An insecurity one can have in romantic relationship is..
We all are insecure in our relationships due to one or other reasons. What is one insecurity you have in your romantic relationship? How one could minimize or deal with it?
Let's talk about it!
@ASilentObserver
One insecurity you can have in a romantiic relationship is doubting whether you are good enough for your partner.What you can do to overcome it is keep communication open and honest,build trust and work on your insecurities so that you do not transfer your doubts and fears onto your partner,hold him accountable for them or blame him.The insecurities come from within us but very often people blame others for their issues.Jealosy can be an example of an insecurity.Being jealous is somehow related to feeling less than and is also a kind of needness and coincides .
@intellectualCake2979 You are so right! Having such self-doubts or jealousy are definitely insecurities that many experience when it comes to relationships, especially new ones. And they even can take a negative toll on them if the two individuals in the relationship are not open and communicative with one another.
@intellectualCake2979 You are so right about this. I too feel that I am not good enough for my partner. We have made sure to keep all our communications open and honest, and I am working on my insecurities. She lets me know without making me feel guilty when I am being insecure. I do not blame her for my insecurity, it is all my doing. I am trying to do better, and she is helping me.
@Offmytrack,
It"s a good idea to dig into your family history,meaning early childhood experiences.Insecurities can be related to unresolved co-dependency issues,so it's worth educating yourself about this,your partner can help you with this if you intend to be in this for the long run!Hope this helps,good luck!
Thanks, @intellectualCake2979. I remember my childhood experiences all too well, and there was much in there that led to insecurities. Now, all that is far in the past, and I get along great with my siblings. I still need to let go of my insecurities, and my family is actually good for that these days.
@Offmytrack,
You are welcome! :)Most people actually have issues and traumas in their past,resolving them is a life-long process but this is how we develop and grow,these are our life lessons to learn.They say every journey starts with that first step we make and recognizing our issues is the first step.I believe the people in this community have made that first step by being here,looking for help and answers.The most important things in every relationship,no matter whether it is intimate or friendship or work related are open and honest communication,mutual trust and respect!I hope everything goes well for you and your partner!BTW,today is my son's birthday,he's turning 17,we spent some time together,chatted for a while,ate delicious birthday cake,went out for a nice meal,basically enjoyed our day,I am a single mother and I am doing my best to raise him in a good way.Best wishes to you!
@intellectualCake2979, a very happy birthday wish to your son! And thank you for all you do, you are great!
@Offmytrack,
Thanks for your wishes,I'm just trying to contribute to this community in whatever way I canhelps me to find some peace myself,too.Not a. very happy holiday season for me,though.Can you believe I got fired last Friday by a new narcissistic boss,who targeted me right from the start?Do you see how such people choose certain times to get at you?Going to sue her and get my job back and make her leave,why not? :)
Take care and have great holidays!
@Offmytrack
You really hit the nail on the head. Alot of insecurities do come from your own self-doubt and mistrust, but I think it also comes from mistrust of others. Trusting your partner's feelings are important. If you don't trust them even if they are honest with you about how they feel, then that's when it becomes a real issue.
When I feel insecure, I try to focus on the fact that I know how my partner feels about me (the positive things). If this still doesn't help (for example if he hasn't said anything romantic for a while), it doesn't hurt to ask "Do you still think _______ about me? I just need a little reassurance right now"
@lovemusicpoetry023, one thing that I do absolutely trust is my partner. She is always completely honest with me, and I am with her. She gives me reassurance just looking at me. It's when I am away from her that I have occasional self-doubts.
@Offmytrack
Oh same here. I'm saying that most people start feeling insecure without their partner's presence. I think this is why insecure partners are clingy. They need their partner's presence to be re-assured.
I just experienced an insecure moment where I noticed he recently became friends with a super hot girl on Facebook. I became extremely jealous and wondering how they met. And he hadn't messaged me in a while, so I became suspicious that he was talking to another girl. But then he messaged me and explained on his own why he hadn't responded (he was talking to an aunt, seriously). I immediately regretted not trusting him and trusting that he loves me deeply and wouldn't be cruel enough to participate in infidelity.
@intellectualCake2979 Sounds like my husband. He turns to alcohol though instead of communicating his jealousy and insecurity. He tries to control me thinking that will cure his insecurity problem. Yet he gets drunk on a daily basis to hide his insecurity, but blames me for his alcoholism!
@TransAm85,
Narcissistic people don't take responsibility for their behaviour,it usually goes like this :"If you hadn't done this,I wouldn't have done that!It's your fault,you made me do it!"They turn it back on you,especially if they see you as some kind of a threat to their goals.The narcissistic boss I told you about refuses to give me a copy of the document with which she has fired me.I is my legal right to have a copy no matter that I didn't sign it.Without it,I can't sue her.See,she 's doing whatever it takes (even illegal stuff) to prevent me from going after her for her manipulative behaviour.The accusations that are the basis of her firing me are so ridiculous that a reasonable judge would see right through them.That's why she's doing her best to stop me from going to court.
I just can't wrap my mind around it :the hunger for power and control with narcissists is huge,their entitlement and disregard for you as a human being is unbelievable but it exists,there is no doubt about it.And she fired me just before the holidays - this is what they do,choose the time to do their thing when they believe you are most vulnerable and the blow will be the hardest.She is just pathetic,she definitely can't ruin my spirit during the holidays because I am firmly grounded in my beliefs and no narcissist can destroy this!The thing that worries me is the lower budget for the celebrations and the fact that she refuses to give me a copy of the needed document for the trial.Apart from this,I am in a pretty good mood,having in mind the circumstances,and looking forward to the Christmas and New Year's Eve dinners!
