moving on..
there’s something I’m struggling really hard with … most of it is unexplainable kind… and maybe because of the reason that most of it I haven’t understood or possibly accepted myself but like it’s still so tuff to deal with these thoughts and so many emotions … conflicting ones ..
how does moving on from someone who was once vv important to you and who claimed to luv you but ended up abondoning you for no reason… look like?
is it possible to move on without closure?
quite literally clueless on what moving on even means… can someone help explain it a little.. or share any experiences or personal thoughts on it??
how does one even know they’ve moved on?
more importantly …. how to move on??
there’s like a million thoughts in my brain rn…. all meanieeee and unhelpful… I’d really appreciate any insight or gentle word here 😭
@Optimisticempath Hiii Opti. To me, moving on in a relationship is when you can come to terms that it has ended. When you can reflect on the past without questioning why this or why that. I think when you can do that that's a step in a forward direction. 😀 Moving on from a relationship and healing does not mean that you just stop loving or caring for that person. It doesn't just mean that you act like they haven't been apart of your life fir x amount of time. It just means now your life will look different without this person and that's ok. Focus on you, Opti. Heal, Opti. I'm so sorry you have all these feelings right now. Just process them and do what you need to do the best for you. I wish nothing but happiness your way and all the love. I hope you know this, my friend. Sending hugs your way. 🤗
“Sometimes we say we’ve moved on, not because we have, but because we’re scared they never will.”
~ aaryan
@Aaryan06 they will never move on?
@Optimisticempath That sounds so hard being left without answers can leave you with so many tangled thoughts and feelings. Moving on looks different for everyone, and it’s okay to not have it all figured out right now. If you want, we can talk through what this has been like for you and what ‘moving on’ might mean in your world
@Optimisticempath
Hi! First of all, I want you to know that it's completely normal to feel this way. Moving on is not about forgetting them completely. It's about accepting the situation. It takes time, and it's important to pay attention to your feelings during this period. I understand how you are feeling. It's hard to accept something that has no clear explanation. However, I firmly believe that one's silence says a lot.
I hope you take time to understand your feelings and take care of yourself while doing so. I wish you all the best, good luck!
@llyss17 Everyone finds it hard to accept that someone who once loved you so deeply has suddenly left. But if he can't continue to love you, why keep him around? What's the point of his existence? You are wonderful and outstanding, and deserve to be loved by others. So move on. There are better people ahead.
I deeply empathize with what you are going through, Opti. I am going through that right now, and I can’t really offer any solution. I’ve been here for almost 2 months and I’m still just as confused.
Anyway, posting here just to say that I get it and that you aren’t totally alone in this.
@sunnyVase9732 im sorry your hurting too friend 🥺 it is such an awful thing … how people just move away and then it’s expected of us to forget everything? how??😭
it is a lil comfy to know me isn’t alone 🥺 thanks for being so kind to me Sunny 💕💕 do you want to talk about anything? we can make a pen pal chat thread here to talk if you want to … no pressure 💕 just want to be there for u too 🤗
@Optimisticempath
I appreciate your support. All of this has been quite difficult for me, but I am getting through it. It has been almost two months and I am still coming to terms with this person leaving me so suddenly without warning. We both loved one another, strongly. It’s easy to think that my situation was so uniquely special, but in reality, it isn’t any more special than any other. Either way, it is special to me, you know?
I am currently in therapy for this with the goal of moving forward in a healthy way as well as leaving opportunity for reconnection if she so desires. I think these two things can be true at the same time, but it is still just as heartbreaking working towards there goals. I actively feel part of myself dying, morbid as that sounds. It’s been very painful to work through.
