An insecurity one can have in romantic relationship is..
We all are insecure in our relationships due to one or other reasons. What is one insecurity you have in your romantic relationship? How one could minimize or deal with it?
Let's talk about it!
That I need my space, nothing personal.
@ASilentObserver
An insecurity I have in my marriage is that sometimes my thoughts and feelings aren't that important to him. Maybe another way to say that is that he doesn't fully think about what I might think of the things he says sometimes. Yet he doesn't seem to hold me to the same standard--he needs to tell me in depth if I say something inadvertantly that he found hurtful.
Letting my emotions get the better of me. There are certain things that makes it harder for our relationship and I know its neither of our fault. I know I should understand but I cant help but get frustrated and upset over those things.
I hate it when that happens.
@Abs19
i know what your talking about my emotions take completely control over me its like once there out then there out and I cant put them back in
@Abs19 youre not alone, Im a very rational deep thinker until my emotions hit a certain point. Once theyve been triggered they explode into a force I cant contain. After its burned out and Im calm(er) again, I apologize. I just havent mastered control, Im sorry youre having problems with it too. Its a horrible feeling.
That my feelings are way stronger than his and that he doesn
@Niccxo this is exactly what Im struggling with but I dont wanna bring it up and make it sound like Im unconfident in our relationship.
@SNLeviathan cause then Im afraid that by me doing so, it will lead to the destruction of my relationship and in the end it will be my fault. But its starting to affect me even when were together.
@SNLeviathan
this is also exactly how Im feeling like in the beginning he was like head over heels for me but now its just like our relationship isnt even that special
An insecurity I have in a romantic relationship is being viewed as annoying or clingy. Also wasting my time or being made out to look like a fool. And lastly, being more invested than the other person.
@khernan
I relate so much to your comment. Currently going through difficult times with my SO, he's depressed and he said he may just want to be alone (i.e., break up) but he's afraid of hurting me and he doesn't know if that is actually what he needs. He's trying out spending time away from the house, but it's awful and so painful. It's the fruition of all of my insecurities about not being enough, being too clingy, and being more invested in him than he is in me. I thought after almost a decade of being together those insecurities would fade, but apparently not, and now I feel like I was right all along to be worried.
I do want to address one thing you said - "wasting my time" - I used to worry about this, and sometimes still do, but something my mother told me when I was a teenager really helped me cope and continues to help me with that fear of wasting my time: even when a relationship ends, that time wasn't wasted. you grew, you learned about yourself, and you've become someone you wouldn't otherwise have become if you weren't with that person. So even if the relationship ends, it's not wasted time, it's just time you spent becoming who you are. It helps me, so I hope it helps you too.
@khernan in a relationship everything is like a kid with candy in the begining and time by time the candy begins to taste less sweeter. this is the time when most people start to act out even when they dont mean too. i think you must be the way you are since day one. you are being viewed like this because maybe you partner is taking you for granted he has confidence that you wold stay no matter what and they are being annoyed because they may feel they need their own space.the excitement starts to ware off. i can totally relate. sometimes we say things we dont mean and we say them because we have confidence that the person would magically understand the reason behind it.
@khernan
I totally get what you mean. I have the same insecurities as well. But at the same time, no matter what the situation is like, remember that it will not be a waste of time because whatever happens, it helps you grow as a person. You learn from your past experiences and mistakes and can handle situations better in the future.
Don't worry too much, trust me, it doesn't help. That just does more to bring you down.
@khernan I totally get what you mean. In all my past relationships, it always felt like I was giving more than I was receiving in return, so I got clingy because I wanted more attention and affection. But then I found my current fiancee who loves me so dang much that I don't have to be clingy -- she showers me in so much love that I don't have to be insecure. And so I try my best to love her back just as much so that she doesn't have to feel insecure either.
... losing myself in an unhealthy relationship.
@Hope3729
as hard as it is if the relationship is unhealthy u might wanna get out cause its going to do heavy damage to you and the pain is so unbearable
@Liyahsistaa hey darling! i am not in an unhealthy relationship, it is just an insecurity i think some people could be experiencing 
but thanks so much for looking out for me and wish you happy holidays!
@Liyahsistaa but what if your married and have gone through more with each other than anyone? My husband tells me he would probably be dead if it werent for me but then doesnt pay attention to me around other people and delves into himself when were at home. Hes dealing with anxiety and drug addiction and functions like a normal human being outside of the house (his job requires him to be a social butterfly). Inside, he sleeps and escapes cause hes exhausted keeping up the facade. He hasnt taken me out on a date in years and didnt really celebrate my birthday for the past two years. I compliment him, support him emotionally and with daily living activities; Ill always be there for him. Its hard to communicate with him my feelings or important things we need to talk about because it either annoys him or sets off his anxiety. He does apologize to me for the way he acts but there is little change in his behavior. Idk Im walking on eggshells and I feel absolutey worthless... not to mention insecure. Im jealous if everyone who gets my husbands attention and positive attitude.
