Struggling with my faith
I’m losing hope. My faith is suffering. I believe that suffering is necessary sometimes to learn, appreciate the good, develop character, and gain wisdom. I understand what the Bible says about suffering. I don’t disagree with any of it. But I’m having a hard time accepting why God wanted my life to be this way. I have lived a miserable existence since I was a child. I have had good things in my life, and I try to focus on those, but those things don’t fill gaps in certain important areas. I can’t seem to get to a point where I feel I’m on a solid foundation. God is supposed to be all we need, but this life has worn me down to the point where I’m having problems focusing on Him or believing certain truths I used to believe like He loves me. I can’t imagine this is what He wants for me.
I already wrote a lot here, but if you want more background on why I feel so depressed and hopeless: https://www.7cups.com/forum/depression/General_2427/Howtoacceptreality_357182/
It doesn’t help that I feel guilty for even feeling this way in the first place, because so many people have things worse than me: poverty, disabilities, war, natural disasters. I have dealt with some of those things on some level, and I was able to keep hope and push to get through. But the thing I have never been able to push past is loneliness. I feel like I could do anything if I had a friend, family members, love and support from someone in my daily life. I have children, and they make me feel fulfilled, but it’s a different kind of relationship. I literally have no one else who would be at my funeral. I can’t keep my motivation up when I feel like everything I do is by myself, I can’t lean on anyone ever. This website has been helpful getting me through many days, and I’ve met some amazing people, but I hope I don’t sound unappreciative when I say I really need companionship off the computer. We all have busy lives and can’t be here all the time for each other. I need the warmth of a hug, to hear someone’s voice say a kind word of encouragement, to have some company. God can’t even give me a hug, that would be enough. I don’t need parties or a lot of people, just one person, just sometimes. God doesn’t deny that to everyone, what have I done that’s so bad?
I’m getting older. Why has God let so much of my life go by alone? The loneliness is eating me alive. At one time I believed it taught me things, but it’s gone on long enough now, and it’s hard for me to believe He wants me to be thinking the dark things I’m thinking. I’m trying to meet Him halfway by making the effort, going out there and trying. But He’s not putting anyone in my path who is interested, or kind. If anything I seem to get hurt more. I’m torn between trying more and giving up on people. How old do I need to be? I don’t know if I even know how to make a friend. I’ve been told people like me and I’m funny, but it never turns into anything. I’ve even had people literally tell me they’re not looking for a friend right now.
Is this all there is? I’m just supposed to be miserable my whole time here looking forward to Heaven? It does something to a person’s mind, spending their life unloved and knowing no one cares if they’re here or not. I can feel my mind is different than it used to be, like it has a disease. What good is God using this for? I used to believe that and see it. But it’s too much, too much. I need relief, not to keep being told it’s for my own good.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas
I love you <3
@ShadowFaerie @unassumingEyes @Sunisshiningandsoareyou @sadcat13 @Amanda84 @goldenduckling @mytwistedsoul @Tinywhisper11 @LovemyMoonflowers @GreenLime3141 @7Bear7 @Phoenixthepoised @Torean @GentleHealingInitiative @Wazowski91 @cyanessence @YourCaringConfidant @CaringEzra @NobleSeeker @fossilfellow @BastionKnight @trueconfidant123
Our dear sweet Pieces needs some love, please! <3 <3 <3
I read every word.
I have felt some of the things that you have. I also have faith and think about God a lot. I totally feel you that it can be hard to make sense of things sometimes. I would suggest not to give up on people. You could take a break if you want, but don’t give up on people entirely.
I think it always is darkest before the dawn, so I wouldn’t be surprised if your breakthrough comes soon because that is how things go sometimes.
It sucks not to have anyone in real life that you can rely on. I have struggled to make friends at times too.
You are on the right track to be praying for what you desire in life and keeping God in the forefront of your mind. Keep doing those things.
You are not doomed to a miserable life forever. Things can, and I believe, will, change.
Hugs,
GreenLime
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas I'm sorry you're going through this... Your feelings are valid and they matter.
You matter 🤍 I probably don't have the right words, but i just want you to know, you're not alone ❤️ It's a phase, and it will pass on... you don't have to carry this weight alone your whole life 🤍 you deserve all the love and support ❤️ I wish everything you're going through starts to feel lighter 🍀
You're Awesome ❤️
Sending lots of love towards you! 🐾❤️
@jesusredeemedme2425 @GreenLime3141 @fossilfellow I hope I got everyone’s names right.
