anything I can. I can’t bare for it to be the last time we’re together here. This post was much longer than I was intending so thanks to anyone for reading. I haven’t really told anyone about this other than my mom and boss (because I was crying at work and simply couldn’t avoid it), so it feels weirdly relieving to get it off my chest to some internet strangers. I’m hurting so bad :(
I need to talk
I am not happy at all,am heartbroken and scarred,seeing my ex getting married hurts me a lot,when he moved on,I also tried ,but it resulted in further heartbreaks,one was toxic, another was full of mindgames,what do these men want I don't know,I feel very lonely,crying nights,I feel I will be alone forever,and will diealone
I have read every msg of this thread,and I wish strength to u all,but can anyone tell me how to face loneliness?
All my friends are happy in stable relationships,my ex who left me due to religious differences and his family's disapproval is fully happy,the last person I loved showed so much interest at first I was in cloud 9, but out of the blue he stopped contact,I don't know what they want,my dreams of happily ever after is shattered forever
I thought God will send my life partner who will love me unconditionally,I don't want financial stability,I just need a lifetime friendship,I crave a companion,I want somebody to care for me,I want someone eagerly waiting for a fruitful conversation at the end of a hectic day,I want both of us to grow,I want to see the entire world and live my dreams with him,but the bitter experiences have taught me my partner is not here on this world,I wudnt have suffered so much,the endless crying in prayer s, and at night,the lump in my throat,I will have to live alone
@toxicoden
How are you? I was thinking of you ♥️
@toxicoden
I feel your pain so much right now. I am in your positon right now. The unfortunate part is that my ex is dragging the breakup out. She doesn't want to hurt me and feels guilty for leaving, but is kinda sticking around. So I am constantly on edge waiting for her to show up, looking out the windows, checking my phone more than usual. At the end of the day, you have you protect yourself and do what's the best for you, even if it hurts.
It's really good to have a connection with your mom though! My mom has become my bestfriend over the past two months. It really does get better though, I promise! Even though your world feels like it's crashing down you will make it through.
Nearly a month passed by now. I hope you’re doing better. It’s not easy! I know exactly what you’re going through. From description of emotional distress to physical pain, I’ve been there... I AM there! It’s not easy. But time does dull the pain. There really is nothing to do other than getting out of your shell. Literally going out to be among people. Going for walks. Driving to places with people. Don’t be alone as much as you can... and give it time. I’m so sorry you’re hurting. I swear I know how it feels. Stay strong and feel better.
I cried while reading this, I am going through something very similar. I hope you can find healing in your heart, you deserve it.
Hi I just got dumped this week and we were together for more then a year and seeing this made me realize people have it harder then me but how r u getting through this. I really want a update on how ur doing mentally cuz right now I’m not doing good at all all I think about is him and he won’t answer any of my calls or anything he wants nothing to do with me and I can’t believe it. I’m in shock I feel like I keep trying to fight it because I want him so badly he made me feel loved and was the only one who I felt genuinely happy with and around. I feel like I won’t find anyone else that I will love or have a connection with like that I’m so broken. Please reach out, anyone