No Interest in Intimacy
I’ve been with my partner for several years now and we used to have a more active sex life. The past couple years though we barely have sex at all. I don’t know if it the relationship, or if it my depression/PTSD, or corresponding medications. All in all though, I am not upset by it. Which feels odd to me too. I don’t mind not having sex at all but I wonder if that is an issue in itself.
@GreenTeaFairy25 Depression, PTSD, and the medications to treat these can all decrease sex drive. As long as both you and your partner are on the same page about this, then there is no issue in you feeling this way😊
My answer is comprised of my POV, being asexual myself, and information I have heard and read. It should not be taken as a professional answer, but merely as an expression of opinion. Sex does not necessarily need to be part of a healthy and loving relationship. It is completely fine that you do not have an active sex life all of the time. There are so many ways to show each other love and strengthen your relationship besides sex. The only thing to be concerned about is if your partner wants to have a more active sex life but you don't. Communication is vital here; I have heard of relationships having trouble because of one partner wanting more sex and the other less, only worsened by too little clear communication. But if both partners are fine having very little sex, then all is well! Perhaps it is your depression or your medications, but so long as it is not causing stress then I don't think it is currently a problem. Many well wishes to you! 🙂
Do you have any suggestions or tips on the other ways to have that connection if sex is absent? I am having a similar problem but have no guidance or direction how to understand that he is not wanting to have sex at the moment. Which I am fine with because I love him regardless it is my own thoughts being my downfall because I am finding myself needing reassurance/confirmation that we as a couple are okay and I do not want to feel insecure about us or myself as a result of not having that intimate connection with sex.
Hello! Sorry I didn't respond sooner, notification must have gotten missed. I have little experience, but some examples of intimacy without sex that I would do are things like massaging, or doing each other's hair (head or facial) or makeup. I find the closeness, safety, and comforting touch in these actions, whether giving or receiving, to be satisfying. I am glad that you are reaching out for ideas, and I hope that this helps! :)
The first question I was going to ask before reading the latter part of your thread was if you actually WANTED to increase your sex life!!!!, there is no problem with the amount of times you want to have sex period! Everyone has different libidos and if you don’t feel or want to increase it then that is 100% okay. If you feel like you do I would suggest taking some time for yourself, and reinvestigating what makes YOU the most turned on by YOURSELF and then apply it to the next time you want to try things. I think I should also indicate how important lube is. Mediocre or boring sex could definitely affect ur desire for it in the first place too!
My partner and I have been struggling through this quite a bit lately. We have been together for years and feel like we have known each other forever, and we are each arguably the most important person to the other. The problem that we finally had to admit was that we are sexually incompatible. I have a very low sex drive despite enjoying sex with him immensely, and neither of us knows how to initiate any sort of physical intimacy with each other. It's just awkward. We are such close friends and partners, but unhappy when it comes to our sex lives. We finally discussed opening our relationship today so that we can see if supplementing will fulfill the only aspect that we are mismatched in. I don't know what will come of it and I know it will require more discussion, but I think being 100% open about it is the first step.