Thank you for taking the time to read and write. I’m sure you are right that things will get better. I’m just having trouble seeing it right now. I’ve been trying to put things in God’s hands and be patient for some time. It’s funny how I’ve thought I was at my limit many times before, but kept hanging on, and things are so much worse now. In a way it shows me I’m stronger than I thought it was, but I know I’ve sustained some mental damage along the way. Some things are happening that make me think I might be losing it a little. I worry my brain is too far gone by the time a friend finally does come around. I feel like I’ve been stranded on an island for years and when I finally make human contact again I’ll have forgotten how to speak. I’m so much more awkward around people than I used to be, and I wasn’t even great then. ☺️ I had an isolated childhood so I’ve never really known how to socialize properly. I think I’m ok, but I believe that’s part of the problem. Trying to keep myself in check so I don’t accidentally push away someone great. Part of the reason I’m on 7 Cups is just to practice talking to people, is that sad? 😔
Anyway, thanks again for listening. I hope you all are doing ok. ❤️
It’s not sad at all. I’m sure there’s tons of people doing the same thing. *hugs* <3
@PeicesOfWhoeverIWas I'm also very awkward around people❤️ it's okay not to be okay, You're trying and that matters 🤍 lots of love to you! ❤️❤️
You might not believe me, but I have been there. I was hospitalized for a psychiatric episode in 2016, and I didn’t hang out with people again until 2018, so it was over two years. I wasn’t great at socializing in 2016 or before, and then I had two years alone.
Anyway, I was really scared to join a social group in 2018, but I did, and just kept going back, even though I didn’t really enjoy it for a long long time, but now I have two or three current friends from that group.
My fears about being worse at socializing than before all worked out. There were moments that were hard, but now I am better than I used to be!
@GreenLime3141 Thank you so much for sharing this. I’m sorry you went through all that. I’m glad you’re doing better now, that gives me hope. You’ve done a lot of hard work for yourself. It is scary getting out there and being vulnerable with people. What you described about gaining a couple friends after a while of attending events, that’s exactly what I’m hoping for. I’ve been doing some thinking about different places I can try joining events that might help me meet people more like me.
And yes, I am doing okay!
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas hey I don't know if it is helpful or not but I feel the exact same way. It feels like someone put words to my thoughts and feelings. I'm struggling with my faith too. And since childhood I've heard that God is present, he listens, he sees, he answers. But I can't see Him, I can't hear the answers, I can't ask Him to give me a hug when I desperately need one, I can ugly cry and talk to Him about my suffering but end up feeling like I've been talking to myself. I don't want to hallucinate Him sitting across me, listening to me and answering. I don't want to hallucinate a hug from Him. I want to feel someone's presence, hear their voice, see them and I want someone to hug me and whom I can hug. I want a friend. But maybe it's too much to ask. And I want to know the thoughts and feelings of someone with a strong faith even after life put them through *** since childhood. And someone who has overcome loneliness, depression, anxiety, suicide and still have a strong faith. I want to know how did they overcome such things and is it my fault for thinking differently and what factors are involved in this. Why do they have a strong faith after all of this and why am I struggling. What did they do differently and what was their thought pattern. What is going on in their head. And I want to know how did someone manage to overcome their weak faith cause this maybe my only way out of this.
@intellectualHemlock9508 I wish I could give you a real hug right now. I’m glad my words spoke to you, but I don’t like to think of you going through this too. You also put words to things I go through, like pouring my heart and tears out to God and wondering if I’m just talking to myself. I don’t think it’s too much to ask for companionship. I believe that’s why God gave us community and others to live around. I just can’t wrap my head around why some of us have such a hard time finding the right people. Just in your words here, I see someone of kindness and depth.
@intellectualHemlock9508
Beautiful written Hemlock. You're deeply loved by God/Jesus Christ.
It sounds like you really have been through a lot, especially after switching to the other post.
