My boyfriend of 4 years is being distant
Hi, me and my boyfriend have been in a relationship for 4 years, starting from college. Now that we’ve graduated, he has a lot of work pressure and I’m also trying to sort out my own life. We don’t meet as often as before, which is okay, but I miss him a lot.
I feel like he doesn’t put much effort into expressing himself in chats, so I told him that I feel one-sided and need some reassurance. He said he is going through a lot right now. The next day, he texted me saying he thinks everything has changed — even his love for me. He also does not believe that things will be same like before but its not true for me.
I don’t feel like anything has changed, I still love him the same, maybe even more. But he’s been distant for a week, and whenever I ask about us, he just says “I don’t know.” His work is also very hectic. How to handle this? how to get closer to him
@courteousAcres844
Well, your story is complicated and unfortunately, such things happen even in long-term relationships. It is possible that he has started to see it a little differently when he is alone, this also happens. You see, when people are constantly together, some things dissolve and are not so easy to notice. At a distance, people analyze more, undergo mental and physical tests of their feelings. I can’t speak for him, but try to take his side now. I am saying now because you will need to talk and discuss everything. Talking is the best way and be honest with each other. And even if he really perceives everything differently - this can be a new point in the development of the relationship or the end of everything. Whatever it is, hold on and be strong!
@Voodvins He is not willing to talk about it, he says he already has too many things and cant able to focus. I feel like he is confusing this in middle of everything else. should i wait or should i talk about it in our next meet?
@courteousAcres844
I think it's worth giving him one more chance, but no more. He could find the time, it's a very important thing for both of you, right?
@courteousAcres844
relationships take 2 and even if you feel nothing changed and your feelings are strong ...he may not feel the same.. or needs to sort out what he feels.
we have to realize we do not change others feelings or wants and needs. give him space and some time while letting him know you are there when he decides what he wants.
People grow and change at different speeds and times. We cannot stop it or go back to what it use to be etc. If this relationship lasts a long time this will not be the only time this happens... maybe next time your growth has you re-evaluating the situation.
More communication is required . More talking.
You have your feelings. He has his. neither are wrong.
But the way he is feeling at the moment means your not compatible without work patience and understanding.
I get it for you nothing has changed but for ur seems it has and that can hurt. It's hard not to take things personally .
You need to ask him see if he's willing to work on the relationship still. What's made him change if it's purely work then if there any yo do yo help giving more capacity to work on the relationship. If he has fundamentally changed n he's not working on it then you should thinking about splitting .
You both deserve to find some that makes the effort and make each other feel loved and supported.
All the best.
Relationships only work when two people are willing to work on it , and choose each other on the bad days .
The similar things are happening with me . So I took a step back . I am navigating my own feelings now to be honest . Maybe give him some space . If things are not toxic , it'll get resolved . But make sure to let him know that you have certain boundaries too .
Relationships only work when two people are willing to work on it , and choose each other on the bad days .
The similar things are happening with me . So I took a step back . I am navigating my own feelings now to be honest . Maybe give him some space . If things are not toxic , it'll get resolved . But make sure to let him know that you have certain boundaries too .
Hi @courteousAcres844,
I’m so sorry that you are feeling this way and have to go through a tough situation in your relationship journey.
Sometimes people grow apart. He might not feel the same way he did before. Give him some space. As they say “ If you love someone, let them free, if they come back to you, they are yours or else they were never meant to be “
Give yourself room to feel this feeling of loss. The beautiful relationship you have known and lived might be at a precipice of change.
If he doesn’t even have the time to talk about it, then it seems like he’s not interested anymore or at this point there is something really going on that is stressing him out and he needs time and space to figure it out. So give him that. See if he comes back. Else you dodged a bullet. A person who does not use his partner to solve his problems is not the type of person who is good at being a partner.
@courageousPup5706 thank you so much. Much needed