Mom had to tell Dad off about his behaviour again
Background:
So it's really annoying living with a Dad who always thinks he's knows best like always. He has had cows in the past about everything like how much cheese I have on my cheese sandwhiches (not just the cheese itsself but spreads i put on), or how i have boiling water for like "ramyeon" on too high, or being afraid I will spill Wendy's chili fries on the newspaper, or telling me to buy $5.00 lunch back in 2016. That's just food he has had cows about, he once threatened to leave me on the side of the road to get to the bowling alley just because he thought what I said ("how many times did I take a bookbag to bowling?") was 'being Snarky'. There's other incidents as well-as can be seen on a previous threads. Inside and outside of the house it turns into a yelling/screaming match and inside I have to get Mom to talk to him to tell him off as long as she's in the house.
As Mom told me the other week, that "Dad always expect something nasty to come out of my mouth" I think exactly the same thing about him that I always expect "something nasty to come out of his mouth"
As I mention, I made a quesadilla for supper last night and I had leftovers to eat today and one of Dad's things is that "he doesn't like me microwaving plastic" and I had put the leftovers in a container. I also like to read the newspaper during lunch.
Story:
So I knew Dad didn't like me microvan stuff in plastic (I wasn't thinking about the plate, I was thinking about the container) I asked Mom how to deal with it. So I used the bowl Dad had used for his breakfast to microwave the filling with. I then toasted my toast and then transfered the filling onto the bread and then went to eat and read the paper. Dad started asking me if the food tasted okay and I started telling him off because I didn't want to bother to answer his question and I also wanted to read the paper. And he threatened to throw me out of the house for good -like literally got up and throw Mom's chair into the pile of books behind it (which I cleaned up) and was yelling at me and I was yelling at him. And more we screamed at each other, the more my food was getting cold. And he said "I'm living in his house and should obey his rules" or some crap like that. I raced upstairs to Mom and I told her a bit of what was going on and I went backdownstairs and warmed up my lunch again and actually eat it in peace which i could have had if Dad had knocked off asking me question in the first place-not that I could pay attention on the paper anymore thanks to Dad.
Because I had too much to put on the piece of bread I had-I was microwaving the other leftover, I could hear Mom tell Dad off in the family room when she came down after she got out. "She knew you didn't like her microwaving plastic so she had asked me already and I told her" and Dad "Why couldn't she have told me herself" Mom: " Because to her everything you say sounds accusing, like she has done something bad because you act like you always knows best" and around and around the same thing.
After I finished the rest of the meal, I then had to clean up the mess of the books Dad had created when he throw Mom's chair into them when he threaten to throw me out.
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Geeze any wonder why I want to go out of town to join a program when I have to deal with Dad's nonene like this alot?
@Disneywoman
From what you have shared, your Dad seems to be fairly rigid in his thinking. Is he neurodivergent or does he have OCD? You growing up may be aggravating some of the anxiety connected with those (or could just be anxiety on it's own). It doesn't excuse his behaviour though.
Do you think the 2 of you could have a conversation when you're both calm and aren't focusing on other things? Maybe your mom could mediate.
@AffyAvo we're both seem to have Autism and also have low self esteem. Dad's been like this since 2003 when he would constantly ask me where Mom was when i came home without her (left her at church for either play or choir practice depending on the time of year ) and then would ask if I had lunch but most Sundays my church would only have small snacks like banana bread, grapes, and crackers and cheese, etc after church during "social time" . Like i been Mom's unofficial sectary since 2003 because Dad expects me to have Mom's schedule memorize, even when she' s in the house itself. Like i need serious backpay for it /s
I just would like him to bug off about my meals, because as Mom told him before "I have so little control over my own life"
here some other stories:
https://www.7cups.com/forum/relationships/General_2449/Dadliedabouttellingmetopostthetoastdownandthenheclaimedhedidnt_374147/
and there's others on the site about Dad as well
@DisneywomanSo you can likely empathize with your dad in a way most others cannot. That's usually a good starting place.
You have recognized more time apart would be healthy. A calm discussion (plus processing time) may help him agree to that too.
@AffyAvo That causes a whole other set of problems because of lack of options for me to do. That's an entirely another thread. My old program is only online, and the sister program in both locations were crowded, but the current location as of Jan '25, it was so crowded there I had to be near the outside door and it was winter time! It's like being at family reunion and everyone's sitting at one table and there's no room for hands unless you want to bang the hand of someone next to you.-in other words there's no place to breathe. So (day-program's) place wasn't specular, but there was room to breathe, and at least if you weren't interested you could either use the computers there, or you could instead go 2 other rooms, either the lunch room if we weren't using it for the morning's activies, or the art room to do art stuff.
