the grief of still loving someone who isn't gone but is no longer a part of your life
I have thought to myself so many times that I'm over him, I'm happy without him and I can comfortably say I've moved on. But then a feeling comes up or I have a visceral reaction that shows me otherwise. That there is still something deep within my soul that is so attached to him, and doesn't want to let go. But I know it's what I have to do.
A little over a year ago, I was broken up with by someone who I thought I could call a best friend for life. It honestly, without exaggeration, felt like I met the perfect match for me, or even someone who I could see being best friends with if no romantic chemistry was there, but it was there, it always was, even when I didn't want to admit it at first.
I've become aware since then of all the ways that I was betrayed or not treated very well, throughout our whole relationship. Either way, this person was the only one who made me feel understood more than I ever have in my whole life. I saw so much of myself in him, and I really believe that we are compatible, but we were always a case of "right person wrong time."
The grief that I felt from the breakup and from feeling him drift away from me, like he doesn't care about me anymore, was so devastating that it really has come and gone many times. When does the grief eventually stop coming back in waves? Will there always be things that remind me of him? Will I just have to accept that he might come to my mind unexpectedly and sadness will take over?
How do you fully move on from someone who once cared about you deeply, made you feel like a star, gave you a new meaning to your identity and your life? I also don't understand how he could have moved on so easily and so quickly. He never once reached out to me, never seemed to wonder about me, and we used to be best friends, or so I thought. But I know for a fact that he saw me with love and sincere adoration for a long time. He wanted me to be his girlfriend, but whenever the time was finally right, it's like he just wouldn't let whatever we had unfold. He told me some of the most personal kinds of stories/secrets that no one shares with just anyone. So I'll never understand how he could feel that safe with me and then run away from me like I'm a stranger to him. It's like someone just plucked all of the memories he had of me out of his brain.
I just want an answer as to when and how this suffering I'm going through will stop when it seems to be endless.
I appreciate anybody who reads and shares their thoughts or wisdom.
@peaceandblessings
I am sorry you are feeling this way it sucks. It is hard to let go when we pictured a much different outcome. I find it hard to let go of what was or what i pictured the future like.
It may not help but will share with you something I learned after a long time. People are always growing and changing... we do not always see it like that. We are too close to the situation to see how fast small changes happen in life. We think back to our best times or have such great conversations... moments we felt perfectly matched ........but I no longer believe in the "one" or perfect match there is none. IMO. it is not always one person either, both people change. I am not same person my partner met and formed a relationship and they are Not the same person I thought either. It is a choice to re connect continually.
When a person cannot do that and decide to move on it is so much easier for them. Because they are seeing it now not what it was and felt like in the beginning. Cherish your memories of what was but acknowledge what is now.
Hi
I'm feeling for you so much right now. I'm sorry for the hurt and confusion you're going through. I'm going through it too but further along and I can tell you it does get easier with time.
No one can say how long it will take and you may never fully recover. These sort of experiences can leave a scar but we can live a normal and happy life with them. It will come in waves some days fine where you feel you might have even gotten over them and can function normal and the next you're awake at 4 am crying your eyes out over a song.
I know you feel it was right and true love but the harsh reality is it wasn't other wise you wouldn't be here.
My advice is cut all contact delete anything and everything . Any means of contact no random messages to think and overthink of sending .
Allow yourself to feel the pain , work through the emotions and grief. If that's too much then distractions can help what ever they may be.
But overall be kind to yourself . You did nothing wrong . You loved you have effort but it's them or was beyond their capacity to accept it all. That's on them.
You're worthy of love and you will always be enough. Always.