Wishing you a wonderful time during the holidays!😊
@intellectualCake2979
This is the biggest problem that I am having in my life. I have had a number of reasons (past jobs, a cheating ex-spouse) to not trust the people around me. I think that I am always struggling with trusting others. I am married to an amazing woman that is trying to help me work through these issues with open and honest communication. However, I still become overwhelmed with anxiety and jealousy at times when my wife is doing her own thing or working with others as she is in a male-dominated field. I know that my wife is an amazing and trustworthy person, however, I don't trust others. I feel as though I am just waiting for her to find someone better and to move on, even though I know she isn't that type of person. It is a strong internal feeling of self-doubt and insecurity that I just can't shake. Does anyone else experience this? Have you come across anything that helps to overcome it?
@ASilentObserver,
I .meant to say "clinginess" not " coincide" ,sorry :)
@ASilentObserver
if I'm too emotional. All my ex's were cheaters, abusive, liars, etc. They always told me I was too emotional, even when I just asked for a hug (I'm not a girl that asks for materialistic stuff, neither do I ask for cuddles 24/7).
Now in the relationship I hard is extremly hard.... He's not super emotional , yet he tries to be sweet ocasionally. But I wonder if I'm too emotional when he is sweet. He says he is because he likes it but... that insecurity always kicks in :(
@Booklover95
i think you might have a pattern of going for people that are emotionally unavailable. google it there is more to it and it might help you :)
@ASilentObserver
The fear of getting hurt.
As a person that has been through a lot of abuse, I developed trust issues: it takes me so long to build it, even just with friends. My significant other has my full trust somehow, and I know how much power they held in their hands. It is scary to think about it sometimes, even considering that misunderstanding and such are pretty common in relationships, I am still terrified. I do try my best to be honest with my lover even when it is not easy, and to give them all the support they need, hoping to just get the same in exchange.
@Eluvian I understand how difficult it is to fully trust another person, and I believe that you are so strong! You should be proud about trusting your partner and fighting against that fear as you are demonstrating quite a lot of courage doing so! :)
@Eluvian I'm sorry you've had to go through those experiences. I know it can be tough to trust because you're afraid of getting hurt. I'm glad you reach out and try to be honest though despite that fear; I'm proud of you because that can be hard to do! I hope things get easier. <3
Guys I need some advice.. my boyfriend and I have been going through a rough patch, one month he pulled away and two more months he claimed being busy at work to family being sick. No quality time. I try stay supportive the last month feel him pulling away. Reach out and panic. He calls me to break up. I ask him to reconsider, he said well talk in a bit. I give him space few days later he text and says Im not ignoring you. Then says he feels sick, cant sleep, etc. I dont know how to respond or where he gets the idea I think hes ignoring me.
I dont know what to make of it or how to respond
@LucidDreamr Lucid dreamer I react like that within a relationship. I can not talk for you and people doesn't always like my advises for various relations. But when I felt sick I was pushing myself or felt pushed even though my partner was very understanding.
But for your own best. Don't become codependent and feel bad for a long time just because of his inability to make decisions. Remember what you want out of a relationship. Set your boundaries for what behavior you will allow in your life from him and from other people. Don't let him make you feel unsure for too long on where your relation is heading. That is his responsibility to work on giving you open communication since he has committed to being your partner.
You both could make an agreement to help each other work on your difficulties, but it's not acceptable to drag the other along for too long.
Think of what his behavior can do to your self-esteem? Will you accept that he makes you feel less worthy and anxious? Will you accept that this can have an impact on you for a very long time into the future? If not you need to make a change inand your situation and he needs to be totally clear about that.
Insecurities arise due to lack of trust. In a relationship, the partner somehow gets a hint of something the other one is hiding. Be honest with your partners. If they trust you enough and accept you for the person you are, there will be no insecurities at all.
@ASilentObserver I always feel like I'm not good enough, and I constantly need to remind myself that if he didn't think I was he wouldn't be eith me. It's difficult sometimes though!
I am afraid of being replaced. I tend to attract polyamorous men and my ex did just that.
I need to remember that my boyfriend is not like my ex. Live in the present.
An insecurity of mine is that I am easily replaceable or nothing special. I want my partner to only have eyes for me, as I do for them.
@MMarigold
Hi there. I'm sure that your partner doesn't think that you are nothing special. Otherwise he wouldn't be with you. I'm sure you have very good qualities that your partner is aware of as well.
One insecurity that I have in my relationship is that I'm not enough. He tells me I am, but I've heard that before. He's a toned guy, very handsome, beautiful eyes, and has a smile that could light up an underground cave. I try so hard to be enough, but I don't feel like I measure up, I feel like he could easily do better than me and it kills me. I just want to feel like I am enough for him.
@Serendipitous222
Hi there. I can really understand your insecurity but maybe try not to be so hard on yourself. It is his free choice to be with you. If he wanted to be with another woman, he could. But he obviously doesn't. Also, I'm sure, he will name a few things if you ask him, what he likes about you.
@Serendipitous222
I wonder if your guy gives off a vibe that triggers you. Sometimes people dont realize it but subtle things they do trigger and feed on an insecurity they see in you. It is of way of elevating themselves so in fact he may be the one orchestrating some push-pull in the relationship.
(just a theory)
Anyway, Its a good rule of thumb to not let anyone make you feel less and stay aware of the underlying dynamics of your relationship.
