Struggling with my faith
I’m losing hope. My faith is suffering. I believe that suffering is necessary sometimes to learn, appreciate the good, develop character, and gain wisdom. I understand what the Bible says about suffering. I don’t disagree with any of it. But I’m having a hard time accepting why God wanted my life to be this way. I have lived a miserable existence since I was a child. I have had good things in my life, and I try to focus on those, but those things don’t fill gaps in certain important areas. I can’t seem to get to a point where I feel I’m on a solid foundation. God is supposed to be all we need, but this life has worn me down to the point where I’m having problems focusing on Him or believing certain truths I used to believe like He loves me. I can’t imagine this is what He wants for me.
I already wrote a lot here, but if you want more background on why I feel so depressed and hopeless: https://www.7cups.com/forum/depression/General_2427/Howtoacceptreality_357182/
It doesn’t help that I feel guilty for even feeling this way in the first place, because so many people have things worse than me: poverty, disabilities, war, natural disasters. I have dealt with some of those things on some level, and I was able to keep hope and push to get through. But the thing I have never been able to push past is loneliness. I feel like I could do anything if I had a friend, family members, love and support from someone in my daily life. I have children, and they make me feel fulfilled, but it’s a different kind of relationship. I literally have no one else who would be at my funeral. I can’t keep my motivation up when I feel like everything I do is by myself, I can’t lean on anyone ever. This website has been helpful getting me through many days, and I’ve met some amazing people, but I hope I don’t sound unappreciative when I say I really need companionship off the computer. We all have busy lives and can’t be here all the time for each other. I need the warmth of a hug, to hear someone’s voice say a kind word of encouragement, to have some company. God can’t even give me a hug, that would be enough. I don’t need parties or a lot of people, just one person, just sometimes. God doesn’t deny that to everyone, what have I done that’s so bad?
I’m getting older. Why has God let so much of my life go by alone? The loneliness is eating me alive. At one time I believed it taught me things, but it’s gone on long enough now, and it’s hard for me to believe He wants me to be thinking the dark things I’m thinking. I’m trying to meet Him halfway by making the effort, going out there and trying. But He’s not putting anyone in my path who is interested, or kind. If anything I seem to get hurt more. I’m torn between trying more and giving up on people. How old do I need to be? I don’t know if I even know how to make a friend. I’ve been told people like me and I’m funny, but it never turns into anything. I’ve even had people literally tell me they’re not looking for a friend right now.
Is this all there is? I’m just supposed to be miserable my whole time here looking forward to Heaven? It does something to a person’s mind, spending their life unloved and knowing no one cares if they’re here or not. I can feel my mind is different than it used to be, like it has a disease. What good is God using this for? I used to believe that and see it. But it’s too much, too much. I need relief, not to keep being told it’s for my own good.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas
I feel you. People compliment me, tell me I'm worthy, tell me they enjoy my stories. But I'm never first choice. I'm rarely ever anyone's choice. When I am, I'm not for long, and things go down in flames, making me question if it was worth it at all.
What is the point? Is God not meant to reward faith? How could He be so cruel? Sure, hardship can be a valuable lesson, but at some point, doesn't it have diminishing returns?
I'd love to see you find companionship, even if just a friend. Just one friend can make all the difference. I wish I could be that friend, but we are fated to interact online, on here.
Find ways to be in the world. Be unashamedly yourself, and surely you will make a connection. Don't let dark thoughts define you, I think we all have them.
You seem like a really good person! The thing that gets me through tough times is the fact that things change and make sense. Also, you were given free will so that you may make choices. Make the choice to keep going, step after step. You never know who is around the corner. Again, I dearly wish I could be your friend.
I currently don't really have any close friends. I do have friends, but they are mostly just people I live with. A couple of them moved out but kept in touch. We have great conversations! I also started going to church and made friends with the pastor (lucky the church was new and small). I hope I can make lasting connections... Like everyone, I need love in my life.
You deserve goodness. I don't think I will ever understand God, but God gave you the ability to carve a piece of reality for yourself. Persistence is key. Love you, friend.
