Seeking a reality check on men, attraction, and addiction
I’ve been spiraling a bit today after some things I read in the "Men’s Issues" community, and I really need a woman’s perspective—specifically from those of you currently in relationships.
Two things are stuck in my head and making me feel really down:
On Attraction: A man recently said, "Men can't love unattractive women." As someone who doesn't always feel attractive, this hit me hard. Is this actually how men think? Or is it possible to be loved deeply for who you are, even if you don't feel like you meet some "perfect" standard?
On Habits: When I went looking for "men's emotions" to understand them better, I mostly found posts about porn-related struggles. It made me feel very disconnected and, honestly, a bit cold. I'm struggling to feel pity for that. For those of you in relationships, is this something you actually deal with? Is it as common as these forums make it seem, or is there more to "men's issues" than just that?And do you find your partner not into it?
If someone can help with that. Please help kindly. I really need to pass these thoughts
@crimsonLemon6903
Real love not lust is based on who you are not looks. what is attractive for one person may be ugh for another.
I do feel an over amount admitting to problems with watching stuff are higher on this site then IRL.
@crimsonLemon6903
Hi, I'm male if it helps at all, for me attraction is part of the equation but if you are going to live with someone and share your heart, soul and life with them then a respectful emotional connection trumps all.
Do you mean a woman have to look like fairy to feel love for her
@crimsonLemon6903
Reread the original message.
I am sorry if it was mean. I am over sensitive and think negative
@crimsonLemon6903
I was happily married to my wife for 25 years, she was significantly taller and twice my weight but had an awesome sense of humour and personality. It was the emotional connection that mattered.
@crimsonLemon6903 mid 20s, in a loving relationship for years now
1. Oh girl. Where did you get this bs from. Most men do not define attractive by the social media pushed standard women are led to believe. Most of them have a basic requirements of be a woman, be alive, be nice to me. Sure, people have different definitions of attractive and do have various preferences, but that's actually a great thing. No matter how you look, there is most likely someone out there who thinks that's the most beautiful a woman can be, whether it's loving the nose shape you are insecure about or your tattoo you got at 18 and regret ever since. So as long as you maintain basic hygiene, you are all set and ready. What matters much more is your personality and the connection you have. Do you care about him, love him, do you have shared interests, topic, humor, can he be vulnerable with you and get support from you, do your life goals and values align? That matters much more in the long run.
2. As for the issues, men face a lot, and unlike us women, they mostly carry it alone. Some of the most frequent issues men face:
- Loneliness
- Not having a space to be vulnerable
- Lack of social support, as most of it is focused on helping women and children, men are often expected to figure things out on their own or are not taken seriously (think being victims of homelessness, addiction, domestic violence, mental health problems). Women get much more sympathy and support. In fact men often get none
- Unfair justice system - whether it's unfair divorce/custody bias or much longer and harsher punishments for the same crimes than women do, men start with a major disadvantage in the eyes of the system. And if you get a fake accusation of pretty much anything, your life is basically ruined. Guilty even if proven innocent
- Facing villainization - whether it's the men or bear type or thing or discrimination under DEI policies, men are often seen as a villain or discriminated against based on nothing but their gender
@crimsonLemon6903
as a woman who’s been in a relationship for 5 years i will say my partner is not one of those. i consider myself lucky tbh, he doesn’t judge me based on looks because i’m in fact very insecure about my appearance. before getting into fashion and all this make up, he loved me for who i was.
i think men who judge women solely by their appearance have no emotional intelligence. women are not just for looks and lust. we are human beings with goals and aspirations. any man that wants to reduce a woman to her attractiveness is shallow and will never find themselves in a long term relationship.
i used to feel disconnected too, it got to the point where i started hating men because i’ve been SA in the past. but now i just feel bad because a lot of these men don’t actually want to be porn addicts, they want to change but don’t know how to.
it’s very sad to think about. when women are struggling with something we naturally find ways to express ourselves and find healthy ways to heal, like opening up to our friends and families or going to therapy. men however are taught to suppress their emotions, being vulnerable is seen as weak so they turn to anger to let out their frustrations. they turn to p0rn because society tells them the only way to get a woman is by being rich or paying them for temporary pleasures.
