Eternally ashamed...
Hello! I am a 16 girl. Straight (for the most part). I'm embarrassed by my own sexual... ness. I mean, I know theres nothing wrong with these feelings. But I just get really ashamed after having sexual thoughts or feelings. Heck, I can't even look at a guy I find attractive without getting embarrassed! It's like I'm fighting myself. Whenever I get turned on by a dream or fantasy or whatever, I'm conflicted. On one hand, I enjoy it. But on the other, I'm absolutely disgusted by how much I enjoy it.
I literally have NO CLUE why I feel this way. I don't come from a super religious family. I don't have strict parents. Though my mom never gave me a PROPER sex talk. She kinda hinted at it here and there. I can't even look at myself in the mirror, I feel so guilty. It's ridiculous, I know. It's frustratig too. What should I do?
@generousSpruce3281
I think many people feel this way. Even if it's not seen as a shameful thing with your family, in society there's still this weird dichotomy where sex is all around us yet it's still seen as taboo. Being female seems to strength the taboo aspect.
I think for many people this does fade with time.
@AffyAvo I really don't think it has to do with me being a female. I feel weird about ME having these feelings. I'm so hell bent on being Ms. Goody-goody. I also fee shame for having strong feelings in general, be it sexuality or rage. So I guess I just repress them in order to be a "good kid."
@generousSpruce3281 from my opinion you are the goody good person, while these unexpected feelings that you can't control makes you have thoughts that cloud your reason.
Now this is against your expectation of being that goody good, for which you feel that discontment. These are the hormones, it's like even if you don't want to like guys, you like guys because you are programmed that way, and seeing this actually creates a problem for you.
so what I would say is observe this feeling, because running from feelings is never the option. You have to understand, even though we have feelings we also have control. So don't make yourself accountable to things that you can't even control. You are perfectly alright and it's fine to have these thoughts at your age,
If you ask me, it's not even about embracing your sexuality, it's about facing a change in your reason which isn't initiated from yourself but your newly birthed feelings, which at the end of the day may be the same as embracing your sexuality.
good luck!
@generousSpruce3281
Quit being good to society and it's expectations and start being good to yourself. Nobody else will ever be as good to you or for you as you are for yourself. Let it happen.
@generousSpruce3281
Repress will depress. Fuck the labels and judgements. Sex and sexuality and why we do or feel or want...its impossible to write down a wrong or right way as its different for everyone. As many differences as there are people. So remember if it isnt against the law and doeant hurt them or you its your decision and consequences good or bad that you must deal with. Go for it. Do you.
@generousSpruce3281 - Hi lovely, I read the responses below, and I think there's a lot of truth in all of them - nothing you are feeling is abnormal, but it can feel uncomfortable or embarrassing as you get used to it all. More than anything, I think sometimes it's helpful just to be able to talk about all of it, especially if you don't feel like you have an outlet to discuss it at home. If you have any questions, need to vent, or just want to talk through how you're feeling more broadly, you're more than welcome to message me anytime. Take care!
Don't feel guilty, theres a lot of hormones going on and whatever you think about men or women in a sexual manner it's fine ( or androgonous looking people for that matter, they are beautiful too )
It's healthy to be sexual and sex is one of the most natural things there is, explore what you like and let your fantasies carry you away.
@Ladypearl
I like the advice you gave. Very refreshing
I kinda get what you mean. The main thing with me is that no matter how many times I hear that masturbation and sexually expressing yourself is healthy and normal, I always end up feeling really bad every time I think about those things.
If it makes you feel any better, I never had a proper sex talk either. Haha.
But seriously, don't be ashamed. They're normal feelings. I wasn't super interested in girls when I was younger, but the sexual desire hit me like a train. I looked up all sorts of stuff. I found out what turned me on and what didn't.
I'd say explore you're sexuality, but do it in a safe manner. Don't do anything that would put you in a dangerous situation or in a place where you don't feel comfortable. But there's nothing wrong with exploring.
I'm 21 and I've still to have my first girlfriend, much less sex, but I'm learning from a channel called sexplanations on YouTube. Give it a view.l, if you want.
Good luck.
i feel a similar way, i masturbate around once or twice every day, and i just feel bad about it, i usually fantasize about my friends which i feel horrible about, the worst part is i climax so much quicker thinking about one of my friends and she's in a relationship and it feels like i'm violating her, even if it is just in my thoughts, can anyone help?
@tritone another thing, i've tried to talk to people about it but talking about masturbation turns me on and i'll want to masturbate and i feel like i'm using these people... i feel horrible
@tritone
Hey. Its ok. Think about it this way; You deserve to orgasm when and how you want. Are you a man? Then jerk it, pull on it and enjoy. A gal? Then sink and rub it til you're satisfied. Why not?
@generousSpruce3281 Ok, so the best age to have sex is when you are a teenager. cause the best pleasure you will find its when you are young. I think the my parents did not teach me, its not an excuse anymore. use google, i bet you can find some information about it.
Just a few simple things
1. You are undergoing psycial/ emotional changes, your hormones are in their peek condition. So this might make you confuse.
2 You will hear a lot of bs from parents, school and society, etc... every person will give you their view about sexuality, and many people will avoid it alltogether.
3 Teenage pregnancy is no joke, so you have to know how to use protection, pills, condoms, etc, you have youtube videos for that too. Also you need to learn about how to stay away from deseases, infections, etc.
4 So this is the part where you start to grow up as an adult, making your own desitions. Like you want to have sex for pleasure that is fine, you want to find love and then have sex, that is fine too. Others cant tell you what is good for you, you have to find what is good for you yourselve.
5 This feeling of being okward it will go away with time as you open up and learn to talk about it.