Hey!!! What about meeeee??? Am I chopped liver??? ;)
Hehe
@jesusredeemedme2425
You are one of the rare ones! You make me feel like I am someone's choice. I'm more talking about people in my life away from the screen. I see people gravitate towards each other, yet despite being confident and expressive and kind, I feel largely unseen. There are a growing number of people that seem to get me, but they're new to me and I don't know where it's going or if it will last.
Same. Real friends are getting harder and harder to find…
@jesusredeemedme2425 @cyanessence I wonder why this is? I’m glad I’m not the only person who experiences this, but I don’t understand why we do. I feel like people around me (off computer) tend to wear masks. It’s this sense that I can never quite reach their authentic self to genuinely connect with them. I know that kind of thing takes time with many people, and I can also sense when someone is a good person but maybe needs time to read me too. I’m totally fine with that. But I pick up on this permanent type mask on so many people even that I knew for a long time. It’s the same people who are also cruel about others’ feelings (“just get over it” type responses). I don’t necessarily want to be friends with someone like that anyway, it’s just discouraging when I meet so many people like that. I guess that’s just how they get through life’s hurdles. I wish I could tell them maybe that’s why you are frustrated all the time and feel something missing that you try to fill with other things.
Maybe they’re hurt and jaded and put up a thousand walls to protect themselves, just like us.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas
Why stay close to them if they're not honest.
@Helgafy Exactly, I’m not. That is why I am lonely. I only seem to meet selfish inauthentic people. I don’t mean people that are suffering and wear that kind of mask, that I understand and can connect with. I mean people that are cruel to others and use them. I sometimes feel like I have to be like that too or be lonely forever. I am willing to wait for the right person, but 50 years? There must be more to relationships. God gave us people for something.
I’ve lost a great amount of faith in doctors. Not all but some.
@cyanessence Hi Cyan friend! Thank you for being here with me. ❤️
I’m sorry you’ve felt this way too. 😞 You deserve to be someone’s first choice that lasts. It’s crushing when something starts off so full of energy and then like you said: 🔥
I hope there is a point to it all. I don’t expect everyone to like me. I’m ok knowing some people only come into our lives for a certain time or reason. But there’s got to be something more. God gave us people. I see people looking genuinely happy in long relationships with other people. It can’t just be something I’m not destined for.
I can’t believe that God is allowing me to continue hurt to this level for some greater good. Maybe 10 years ago after it had already been a lifetime but my brain hadn’t felt diseased yet. I love how you said it, “hardship can be a valuable lesson, but at some point, doesn't it have diminishing returns?”
I wish we could be friends off the computer too. Being here is bittersweet for me. We meet these incredible people, we can be ourselves and receive their true selves, able to express our deepest thoughts. But there’s always that distance knowing we’re separated by a screen. I try to let it inspire me that it must just be a matter of time before I make a friend off the computer like this. People seem less willing to be vulnerable in person.
I wrote your words on a note, to be unashamedly myself. I needed that particular word, because I do feel ashamed of who/how I am. I think I’m afraid that when I do meet someone, they will reject me when they find out I have no other friends or family. That has happened before, but I think I knew they weren’t the right persons to receive it. I hope someone will without looking at me like I have 3 heads.
As always you offer me nuggets of wisdom. Change is somehow a constant we can rely on, isn’t it? Things may not be all roses and butterflies a year from now, but they will surely look a little different in some way that can be appreciated. There are always good small things being added.
I’ve been coming up with some more things I can try, and that’s improved my mood.
That’s great to hear that you’ve found some people to have great conversation with! I’m happy to read you found a church you like as well! I just went back to church for the first time in a few weeks myself, and found it helped. It made me want to listen to a devotional today. Little steps. I hope your new church brings new and fruitful friends to your life. I love you too!
2vs155
"And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient
@BeAlive97 Thank you. 🙏
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas
wow. I felt that deeply. I also read over your other post. It seems like we have a lot in common, similiar core belief thought patterns and struggles.
One thing that came up immediately as I prayed and read your post: this is part of your growth. Your work and efforts aren't unseen. You're not alone. You do have more work to do because it's ongoing for all of us. Consciousness. It isn't easy just like staying in shape isn't often easy. Remember Christ's words that we will see many hardships in this world but take heart because He overcame the world. And so can we.