@sunnyVase9732
its so hard to move on without some closure … like when the ending comes abruptly and you weren’t ready for it nor were you thinking about it… but it comes as a shocker … it’s hard for the person who is left behind like you and me in this position… because the one who leaves has already got enough time to process things and they’ve emotionally checked out long back and are all ready to such make the departing move… the one who gets away first … easier … somehow… while the ones left behind who didn’t even see it coming so suddenly have to deal with the left over things and a terribly bruised self worth image …
it’s hard and like you said… painfully morbid… i get it friend 🥺
I’m actually really proud of you for seeking therapy for it and for trying to set goals to be able to come to terms with things and to move on… whatever moving on even means…🥲 im still not sure… maybe when it hurts less or when we forgive them for abondoning us?… idk
it’s all so painfully hard but even reaching out and trying to talk about things and seek help to get better is so courageous of you 💕💕
if you want you can also share your therapy experiences or like a reflection after your sessions on how you feel… any progress if you felt in managing emotions better etc 🤗
@Optimisticempath Hi:) Thank you for coming on the platform to seek help! Hope the previous responses were helpful to you! Honestly, I really understand where you are and why you are having these difficult emotions. I believe moving on is not a linear process, and sometimes we feel a great improvement, then we fall back. Plus it happens at a different speed for everyone. What I am certain about, is that whatever you are going through is very real. I myself have been in a situation when I fell in love so hard, after which I was left without any explaination. I know the pain, it is very heavy and lot of unhelpful thoughts arise too as you also explained here.
One thing that really helps on the long-run is to just feel what you are feeling. As tough as it is, really letting yourself greive not only the person, but also the broken image of a future with them. Sometimes if it gets too much, it is also okay to distract yourself temporarily. It is very normal to a certain extent for people after breakups to party more, binge, scroll social media, hang out with more people, don't be too hard on yourself in this <3 But this brings me to my next point..
To surround yourself with people who can support you. Friends, family, anyone who can just hold you, no judgment, they don't try to solve your problems, they are just there with you throught it all, so you aren't alone in this. And yes, if you start to distract yourself to an exteme extent, they will help you realize, and will pull you out of it. People who let you cry, to mourn, to feel down too.
Another thing to keep in mind is to allow yourself to feel the positive emotions also <3 As much as it hurts, if you find yourself smiling, enjoying a good movie, laughing with a friend, just let it be and welcome it. We are humans, nothing is merely black or white. Your CAN feel it all.
I am sorry you didn't get any closure from this person. I can imagine it leaves room for these *meanie* thoughts to fill in the gaps, but please remember your worth (also good to have friends who can remind you <3 ), that you are lovable! Often we think that things people do is because of us. I heared from a friend that 99% of the time, it has to do with the person itself. I unfortunately have also been on the opposing end, when I left with no reasoning... because I was sooo afraid. Scared to open up, to accept that someone loves me, to own myself in such an honest relationship.. I just couldn't. After some time, it will be important to reflect on what could have been differnet in the relationship, what was good/ bad, was it healthy or not, etc. But right now you are healing a wound. A wound that is bleeding, and needs as much love as possible. <3 You will know when it has healed, when you moved on, it won't happen instantly, it is a gradual process. As you move around the wound might get sensitive, could open again, but it will heal. Just trust the process, not stressing and waiting for it to happen, it will, trust me, it will. You are so amazing and deserving of love. I am positive you will heal and move on, even if right now it seems hopeless. <3
I hope this helped you a bit, I really wish you a flourishing and easy (as possible:)) healing journey <3 Lot's of love to you!
@Optimisticempath While facing these challenges can seem like a long dark tunnel sometimes, you have many people here who are always encouraging you! Just remember when you feel like youre in that tunnel, you have a safe place to come to for some sun!
this actually is a very confusing stage where one wants answers to the questions but they are just not able to get in the type of answer which they want though personally moving on for me is like when you just don't care about that person anymore like you wish good for them in the future just like one would do for any other random person, you know that what happened was bad but you accept it and look at the situation as it was instead of trying to make out different kinds of meanings to it, you stop caring about that person anymore in a romantic way. You don't have any hard feelings or grudges for them.
@Optimisticempath Thank you for opening up about this
Moving on doesn’t usually look like a single clear moment or a neat definition. For many people, it’s more about slowly learning how to live with what happened without it hurting quite as sharply every day. And yes, it is possible to move on without closure, even though it’s much harder. Sometimes closure comes from within,For some, it looks like thinking about them less often; for others, it’s being able to remember without feeling overwhelmed. You might notice you’ve moved on when the thoughts lose their power over you, even if they still show up from time to time
@Optimisticempath Im sorry you went through this, it sounds very heavy, especially without closure. This can make you feel 'stuck'. Moving on doesn't mean forgetting, it's more about slowly learning to live your life without them at the centre anymore. it is certainly possible without closure, but sometimes can feel harder.
you will notice it in small ways over time, such as thinking about them less or the pain easing a bit. but there is no rush or timer for this, everyday is a new day. take it in baby steps. its all at your own pace :)
