I think I'm getting abused
This girl and I just started dating 3 months ago. Initially things seemed great, but when I asked what her story was as in background, she said she didn't have one and that she was allowed to have her own opinion on the matter.
Things progressed and one day she got on me for coughing. I have asthma and pretty bad allergies. The first time I spent the night with her, it was a tough adjustment for my health. Even with cough drops, my inhaler, and everything you could imagine the cough persisted. She grew angry with me and told me I had to stop. That I wouldn't be allowed around her friends because they'd think I have COVID.
Some time would pass and she began to show signs of gaslighting. I was questioning her investment in me, whether or not she wanted me, or if I was the only one in this. She said I always made problems from nothing. We have shared the bed and she often wants nothing to do with me. How am I supposed to feel? Loved? Appreciated?
I've sent flowers to brighten her day, poems to make her know how I feel, wrote songs for her, have made meals for her to take to work. With each gesture it constantly feels like it's not enough.
We recently took a trip together. 3 day cruise for her friend's bday. Her friends family enjoyed me, her friend respected me, and her friends boyfriend commented on how cool I was. My girlfriend decided to yell at me privately for cracking my joints, told me to stop tapping her shoulder to get her attention in loud spaces, and said I wasn't loosening up because I wasn't drinking as much as everyone else. I don't normally drink at all. I don't like the smell or taste of alcohol, and frankly shouldn't that be my choice?
We got back from the trip and she says we should get breakfast after picking her dog up from the sitters. We get the dog in the car and I asked if she wanted to drop the dog off first and get the food, or just take the dog to get food with us. She claimed to sarcastically ask me "if I'm asking to get food, what do you think that means". I grew silent, but when she repeated her question expecting a response.. I was hurt.
I'm even tempered, I don't lash out, I express my feelings throughout. When telling her how her actions have made me feel, she calls me too sensitive, says that I'm too much at times, even questions my "manlyness".
I told her I needed some help. That I was going to therapy to process all of these thoughts and feelings, so that I can handle it appropriately and feel safe talking to her. Here's the kicker, she's a social worker for two hospital emergency rooms. She doesn't take accountability for how her actions have made me feel, or what her words are doing to me. I tell her I cry driving home when she's been cruel and all she says is that it's unfortunate. I'll tell her I'm feeling nauseous (food poisoning) and she calls me dramatic. She's compared me to previous partners saying I'm better than most, says I'll never be better than the men in her life, and I've been here telling her that I'm not trying to be compared to anyone. I'm trying to be me, to be my own man, to own my role in our struggles, and get better for myself. But to her, I struggle with being better than other people in her life.
Everyone has told me to walk away. While I'm getting to that point.. I have to know.. am I doing something wrong? I've never shouted at her, told her to stop doing something, or insulted her. I've praised, cared for, appreciated, and done everything imaginable to improve. But these constant behaviors, the way I'm treated, and the way I'm spoken to leave me feeling disregarded, disrespected, and hurt. I have a high tolerance, but this is getting to a point too far.
I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong. I think your self love and health is most important. If you’re able I’d be explicit but also wary of gaslighting but you’re dating and have every right to walk away
@redCity290
Yeah, get out of that relationship ASAP.
@redCity290
It sounds to me like she wants you to meet an image she has in her head not accepting you as you..
that will not change IMO and talking to her will not fix anything walk away ..... sooner then later too many people seem to see red flags and have issues but push forward hoping it will change etc because they are perhaps tired of looking for the right fit and they are trying to make this one work.
let her make the next guys life miserable .......you can do better
she sounds like a total b****, definetly u can do alot better, get out asap.
It sounds like she doesn't want to be with you, but doesnt know how to communicate it with you, but actions speaks louder than words. I have learnt normally when someone hurts your feelings without remorse and like whatever you do annoys them. Even your very presence annoys them it is their silent way of telling you that they don't want to be with you. She should have understood your health condition and be supportive instead of lashing out on you making you feel bad for having allergy problems. I think you have tried to prove to her that you want a relationship with her but she doesn't seem to care too much about you nor seem like she wants a relationship. Sometimes separating yourself is not such a bad thing and mayb then after the pressure of her feeling like she is in a relationship has gone she will open up and tell you how she truly felt about you then. That is after all this you decide to have any communication with her after all this. Because after separation for sometime from a relationship you can now see clearly what was actually happening within the relationship at the time. Also sometimes people may just be going through something and dont know how to communicate that either. But in your case it kind of sounds like the problem is with you and not the first thing i said,as it seems your the only person she is upset with. Good luck to you.
End it bro!! She obviously has zero respect for you and it’s not acceptable to let yourself be treated like that. Like don’t get me wrong, my girlfriend and I have our own struggles and problems, but at the end of the day we talk it out and listen to each other. That’s what healthy relationships are like. Even when you’re down in the dumps man, she should let you know she is there for you.
sounds to me like she’s a narcissist and someone who doesn’t want to loved emotionally at the moment. I hate sounding rude, but I say it’s time to make you happy bruvvv
I’ve been to something like this and bcoz of some narcissistic ppl , we feel that we are doing something wrong!
Don’t let anyone feel this way about you! You sound like a gentle man and you don’t deserve this shit!
its hard to go through something like this but just rip off the band aid and be proud of yourself
Oh my love....please please trust and believe that you are not in the wrong and you have done nothing wrong whatsoever. You sound a very kind and compassionate individual and honestly....you deserve to be with someone who totally appreciates you.
No one can tell you what to do, it is up to you. But you deserve more, to be valued and cared for and if you are not getting that, then i would question what are you getting out of this relationship ? What makes you feel good about it ? Uplifted and happy ? Trust in your own worth and look for someone who can see it too. You deserve so much more. Hold your value highly.
Big hugs and all the best xxxx