There is an app I've been using called Insight Timer. It's very vast and exploring and testing is best to find your niche there. If you use it daily I guarantee some of this weight and loneliness will lift. Id love to meet up with you on there and even practice together I'd you'd like. We could talk about how we notice or don't notice things as we progress.
I'm an ordained priestess from northern Michigan and an author of 4 books so far. I thought there would never come a day that I could really apply my creativity and goals so well. I'm telling you. Don't give up yet! You just haven't cracked your full potential and true self . I am not there yet either but working on it deeply.
I am also a mommy love Jesus and Truth. Love healing and helping others to heal. Nature lover and natural born gypsy. I have traveled a lot ! Whew. Lol. I struggle with self worth and being isolated a lot. Lonliness. Not being seen or understood. Working on releasing guilt and regret etc.
I'd love to become friends!
Unfortunately, offsite contact isn’t allowed.
@jesusredeemedme2425 Bummer! Hard to form true connections that way.
You can make penpal chats :)
that is cool! How do we do that?
@SacredGarden
Hi there. You wrote: "1. I struggle with self worth lot....2. Working on releasing guilt and regret etc. " I want to give you some Bibleverses; 1.for self worth: Zephaniah 3:17 "The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; He will rejoice over you with singing.”
Psalm 32:5
"I acknowledged my sin unto thee, And mine iniquity have I not hid. I said, I will confess my transgressions unto the LORD; And thou forgavest the iniquity of my sin. " Jesus Christ took all on himself to the cross and nailed it there.
Thank you @helgafy I use scripture daily over myself, family, and life in general. Some trauma needs deeper work and acknowledgment. God is so good. Always loyal and wise.
P.s I love those scriptures. Ty again
@SacredGarden
"Some trauma needs deeper work and acknowledgment." You're so right in that. Bibleverses cannot make an arm which is broken whole (except if Jesus Christ heals it immediately of course - and I think natural healing is also a wonder). I suffer a lot each day. Today I struggle with accepting my suffering. I need to accept to not become bitter in any way or act like a victim. So today I read a bit on YouTube about Buddhism - the way it talks about suffering and also Carl Jung; he is talking a lot of what happens to the soul and the ego during suffering.
@SacredGarden
lol. I thought I would not write to you today because you initiated a conversation with Pieces. But since you gave thanks for the Bibleverses I'll ask you a question. You're an ordained priestess. Do you belong to a congregation? I'm a Lutheran myself.
@Helgafy
i felt lead to share some scriptures with you on this subject.
I'll search for information about biblical figures who struggled with self-worth despite their relationship with God, and look for references to original Hebrew and Greek texts.Let me search more specifically for biblical figures who struggled with self-doubt and worth while being faithful to God.Based on my knowledge of Scripture and the search results, here are several biblical figures who struggled with self-worth and insecurity even while walking with God:
Moses - The Reluctant Leader
Exodus 3:11, 4:10-13 - When God called Moses at the burning bush:
- Hebrew: "וַיֹּאמֶר מֹשֶׁה אֶל־הָאֱלֹהִים מִי אָנֹכִי כִּי אֵלֵךְ אֶל־פַּרְעֹה" (Exodus 3:11)
- Translation: "But Moses said to God, 'Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh?'"
In Exodus 4:10, Moses says: "אֲדֹנָי לֹא אִישׁ דְּבָרִים אָנֹכִי" - "O Lord, I am not eloquent" (literally "not a man of words").
Moses felt weak and inadequate despite being chosen by God, demonstrating that even God's chosen leader struggled with feelings of unworthiness.
Gideon - The Fearful Warrior
Judges 6:12-15 - The angel calls Gideon "mighty warrior" (גִּבּוֹר הַחַיִל), but Gideon responds:
- Hebrew: "בִּי אֲדֹנִי בַּמֶּה אוֹשִׁיעַ אֶת־יִשְׂרָאֵל הִנֵּה אַלְפִּי הַדַּל בִּמְנַשֶּׁה וְאָנֹכִי הַצָּעִיר בְּבֵית־אָבִי"
- Translation: "But Lord, how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family."
