Are You a Shock Absorber in Your Relationship?
Here are signs that you may be a shock absorber in your relationship:
🌵 You often feel like you walk on eggshells in your relationship.
🌵 When the other person misbehaves, you tend to find a reason to rationalize and justify their actions to minimize the impact.
🌵 You make it your duty to maintain peace in your relationship.
🌵 Your relationship often leaves you feeling bitter or overwhelmed.
🌵 The fact that you tolerate many awful behaviors to avoid conflict in your relationship is something you keep hidden from others because you know deep down it's not right.
I don't know who needs to hear this, but if those ring any bells, I want you to know that you deserve to feel equally safe, loved, heard, and respected in your relationship.
Please share your supportive thoughts for others who are currently in the situation:
How to change the tendency of being a shock absorber?
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Source: Psychology Today
Cheers! đź’ś
Another amazing thread, @ouiCherie ! Thankyou for making it đź’ś
I feel alot of people try to avoid conflicts and discussions of any kind ~ involving the difficult conversations or the * much needed* ones , I've been there ( sometimes still am lol , it's a work in progress kinda thing ,I guess *-* ) and it is hard knowing what is right deep down but just seems like the easier and slightly comfortable option to simply *let it be* and try the best to not disturb peace. But It is super necessary to have conversations like these , no one should be okay with being put down or made feeling like they should "bear the brunt" to maintain harmony, it gets even more uncomfortable and toxic later on, which certainly affects one's emotional and mental well being ! So to anyone in a similar situation, please do remember you encourage what you don't object in the first time itself , you deserve someone who loves you for who you are , cares for your thoughts and opinions , who understands you or atleast tries to ! You deserve people who make you feel safe and supported , with whom you don't flinch before sharing what's in your mind and those that believe that all kinds of relationships are a multiple person's thing , one person cannot and should not always compromise ! ❤
You deserve , The kind of love , which makes you Love you even more ! 🤗
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
So many great points there Sunnie.
May I tweet some of those? This part is so quote-worthy:
No one should be okay with being put down or feel like they should "bear the brunt" to maintain harmony.
Thanks Sunnie 🤗
@ouiCherie
Aww thanksiee Cherieee ! Please feel more than welcome to share /tweet heheđź’ś
Hugssss🤗
I think that i was one in my relationship. I tryed to not be mad at my friend. Everything he did i wasnt mad about. I think i choose the way of self blaming. So he did a few things that made me sad but i kind of blamed myself for it. Then after he broke up with me, without telling me why i just started to blame myself again. Even today its still hurting me. It makes me sad because i don't know why it ended.
@BenjaminF
I get the picture, Benjamin. The 'I should have, shouldn't have, could have' thoughts pops up often?
What do you usually do to practice self-compassion?
Something I like to do to practise self-compassion is rubbed my upper arm or top of my head gently and say, "it's okay..."
I think yes.. i often think about what i may did wrong in my relationship or what i could have done better… but i don't have a methode to be kind and nice to myself. I don't really feel well about it. It feels like what it is not what it should feel like - a person who is rubbing his own head and spwaking to himself. I think i need someone who does it to me maybe because i was always so lonely. A methode to help myself which includes the reason why im sad isn't helping i think… but sometimes im doing something like that - calming myself down for example. The problem is that i don't know how to find the person i search or even how to talk to the person. Im not good in relationships and im kind of scared about it - or about failing this one too… i hope i didn't forget something…
so happy day
@ouiCherie
I feel like I end up in this role too often. I don't know how to not do it... Especially the part about being the only one to maintain peace and feeling overwhelmed. I mean, I already try to communicate ever time it's needed, so I'd have to cut virtually everyone out of my life if I didn't. It's just really lonely no matter what I do. Being myself only seems to make people uncomfortable.
Hi @Torean
It sounds tough. Sunnie shares a good reminder there: We encourage what we don't object to the first time.
How do you feel about it?
Maybe others will share more tips đź’ś Stay being a unique and compassionate person *hugs
@ouiCherie
Thank you for the kind words. I'm not sure how I feel about it... There's definitely truth to it, but I wonder if it sounds a little extreme. I know that I typically take a little too long to object, so I do need to work on that, but my initial reaction to someone doing something is to watch and listen to understand them better. Part of it is that I've generally always had to keep almost everyone in the corner of my eye, but part of it is also a curiosity of what makes them tick, and a questioning of what that person really needs - maybe I can help them somehow.
I may be observant to a fault. I also very rarely show my hand so to speak, and I like to think it keeps me a few steps ahead, but it may be more that it makes me ill when I'm rejected for who I really am all the time.
@Torean
I get the picture Torean. The understanding, tolerance, compassion and hope for the best đź’ś
the apologetic feeling for not 'absorb the shock', perhaps?
Setting up boundaries rigid and early to someone we care about is not my character either.
But what I learned the hard way is that it's like a bottle and its lid. We attract those who fits our character.
What do you think?
I have a problem with making people uncomfortable to. I feel alone alot of the time. I know what it feels like. But at the same time of they don't want you around then that's there problem not yours. You will find people who will understand you. You just have to belive in your self. I know its hard to see that right now but you just need to take it one day at a time.
Hi my name is jessica i am 16, single and i am bisexual
Seems the same to me as people who are the "helping" kind.
The ones that always offer help, up to the point that they don't have any space left within to help themselves. Which might end in burn outs, mental breakdowns. Or in relationships that become toxic, because the helper is not being taking care of (for starters by the helper her-/him-/itself. Or because the helper finally stands up for her-/him-/itself, puts down boundaries et voila, there is your clashes, discussions, fight.
And then there is the helpers that help because they have a need, a need of something being returned. If that doesn't happen for too long, a helper might fully withdraw. Doing damage to self and others.
Now it becomes really interesting if, in a two person relationship, both involved are helpers ("Shock Absorvers").
@dukeofdearham
Interesting input Duke! đź’ś
I guess the intention makes the difference. And we have to be aware when it has taken a toll in our mental health.
I don’t feel as though I’m an absorber but every individual can only “take”/ “handle” so many emotions. I’m newly found pregnant (around 2 1/2 months now). Since I’ve found out, I’ve also learned my boyfriend cheated multiple times, as well as tell others he wants to be with them. But comes back telling me he loves me then I found out he doesn’t even really love me. His love for me is like a sister and i want a family. He constantly tells me how annoying, dumb, I am as well as how my family probably “disowned” me because of that. Without him knowing I’ve had multiple people including family members attempt to kill me for other reasons. I don’t feel as though anyone deserves that but if what he says is true about myself and I’m just not realizing it. I start to feel like I shouldn’t have even been here to begin with …
@TIANA23
Tiana, sounds like the situation, and his words have started ruining your self-esteem.
You are right, no one deserves such harsh and demeaning words. You deserve so much better than that đź’ś
Hello
@goodPenguin6943 hello there 🙂
I've been there until I grew a backbone. Now I don't tolerate any b.s. My advice is get away from them because it often turns to abuse (in my case it did). Keep your head up, do some soul searching, and change your attitude if necessary.
@adhdgal1992
You go, girl! đź’ś
I'm glad to know that you're no longer in such a relationship, learned from it and shared it here.