What it makes me want to say, is that you shouldn't feel guilty for feeling this way. Like, first of all, you don't sound particularly ungrateful to me. Secondly, yeah, some people have suffered in ways that you probably wouldn't have the stomach to watch, but that doesn't make your suffering less valid. It doesn't make you less valid as a person for your own feelings. Whether or not this is all God's plan, the world is a broken place, and people get lonely, people need uplifting, people want to connect - those are not things that you should feel bad for. You deserve hugs for sure, and it would be nice if you could just feel God's presence for a moment. Lacking those things, you're well within understandable rights to have the feelings that you do... And even if you didn't lack those things, questioning and emotion doesn't equate to being ungrateful.
You are valid. That's the main point I'm trying to convey, and I hope that hearing it here helps. You seem like a kind person, and you are deserving of happiness just as anyone is.
@Torean
Friend - I so much agree with you: "the world is a broken place" and many of us are. I think it is Leonard Cohen who sings in one of his songs: "There is a crack in everything, that's where the light comes in."
@Torean Thank you. It really does help for someone to read this and tell me my feelings are valid, that I’m not sounding ungrateful. I think part of the loneliness is a detachment from feeling human, forgetting that I’m not as different from others as I sometimes think.
I used to not feel human too! I forgot about that! I felt so out of place everywhere! I felt like everyone looked at me weird and treated me differently. It was really scary and hard. I just wanted to run away and hide.
@GreenLime3141 I wish I didn’t pick up on those looks and things from people. Some people tell me they don’t notice things like that, and I’d love to not notice too! I have a hard time getting it out of my head once it’s there.
@GreenLime3141
Friend - my heart goes out to you. Be blessed.
Thank you
I thought I should update that I’m feeling a little better today. I’ve been revisiting my thoughts with some different perspectives and realizations. It’s really helped talking here and receiving such an outpouring of love and support from you all. So I just wanted to thank you again for taking the time to read and respond to me. You’ll all be in my prayers. ❤️
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas I'm glad your feeling a bit better today, and I'm so glad you reached out here when you were feeling so low 💖 it's not weird that your learning how to communicate with people here, when I first came here I didn't have a clue how to have a conversation with anyone but this place helped me find my voice🙂 you've been through so much bless you 🙁 I completely understand how lonely it all feels and I know it's not always easy to keep faith when your feeling so low 🙁 I believe God has a plan for everyone but we might not understand our path until we get to meet the big guy in the sky💖 when times are really hard please remember you are loved here and cares about very very much 💖 hugs you tightly 💖 I love you 💗
@Tinywhisper11 Thank you dear. ❤️ I love you too.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas
I hear your pain. I can empathize with that. I'm posting this not to share my pity but to try to help.
I've gone through a similar issue in my life. First of all, God does not want you to suffer. There is suffering in the world. We're all like a bunch of kids who fight, make mistakes, and mess up the planet. Suffering happens when we reap the bad actions (and thoughts) that we've sown.
So, suffering isn't something that God does to us, but it is something that we've caused to happen.
Now you might think, "how did I cause this to happen? It's unfair because I didn't know."
Okay, that's why there are lots of people in the world trying to help others. This website is one place where people can help others see what they're doing to themselves.
If you know that you're doing it to yourself, you can do something about it right? That's a positive thing. The next realization you need to have is the power of your own mind. God created us in His image. That means we're creative. Jesus said "greater things than these shall you do," (John 14:12)
God didn't create us to be victims, carrying on in cycles of suffering. That's what the devil wants.
If you want to empower yourself, see positive change in your life, and find love, you need to change your way of thinking now. Stop thinking and feeling thoughts of pain, loneliness, jealousy, revenge, unfairness, discontentment, anger, etc. Change this to a habit of thinking and feeling thoughts of compassion, joy, gratitude, acceptance, love, forgiveness, kindness, etc.
When you do this you actually restructure your brain. You allow God's angels to move things around in your life. Things happen such as randomly meeting your life partner. Things fall into place the way you never imagined. You'll use your God-given creativity, being created in His image, and make the love and positively manifest in your life.
Cool, this sounds good and all but its difficult. You need to practice everyday. It's not going to happen overnight. You need to have faith and persist. Whenever a negative thought pops up in your mind, let it go and replace it with a high, loving thought. You'll fall back into your old way of think as time goes on because it's an old habit, but keep going. Get back up again and keep trying. When your brain finally changes, and your creativity starts working in your life, it'll pick up momentum. Persevere and keep praying.