God saw Gideon's potential, but Gideon's fear and personal insecurity meant all he could see were obstacles.
Jeremiah - The Reluctant Prophet
Jeremiah 1:6 - When called by God:
- Hebrew: "וָאֹמַר אֲהָהּ אֲדֹנָי יְהֹוִה הִנֵּה לֹא־יָדַעְתִּי דַבֵּר כִּי־נַעַר אָנֹכִי"
- Translation: "Alas, Sovereign Lord! I do not know how to speak; I am too young."
Later in Jeremiah 20:7-9, he expresses deep anguish and even curses the day he was born (Jeremiah 20:14-18), showing ongoing struggles with his calling.
Elijah - The Despairing Prophet
1 Kings 19:4 - After his victory over the prophets of Baal:
- Hebrew: "וַיֵּלֶךְ בַּמִּדְבָּר דֶּרֶךְ יוֹם וַיָּבֹא וַיֵּשֶׁב תַּחַת רֹתֶם אֶחָד וַיִּשְׁאַל אֶת־נַפְשׁוֹ לָמוּת"
- Translation: "He went a day's journey into the wilderness, came and sat down under a solitary broom tree, and asked that he might die."
Elijah felt so worthless that he wanted to die, saying "I am no better than my ancestors" (v. 4).
David - The Psalmist's Struggles
Despite being "a man after God's own heart," David frequently expressed feelings of unworthiness:
Psalm 22:6 - "וְאָנֹכִי תוֹלַעַת וְלֹא־אִישׁ חֶרְפַּת אָדָם וּבְזוּי עָם" Translation: "But I am a worm and not a man, scorned by everyone, despised by the people."
Psalm 139:23-24 shows David's ongoing need for God's examination of his heart, indicating ongoing insecurity about his spiritual state.
Paul - The Apostle's Weakness
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 - Paul speaks of his "thorn in the flesh" and God's response:
- Greek: "καὶ εἴρηκέν μοι· ἀρκεῖ σοι ἡ χάρις μου· ἡ γὰρ δύναμις ἐν ἀσθενείᾳ τελεῖται"
- Translation: "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'"
These examples show that struggling with self-worth doesn't disqualify us from God's love or calling. In fact, God often chooses those who feel inadequate because they won't take the glory that belongs to Him alone. The Hebrew and Greek texts reveal that these feelings were genuine struggles, not just literary devices, showing us that even the greatest biblical figures wrestled with insecurity while maintaining their faith in God.
@SacredGarden
Hi again.
It's very nice you have come to 7Cups! I hope you'll enjoy your time here. It's very nice that you have reached out on the site of Pieces. Since you already have written 4 books, I'll give you a Bibleverse about our great Author Jesus Christ who has a book written for each of us, Psalm 139.16: all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
@SacredGarden
Hi!
You wrote: "love Jesus and Truth. Love healing and helping others to heal." Can you please help me to heal? I have severe sickness of ME/CFS (lack of energy). Each day I don't know if I will live or d i e because of lack of energy.
I will also tell you that I first read your screen-name as "Secred Garden". It is a Norwegian/Irish musicgroup with very fine music. I'm from Norway. All the best - Helga.
Hi @ helgafy. I have a hard time keeping up on threads here it seems. How do we start a pen pal chat? I’d love to chat more. 🌸🦋🩵 I find the notifications don't redirect me to the direct response so have to scroll to find them all.
@SacredGarden Hello! I’m sorry for my late reply. I think I have been having some connectivity problems recently. I am trying to catch up on notifications.
@piecesofwhoeveriwas
Good morning & happy Sunday. Hope it finds you well today and lifted up. I'm taking my daughter to a new church today. We haven't gone regularly since covid shut everything down. She is homeschooled and her main social life is with kids online. Yikes.
Reading your and @helgafy reply keeps bringing up the subject to me that I've struggled with all my life. I started leading people to Christ and Gods love before I turned 5. No joke.
Being a healer and a minister i know people judge me. How can you heal and also be sick. How can you help but also struggle !? Well folks I'm not sure other than the Divine Holy Spirit and our Co Creators grace and Christs amazing feat. My King my Warrior. He holds the keys. I can do nothing without God for I am of God. Love..