That he secretly wishes I had bigger breasts or prettier hair that he would rather watch porn than have sex with me, that I'm way to emotional and needy, that he still lies to me and flirts around when he says I'm all he wants
@Katelizabeth yes I definitely feel the same way. We actually had a big fight about him doing porn and he's trying to get help and sto pnow but it's still such a struggle to trust that he is attracted to me because I don't look like the women on the screen at all.
when the other person needs space and you view that as them not wanting anything to do with you.
@purpleSail7825
yes. this. so much. It's killing me. My SO is depressed and needs to be alone right now (and it may turn into a full-fledged breakup, we're not sure yet), but we live together (have been living together for ~5 years). So he spends as much time as possible away from home - at work, or on his days off he's taking day trips on his own (which is what I recommended when we discussed his need for space, but it really hurts regardless). He slept on the couch on Saturday night.
I want him to be happy, and I know he needs space right now to process what he's going through, but it's so so hard. He refuses to seek mental health treatment or counseling from a professional, so this is all we can do at the moment.
That my past might bother him and that distance will be to much.
I feel boring sometimes, I feel like we're not communicating enough/clearly enough especially in a long distance relationship, I feel like I'm putting more effort in or that I care more, perhaps I even feel like I was caring too much about our relationship and not enough about myself growing as an individual, I feel like I'm doing something wrong by feeling this way, I'm worried about what he thinks about our relationship now after our rough patch, I'm worried that I bother him by talking to him sometimes even though we know we aren't talking enough, I'm worried about pushing him away by talking about my insecurities because it either seems like he doesn't take it seriously enough/understands me or completely overreacts and considers ending the relationship even though we love each other a lot though that only happened once and I'm hoping it's because he wasn't thinking straight due to having so much going on.. but still it really shook me and we still need to talk about his reaction in more depth although we sorted things out but as I said I'm scared or triggering all that he'll again
Just had to get those insecurities out sorry
@Coimetromania
Im having very similar issues right now, I'm terrified to talk to my girlfriend in case she calls it quits
@Smolbean343 I hope you've been able to talk things through otherwise it just eats away at you.. hope you've managed to find some kind of stability :')
@Smolbean343 I know it shouldnt be that way in any relationship, mine is the same right now. It wasnt always the case but then my husband dealt with some bad benzo addiction. He became disconnected, I became insecure, I kept asking for validation due to his actions, and now that hes better (not healed but better) he thinks his validations dont do anything for me and has just stopped complimenting me. People say, well if theyre not willing to listen then why waste your time on that person BUT I know we have something special its just been twisted. Relationships are work right? When do you know its unhealthy to keep trying?
@Coimetromania I
@selfconfidentStrawberries4355 that doesn't sound good.. it's such a grey area I have no idea who's to blame most of the time if there's even anyone to 'blame' at all. I guess as in a relationship everyone involved has some degree of responsibility.. well it's nice to know I'm not alone
@selfconfidentStrawberries4355 I completely agree it seems like any time you bring things up all blame.is turned on to you and your labeled as the crazy emotional one.
@Coimetromania
hello, I would suggest that you both sit down together and have a deep chat, about what is wrong on both sides and what you two are going to do about it.
But make sure you listen to them to about whats bothering them and a thing my mum always says is, when u tell someone something always give them a because. For example : I dont like it when you shout at me when Im telling you what is going on in my head because Im being honest and I need your help
when u do this it helps them listen in more and hopefully relate better.
If what you say isnt going through to them after that, then theres probably a big problem in the relationship and its not you, its them. You deserve someone who listens to you. There reaction to you talking to them should give you a clear sign of where theyre at, and what should be done. Whether its they cant give you what you need or if they are going to work with you to change there actions, youll work it out. But dont stay with someone just because you love them because your love could be being wasted on them, when it could be going to someone else who will give you the same love back. And the sooner you realise the better, yeah itll be hard for a short time in your life but in the long run you could be better and happier with someone else.
Message me on 7 cups if you got any questions.
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Sommetimes it seems as if love isnt enough@Coimetromania
I am going through the same thing. And my boyfriend and I just decided to take a break today and I think I am just so much more confused. @Coimetromania