Hope this helps, and be strong.
@RamsayWick9780
Friend - I see from your bio that you "revert to Islam". Does that mean that you were a Muslim all the time?
@Helgafy
Hello, no I recently reverted to Islam this year. I grew up as a Christian and studied the Bible for 18 years. Then I diverted to studying other religions before joining Islam. I don't have a missionary attitude and intend only to answer questions that are asked. My aim is to help people regardless of their religion. I do quote from Bible passages that I know. Correct me if I misinterpret it.
@RamsayWick9780
Well my friend. Then you for sure know very well that the Islam religion is lying about the center teaching of Christianity – that Christ was crucified and rose again. I want to say; Jesus Christ was much more than a prophet – as the Muslims say he was only. He was/is a saviour who gave his life on the cross to save us from our sins so that we could be righteous in front of God. And he was raised from the grave 3 days after his death. This is very well documented in the Bible, but the Muslims say it was another man that was crucified and another man who was walking on the earth 3 days after the crucifiction.
He was called "the word" also as written in the Bible: He was God, much more than a prophet.
John 1 "1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 He was with God in the beginning. 3 Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. 4 In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. 5 The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it."
And the Word - Jesus Christ - became flesh 2000 years ago.
@RamsayWick9780
Hi.
@Helgafy
Okay, thanks for telling me of your interactions with Muslims.
@RamsayWick9780
Thank you Ramsay for answering me.
@RamsayWick9780
John 14:6
Jesus said to him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me." Do you not consider His words true?
@Helgafy
I live in South Africa.
I believe Jesus spoke the truth.
However, He didn't speak English. So I'm tentatively not convinced that that is what He said. Similarly it would be hard to convince someone of something I said 2 thousand years from now.
Regarding the content of that sentence, He was living an example for us to follow. His life was more important than His death in my opinion. Whatever opinion a person may have about the manner of His passing from this world.
Also, the fact that His life was an example proves that He was not the only one, but any of His followers could then be living the way, truth and life after Him.
@RamsayWick9780 I have often thought too that what Jesus taught in His life gets overshadowed by His death. Not that I think it is insignificant by any means, but just in the way people focus. I try to befriend Christians hoping for some commonality in that area, but maybe it is the area I live now, so many I meet before I even say a word about faith hold up a proud hand claiming Jesus is their savior, and they can quote more Bible verses than I can. But once that introduction of their status is over they proceed to make fun of our host’s house/family. Or I catch them lying to gain something from someone, looking down on other Christians, putting so much importance in appearance. Sometimes they might recognize some other sin they do, and I’ll listen hopeful for more substance, but they’ll proudly repeat how Jesus forgives them so they continue to do it and make no effort to feel remorse or change. It’s discouraging. I know everyone is in a different place in their journey, I am ignorant and immature in many ways, but the ferocity is shocking to me sometimes. It’s not sharing feelings of being hurt by someone, it’s making fun of how they look and live. I just can’t stomach trying to have a friendship like that. I feel (for example) such sorrow for the host they just laughed at with other people, who is still smiling feeding them, it makes me feel complicit even if I don’t join in, even if I say something to stand up for them. I know they aren’t aware of what’s been said, it’s this secret I have to keep. I’d often wish to befriend the victim, and I do have acquaintances because of this, but so far this has been people who didn’t want another close friend or was perhaps opposite sex and unwanted for that reason which is fine.
Anyway, I just wanted to say that I too wish people talked a little more about what Jesus taught, not just the sacrifice. That is why He came, because humanity was checking boxes and forgetting basic love. He didn’t die so that we could justify in His name that it’s ok to still be unkind to one another.
Yes, what you're describing is hypocrisy. Different people are at different levels of spirituality and faith. It's no excuse to be mean to other people and you can see how this can discourage others from serving God. What would Jesus want?
@RamsayWick9780 Hi Ramsay, thank you so much for sharing these thoughts. This gave me a lot to think about.