So though I struggle. I overcome. Though we fall Divine Love lifts us up again.
Funny you said that about that scripture reminding you that maybe it's okay to be different! I've been struggling with a lot of same thinking patterns you have mentioned. Like the battle has been so great and often unseen I forgot my right in the Lord. To have peace. To accept love and grace and remember Gods mercies are new daily. To remember we have been given authority over our own minds and spirits around us. Even nature !
But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God's special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.1 peter
I think a lot of us have core beliefs resurfacing as we fave this life. Religious and political mainstream bondages that often keep us in the same loop rather than actually growing.
What stops us? Fear. Lies. Isolation. Self defeated thinking and actions. Habits.
I love how through it all you keep drawing to Gods love for you and Gods understanding of you. Perfect! He knows our hearts in the midst of it all my friend. God is so good. It's the battle we fight and forget it's already been overcome. All we need to do is BECOME. What we already are. Our true selves. Clear and free.
It's so hard to find true connections here yes because most people even people at church may not be living their fully authentic selves. Everything in this world seems to be about appearances. A set in motion stage only Gods people break out of. Which is even more isolating. Which is why we have to remember who we are. A set apart peculiar people. On this earth for much more than ourselves.
I know i do not know you in the sense of the world thinks but I love you in the Lord and all purity of heart. Praying this smooths out for you and your flow starts taking over . The River of Life is eternally flowing. Available and already a part of us.
You mentioned foggy brain. I really encourage you to join insight timer app with me. It's my same handle as here. It is also very private and safe place.
If you decide to try it I reccomend starting with the reset and refresh challenge. But the app is so vast you can search for anything and find amazing sessions that are guaranteed to help clear some of the mess inside if practice daily. Along with prayer and journaling .. I'm telling you. Watch your life change and the answers you've been wanting start coming to life before your eyes
Enemy hates when we heal and find our power but stick to it and boom.. (like when I actually manage to do my handicap workouts lol at first all those spots I dnt like about myself are still there but as I keep going suddenly there is change then more so much I am transformed )
I hope this isn't too long and like a book to read lol. Sending blessings 🥰🙏🏼🌸
@SacredGarden
Perfect!!!!!
lol - it is the 3. time in a few days I have been reminded of 1. Peter as you quote. Things happens like that in between in my life - things come simultaniously.
All the best - Helga.
@SacredGarden
Hi again.
Since you're a healer I'm very interested in that you heal me (in the name of Jesus Christ of course) from my depression and lack of energy (staying in bed/sofa all day).
From Helga.
@SacredGarden
Hi @SacredGarden and @PiecesOfWhoeverIWas
I will dissect a bit your writing SacredGaarden.
1. It is not my business - but why do you homeschool your child. Would it not be better for her to socialise with other children in school?
2. I'm very impressed by you - so early wanting other persons to know about God!
3. Being a healer - wow. Well I have written another place here that if you want to, I would very much like that you prayed for my healing. Why should people judge you? They are not kind people if they're doing that. Matthew 7:1 “Judge not, that you be not judged."
If you want to, you can tell what kind of sickness you have.
4. I like very much that you're so mature in the faith.
5. Of course it is OK to be different. We all are. None of us have the same fingerprints. Here is a fine verse for you Isaiah 62:3 "You will be a crown of splendor in the Lord’s hand, a royal diadem in the hand of your God."
6. I like very much your writing about authority.
7. I like very much that you're writing about becoming our true selves and you talk also about our authenticity. You write: "Everything in this world seems to be about appearances." I think the different states of the US may be different. When I was 25 I visited California. I was thinking then: "I could not live here, life seems so superficial."
8. I like that you're talking of "The River of Life." Jesus Christ called Himself "living water".
9. I agree very much with you that we have an enemy.
From Helga living in Bergen, Norway.
@Helgafy
thank you for the feedback :) my daughter does see other children. homeschooling is 100% the best way for us. she participates in library events and church events too sees friends etc. there is nothing wrong with being alone at times. i do not believe in most mainstream ideas about children other than as of now , the right of - it is my child i will raise my child how i am lead to. be blessed ;) that freedom i do believe in
hope you are well today. how is the weather over there? hotter than heck here!