There's a program in Pickwick but Mom's thinks "I wouldn't fit in there" because most of them except for (camper from Disabled summer camp) and another former (day-program) particpant, seem to be more severely disabled then I am. There's also the other problem Mom thinks is she prefers me going to a program which is run by a group(s) in the region as opposed to something privately owned.
So that leaves only the Patriation House option and I just don't really want to be stuck around town or in the region. I want to be able to leave the region occasionally to do stuff w/o Mom- like the "field trips" the (day-program) took like to the museum, or the Aquarium in Toronto, or the zoo for instance. And what I heard from a PH leader on Sunday, is that the only day they seem to be in one spot seems to be on Wednesdays- other days (don't know about Mondays, because they're cleaning up this week because of Earth day)- Tuesday & Thursday they volunteer somewhere, and Friday's they go bowling or swimming.
I used to have the problem about not wanting to join a program intown because of me being "Harriet Potter" because I can be walking down the street and someone will say my name and I'm like "Who the *** are you?" and the stigma attached to Disabled people even though most times I don't care about being called disabled. But that could happen technically anywhere- since I ran into a former neighbour/schoolmate at the bowling alley on Sunday who I hadn't seen in awhile.
@DisneywomanCan you come up with some other options that are local?
How do you function in groups that aren't disabled programs? A class, activity, part-time job, etc?
@AffyAvo
Can you come up with some other options that are local?
the only other non-disabled options are for people who have families, either single parents, or a groups for families, for elderly people, and most book clubs are for middle-age women as far as I can tell.
Not counting Neurodivergent adult D&D group that I'm looking into but that would be mostly be in the evenings I assume, not mornings/afternoons.
How do you function in groups that aren't disabled programs? A class, activity, part-time job, etc?
1.Part time job is totally out for me, since I'm on Disablity income and i need it for my medication
2.there's no classes I'm interested in taking really
3. No activies I can do really without a group of others do with it. Since you could probably get a discount with others that you can't get as a "party of one" or activies require a smart phone and you already seen my problem with that on the other thread.
4. The main problem I see with other groups is the same problem I had with my old day program and my old bowling league: was the youngest person there was 29 year old (as of 2019, I was 23 when I started in 2013), vs the everyone was between 37 (my sister's age as of 2019, to 91 (my late grandpa's age)
@Disneywoman Don't totally rule out the stuff for moms ad seniors!
Because of my health conditions I have done senior exercise classes in tge past. I also did the same with classes focused on moms. Everyone was welcoming!
It obviously needs to be the right group/activity for you, but sometimes that happens even if you aren't tge target demographic.
As for a job, is there nothing that would work that would keep you under the income threshold? I definitely understand need to be very cautious of that!
If there's nothing that's a good fit now, I hope you find something soon!
@AffyAvo how can I join something for Moms when I don't have any children like zip? zero? nip? I don't even have a partner to have children with! I meant single parents I mention peopel who split up either breaking up as BF/GF or divorce (marriage).
@Disneywoman It was an exercise class, no one minded I didn't have kids!
@AffyAvo that would me even weirder then being the youngest person in the room as 23-29 year old woman being the only adult in the room without children. I'm already get upset about having no children and all my friends do.
@Disneywoman I understand. It didn't bother me. The organizer would rotate through about 6 local playgrounds and have different types of classes. The moms had kids of all ages - babies to adult kids. We all got along. Some of the kids would play on the playground while we exercised but some moms came without kids.
If it's not something you would enjoy that's ok!
@AffyAvo It just would make me more desperate for wanting bio-children I'm turing 36 this year so not a lot of years left for me to have children. But then I can't excatly raise the said children in my parents' house and I live with them.
@AffyAvo I had been looking into stuff for years (back in 2017-2019) to find other things to do when I still had (day-program) and (bowling league) and it's still hasn't changed after Covid except for one evening activty: Neurodivergent D&D group that's the only thing that has changed
@Disneywoman I am glad you found the D&D group at least!
@AffyAvo I;m only looking into at the moment. It's only a fall-spring thing so the next option wouldn't be until Sept. And I assume it would only be in the evening. So i still need to have things to do in the morinings outside of Wednedays