You’re right, God doesn’t desire suffering, the devil does. It is an age old question why God allows what He does. It is just the way He knows is best, and our minds can’t comprehend all the pieces. I’ve managed not to let this question plague me in other troubles of my life, seeing how there was some hidden blessing or thing to be learned. I think I have become emotionally fatigued on this issue because it has gone on so many decades despite renewed hope and trying ad nauseam. I started to notice how different I am now, like I’ve forgotten what it feels like to be cared for. The memories I do have of this are as a child, but it was warped even then because I learned that I wasn’t actually being loved. That might sound confusing. Sometimes children being innocent don’t know that they are in a bad situation. They might know something doesn’t feel right, but they think it’s normal and everyone’s like that. So the feeling of love I do vaguely remember isn’t real anyway. I have children of my own, so I know now what love is supposed to feel like, I see it in them. They feel nurtured by me. I feel love from them, but not nurturing of course.
Regarding a bad childhood, I know that suffering was not caused by my own doing. However, I agree that much of my current suffering is because of choices I’ve made as an adult. I have made some peace with the fact that I did what I thought was right at the time and would probably do it again, but the reality is all our choices have a ripple effect. We all have to make hard choices, and they may not necessarily lead to something great (and maybe more suffering), but maybe they also steer us away from other suffering. I did some reading about making choices based on fear instead of what we value, and I believe that (although the choices led me to escape a bad situation) I didn’t make the decision calmly with clear discernment based on what I believe. So it led me right into another bad situation.
Maybe pain isn’t always avoidable, but I agree that my way of thinking can make my level of suffering worse. Like you said, I’ll try to take this in little steps. I don’t want to sabotage myself. I think there must be a balance between acknowledging the reality of what I’m experiencing, with not letting it consume me and keep trying.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas
Always remember; Isaiah 43:4 "you are precious and honored in my sight, and I love you" (from our generous God/Jesus Christ).
@Helgafy Thank you friend Helga. ❤️ It’s so good to hear from you! I hope you’ve been doing well.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas
Thank you for your generousity that it was OK that I jumped in to answer one of your friends here. Another quote: Zeph.3.17;
"The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing."
@Helgafy How have things been for you my friend? I think it’s been a while since we’ve chatted.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas
Pieces.
Well, each day I must say I struggle to hold my head above the water. Because of severe ME/CFS I have not been able to walk outside for 3 years. I also struggle a lot to get some food in my stomack. Yesterday I had breakfast (that is fine) and later 2 pieces of lemon cake. Well-well. The people at Gaza are beeing shot when they wait in a que for their food - so can I complain dear fait-sister. There is also this Bibleverse: "God is able to fill all your needs after His riches in glory (in heaven)."
@Helgafy I’m sorry things have not gotten better with your ME/CFS. It’s good that you’ve been getting some food down. It sounds like soft or breaded items work best? Does your stomach tolerate salted crackers? How about soups? It must be very difficult not being able to go outside.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas
@Helgafy Oh! Ice cream and fruit are yummy choices! 😊
Yes it is awesome to think of how big His love is and all the wonders He has done. ❤️ That is a great verse.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas
@RamsayWick9780
Hi.
@Helgafy
This is a tough one, because I don't feel the same pain that you feel. I can say that acceptance reduces suffering. Resisting pain does make it worse, because a lot of it happens in the mind.
@RamsayWick9780
Thank you wise Ramsay. You wrote: "Resisting pain does make it worse,". I think Buddhism says the same. So when the dark, brown river overflows me with it forces, I just stay there or flow where ever it takes me. I guess life/God/Jesus Christ teach me something more about myself in these days. Thank you again. I bless you in the name of the Father, the Son (even if you don't believe Jesus Christ was God - lol) and the Holy Spirit. From your friend Helga.
@Helgafy I’m sorry for your suffering, Helga friend. ❤️ I struggle to accept my own version of suffering too, so I understand this. I believe Ramsay is wise in saying that acceptance can reduce suffering. I am striving to do the same. I think pain is unavoidable, but we can make the degree of suffering worse when we resist the pain. It’s easier said than done, especially when you’ve been dealing with this a long time. I can feel myself resisting things, and I can tell it makes it worse, but we have the urge to fight for ourselves to make life better. It’s understandable. I try to welcome some suffering for what it can teach me and so I can understand Jesus’s suffering better. You are taking the right steps by starting with faith, even when things are hard to understand.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas
Thank you so much Pieces. I think both you, @RamsayWick9780 and I would be fine Buddhists! I have read though that Buddha never ment for anybody to worship him. All the best sister in faith.
From Helga.