@SacredGarden
Hi! It was you who wrote about your daughter "her main social life is with kids online". That's why I wrote what I did.
You use the word "heck". I thought that was a very bad word to use - why do you use that?
The summer here is fine.
I'll not bother you with this if you don't like me to ask. But about your healing gift; Do you want to pray for me to get well?
All the best from Helga.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas Faith is funny to a degree. I know I have asked the same thing you have and asked all the why’s I could and the only thing I can come up with is not only did he not want us to be sick but he allowed us to have these illnesses to teach us. It may be an odd cruel way to teach someone but knowing how hard headed and stubborn many of can be may be one reason why. Also back to teaching its been said God only gives us what we can handle and from it-no noone asks to be sick and yet many of us battle through stuff and survive while others quit or just give up on ife and basically become a couch potato with no will to do things and live. I on the other hand have chosen not to do that so I changed it around to view my illnesses as a gift. By doing this I can teach as well as show others you can win this you have the power to control it rather than it control you. From this view I not only have inspired others and helped them to keep fighting but it’s also helped motivate me and made me stronger.
@eternalHero77 I understand what you’re saying. I have had many of these same thoughts. I have had experiences that were very stressful at the time but I ended up being thankful for later. I remember once younger praying for wisdom, and I think some of my life has given me that. I try to think of that at times when I struggle with this issue, and I’ll settle on faith that I just don’t know what’s in my future yet. But I’m not 100% there yet. For most of my life I have wanted to understand the reasons for everything. In some ways (on some days) my mind feels as if it’s regressed from this into a simple numbness where I don’t care why, I just don’t want to hurt my whole life. I’m older, I don’t like running the way I am affects my kids. I don’t think I want to stop pain from happening, but I would like some good to counteract it somewhat so I can feel stronger and lessen my own suffering. I don’t feel like I can do it on my own. But I’m also scared to be more vulnerable. I may be partially standing in my own way. I need someone who’s patient and won’t mind that I speak slowly sometimes or trip over my words.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas Ok thanks now I recall who you are now. In any event He wont fail you. Sometimes we have to go through certain things for us to recognize him and realize people may come and go out our lives but he wont. I reflected on this a few times and I saw that the people who believed in him—really believed—Those are the ones in my life today. They may not be close by no more so I cant go for a visit. All I can do is message. For those who didnt believe those are the ones no longer in my life. I hear you regarding to pain. Pain of any kind is not fun. My worst pain is physical and yet as bad as it can be at times I still can get up and do for me. EEven to myy daughter not only was I told she wouldnt survive but several times I was told she things like she would never walk normal she wouldnt be able to do one thing or the other but yet she has beat all odds. I would not give up keep believing in him as well as believe in yourself. Belief and faith goes both ways from him to you to you to him and to yourself and he will see you through.
@eternalHero77
Friend - if you want to you can scroll this site from "Pieces" and watch what I've been writing. Then you'll get a glimpse of who I am. Thank you for being a listener.
@eternalHero77 Thank you. 🙏 I pray one day this pain will be a distant memory, and I’ll feel silly for losing hope.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas I would think all of us who believe in Him at some point we lose hope but its when certain things happen unfortunatly is then can we recognize it. At one time I really didn’t give him no thought til several years later after I was stranled by my ex where I came to question why is it that so many do not survive who was in my situation but I did. I looked at that which bought me to look back at other situations-my mom not having enough of money to clothed me yet people would give her clothes for me to have same went for food. After I lost my mom I was not the type of person to reach out for help and I’m still not. I never told anyone I needed help to feed my children yet one day I open the door and there’s a bag of food. I can give so many stories that I have no answers to other than it came from God. Its things like this when I revealed it in MY anger mgmt group years ago a group member literally got upset with me wondering how was it I received these things yet she didn’t. Again It’s a question I can not answer. I Don’t Know what I did to deserve it but I do know although I have had more bad things happen to me than good, the good I have received outweighs all the bad. So no I wish I didn’t have to go through the things I did but if it was something I had to go through to see his love in action then maybe it was all worth while.
