Drink from the Nourishing Cup!
There are two ways of healing, recovering and making progress in life.The first is to do things that are good; the second is to take away things that are bad. Many of us have a bias towards “doing something” because it feels like doing something is good (quick look busy!). However, sometimes we can heal faster or make more progress by removing bad or harmful things. For example, starting to walk a couple of days a week would be doing something good, whereas eating less pizza would be an example of removing something that would increase your overall health.
Credit to @obs for creating this image!
This is sometimes called via negativa or improving things through subtraction. We all know that eating too much, drinking too much, spending too much time on social media, or reading the news constantly is not good for us. It is hard to not have that last cookie. Or, because we have hunter gatherer brains, it is tough to not look at social media because we might miss something important - even though there is very little that is critical to be found on social media.
I was trying to think of a brain hack that might help address this challenge. Getting something (the cookie) feels good in the moment even if it is ultimately not so good. When we don’t actively get something it can feel like we are missing out. One idea that I wanted to share is the idea of drinking from the nourishing cup. What if we gave ourselves something good when we removed something harmful?
Here are a couple of examples:
--I do not eat the sweet (and I love sweets) and instead make a cup of herbal tea. As I’m drinking the tea, I meditate on the idea that I just gave my body a break and helped myself become a little healthier by not eating the sweet. I gave myself an extra boost of health as symoblized by drinking from the nourishing cup.
--I reduce my social media/news by 30 minutes a day. Instead, during that time, I drink my nourishing cup of tea and realize that I just gave my brain a sense of clarity and rest, because I removed the distractions.
--another example of this is intermittent fasting. I do the 5:2 diet where I eat regularly 5 days a week and limit my calories on 2 days. When we fast, we enable our body to use energy to eat up bad cells instead of spending that energy metabolizing food. A good way to start with this is to just try to bump the first time you eat up in the morning. If you normally eat at 8am, then try to eat at 8:30, and then 9 etc. The longer you go the more your body uses that energy to get rid of cells that can cause inflammation and cancer etc. On days I fast, I’m normally pretty hungry right around dinner time. I eat a small dinner and then drink a nourishing cup of chamomile tea to remind myself that I gained something by helping my body heal
@soulfullyabutterfly helped me with this post and made a great recommendation. Drink from the nourishing cup - the same mug or the same replacement behavior - to help your brain learn to reinforce the idea that you are getting something nourishing when you remove something harmful. Repetition helps a lot. I’m going to keep my mug out and visible so I can see it to be triggered to remember to drink from the nourishing cup.
Another key idea here is to just start small. Small steps - no step is too small! - help us move forward. Asking too much of ourselves or trying to be perfect in this process will not help. Instead, just take one small step at a time and you’ll get there.
I would welcome anyone who wants to try this out with me to see how it goes. I plan to do it more deliberately in the next couple of weeks. Want to join? If yes, and if you feel comfortable sharing, outline the item you are removing and how you plan to replace it. Please also share any thoughts on how we can improve on this idea and make it more helpful. It still feels too complicated to me and I’m struggling with how to simplify it. Thank you!
@Glen M
Thanks for sharing 😊
@lovelyWaterfall2170 you bet!
I have seen this post pop up under the bell - I have wanted to read this but felt so dang stuck in my pain and using things that hurt me in order to cope with, things that hurt me. Like - why do I hurt myself in response to being hurt? This is something I no longer want in my life. So, I read this post , just now. I am ready to do this. I am ready to stop living in pain that I cause in response to pain from others.
When I am feeling stuck in the darkest place of pain, I am going to take away what I do to fuel the pain and instead , accept the pain and then do something to make me feel better, not worse:
- Instead of listening to my depressing pity party music playlist that makes me feel worse, I am going to make ( today) an inspirational playlist and listen to music that lifts me up and makes me feel stronger.
- When I am being victimized ( which I am, constantly, by toxic family) , instead of ruminating about all the ways they do this to me and feeling helpless and trapped, I am going to DO one thing to stand up for myself. . . even if it is not to my family , it will still be one thought or action that makes me feel stronger and in control. . . maybe even getting off the phone with them - stopping the call right then and there.
- Instead of thinking about and doing, self-harm ( in all the various ways I do it - not taking my meds that I need, self harming on my body, taking too many meds, ect), I am going to do one nourishing thing for myself. Such as engaging in art or writing poetry or learning something new that brings me joy or insights passion in my life.
- Instead of finishing the food on my plate even if I an not hungry, I am going to throw it in a container and put it in the fridge for a snack later or a meal for the next day. ( Retiring from the clean plate club)
- Instead of missing meals or going all day without eating - I am going to use mindfulness and stop and eat something healthy for my body to fuel it and give it the love, attention and fuel that it needs.
I am going to start with these thing, and then later, add more to my list as these first things become habit.
Thank you so much for this post! It was so needed. This has helped me switch my frame of mind into something more healthy and self loving. Little steps Do add up. :)
@GlenM
Glen, this is a good helpful post for many in also many ways. You did well provide simple examples for many to possibly relate to, realize, and maybe want to incorporate for themselves. 😊 I ran across your topic post in the general feed and haven't yet found your actual location. But this is very nice and helpful, Glen, for many. Thank you.
I totally agree that improvements involve both taking away "bad/negative things" and also incorporating better positive things. I agree that many do look to only seek the positive things, and this does cut off the overall effects.
I, personally, have been working on this in many ways on both ends, Glen. I am grateful to finally being doing this!
The things I am needing to work on or much more complicated and involve a whole lot. But it is important, needs doing, and I have gotten ready to do what is needed. I know I will continue to face hurdles with this, as so much difficult things are involved, but it is what it takes to make the improvements I need to make!!! 👍
I understand about the "reward system" you have discussed, with examples you provided, when replacing negative "things" with positive "things." This reward system seems to work well with the majority of people. I, however, am not motivated by rewards in any way. There are good reasons for this, but the bottom line, is I do not care for rewards, nor do they motivate me in any way. I am a totally self-motivate person, and my motivation all comes from within. This is odd and strange to understand, I realize. It has its advantages though.
I agree that fasting has great benefits to our bodies in a lot of ways. There is medical evidence backing this up also. Fasting has been around for thousands of years, but the ways, methods, techniques, forms, ect, followed have changed over the years. But it does help lots!!!!! ❤️
Yes, reputation is a key to changing most all behaviors and even thought processes, and so forth. This is very, very important. I know personally I do need to say more on top of reputation with things I am doing.
@GlenM, I see you have graciously welcomed anyone who wants to try this out with you, and others and see how this goes for us all. I see you mentioned you planned on "do(ing) it more deliberately in the next couple of weeks." I feel I am way late coming into your post and it all may have been ongoing for however long it has been; you and others may already have gone through what you've wanted to go through with this.
You have thought well about placing in steps for an action, reporting, and follow-up plans/procedures. 👍
You want us to outline the item(s) we want/are removing, how we are replacing them, and to share thoughts on improving this whole thought process to make it more helpful.
@GlenM, I'm concerned with my problems not being simple ones and they may very well be the wrong place to even address, and botherer anyone with at any level. I would love to do this, but am concerned for others, @GlenM.
I have subscribed to this thread, so hopefully will find notifications, be able to find it again, and will have had time for you to consider this and for me also to consider this.
But I want to thank you very much for your great thread post for everyone!!!! It is a great, positive, workable, solution-oriented thread. ❤️❤️
I wish you the best with what you are working on @GlenM ❤️😊
