Sexual Feelings and Sexx Chat
People come to 7 Cups looking for support for a variety of reasons. Sometimes, people need help with genuine sexual challenges (premature ejaculation, pain during intercourse, sexual addictions, fetishes, women
Thank you so much for posting this Glen. This codifies in my mind exactly where the line is as the direction I have been given in certain situations makes the line between listening and allowing a person to explore their feelings, and where an unacceptable chat begins. I, personally, have been married a long time and am not comfortable having certain types of chats with young people. This posting clears up exactly what is acceptable and what is not. I am so grateful to you!
Thanks for this post! Another helpful resource that I send my Members from time to time (if needed) is this video:
[edited by Krink to make a direct link]
Given the nature of my sexual problem, I totally understand the importance of remaining professional as possible when discussing it.
I'm glad this is getting cleared up. I've had more than a couple of times where I was actually put into sexual situations with guys here and have had to block them. My background with men and not forming trusting bonds is even harder after those situations. Sometimes I even have panic attacks and can't form proper Listener/Member connections. I'm also asexual and have had other people question why they think they could change me or that if the right person comes along I'll change. Thanks for the clarification.
@NorthDUKEStar - I'm sorry you've had to deal with that, and glad to hear that Glen's clarification is helpful for you in this regard.
Thanks so much for this post. These are very important reminders.
geez, you guys really can't handle a joke
@NeoNeoNeonPrune Hi .. I saw that your previous post was deleted. It might seem like a joke to you, but then that may well be because it's never been a problem for you. Making jokes about things that are genuinely a problem for other people isn't really that funny. The issue is not that the people on here can't take a joke, the issue is that they want to make this a supportive and safe place for people genuinely in need. Mocking those people doesn't help that cause at all, so that's why your post was deleted I think
@NeoNeoNeonPrune - why inject jokes into a serious converation?
This is borderline trolish behavior and really not constructive.
This isn't facebook or twitter or 4chan. There are literally thousands of places where you can tease people, pick on them, try to get a rise out of them, insult them and then say you were just joking and so on.
7 Cups is a haven on the internet. It is built on compassion. It has a therapeutic mission. If you're on board with that, more power to you! If not, why are you here?
And now that I'm in this thread anyways, I don't if I'm right in saying this, but; What right do you think you have telling people what they should and shouldn't do when it comes to sex in private?
@NeoNeoNeonPrune I don't think they are saying that. They are talking about the rules for sex related issues between members/guests and listeners. I think if you read Glenn's post a second time, you'll see that. Sexual matters are extremely personal and can profoundly affect us. I think that's why @GlennM is so keen to make sure we all deal with them adequately.
@Ed78
I think what I'm not sure the relationships that listeners build up with members belong to the listeners or to 7C. 7C created this site and provides listeners the opportunity to do what they do, but without listeners the site woulnd't exist and listeners are the people who establish relationships with members.
If we think the relationships belong to 7C then I guess they have the right to say where the relationship should go. If we think the relationships belong to the listener (and the member) then I don't see what 7C has to say about it except friendly advise. Because you can't really police others how to handle their own relationships, morally or realistically.
Though I actually was under the impression that 7C's policy doesn't allow any relationships whatsoever and that every relationship listeners establish is against the rules. Maybe just a service/client relationship but I wouldn't really call that a relationship.
I also don't think sex is that bad. Personally I think I'm bothered a lot more by platonic advances than sexual advances. Romantic advances is something else, though, I hate that unless I'm interested myself. Anyways, most people don't have a problem with sex, like most people don't have a problem with platonic relationships, just a few, no need I think to ban everything. If you allow relationship in general that is, I guess.
@NeoNeoNeonPrune Hi , yes , you make good points. I think fundamentally that the difference is that many of the people involved in these "relationships" are here because they are struggling, or have an issue. So analogies with normal online relationships are not so accurate. Listeners who have issues of their own (who doesn't? ) can get triggered. Members/guests can feel that suddenly they have found someone that listens to them and cares, and they can immediately feel that there is the basis for a relationship. As GlennM mentioned, it's common in this kind of interaction. Both listeners, and members/guests, need to remember that this "relationship" is not happening in normal circumstances, it's a special structure that enables kindness immediately, whereas in other relationships, that usually takes time and with less chance of the other person caring from the first minute.
@NeoNeoNeonPrune, you wrote:
Though I actually was under the impression that 7C's policy doesn't allow any relationships whatsoever and that every relationship listeners establish is against the rules. Maybe just a service/client relationship but I wouldn't really call that a relationship.
That's exactly right. So where is the contradiction?
@NeoNeoNeonPrune, you also wrote:
I also don't think sex is that bad.
This implies that someone on this thread, or that @GlenM's original post either states or suggest that sex is bad. I don't really see where you got that impression. It appears to me that Glen's post was "sex positive" as another comment noted.
I may be missing something. Can you tell me where you got that impression?
@NeoNeoNeonPrune
@GlenM, the founder and createor of 7 Cups has every right to set the ground rules here.
You can find sex chat or practice whatever sexual behaviors almost anywhere. You may not do those things here and remain a member of the community in good standing.
Is this really so very hard to understand?
I'm trying to figure out if you just like to question authority for the fun of it, or if you really believe that 7 Cups should allow and support sexting.
@KrinkTheMellowUnicorn
There is no contradiction then, I was just checking, thanks for clearing it up. If friendships would be allowed then there would be a contradiction because that too can put the listener/member relationship in jeopardy.
And it was a harmless joke, jokes are good. Sexting can be harmless often too. I know that as a company you have to speak against it because otherwise you are liable to when it goes wrong and in general you want to always maintain a helper/client relationship and nothing more than that. That doesn't mean it can never be beneficial to establish a friendship, do some sexting or make a joke in a serious thread.
7 Cups is meant to be a place of unconditional compassion. People come here to express and unravel the complex issues in their lives. In order to communicate they need to reveal intimate details of their lives. In revealing details they become vulnerable. Sexual relationships by their nature involve issues of dominance, trust, submission and cooperation.
For someone to come to seven cups seeking help in a relationship and then find themselves being caught up in a new complex sexual game is a betrayal of the trust which 7 Cups implies. Any person coming to 7 Cups needs to know this is a safe place.
7 Cups exists within a bubble of anonymity. Misuse of 7 Cups as a dating site breaks the bubble. Break the bubble and the unconditional compassion is gone.
@navyNorth5984 - well said!
@navyNorth5984 Loving you for this post right now (platonically, of course!). So astutely stated. Thanks!
This is really an important reminder, and I'm glad that it's been brought up --"formally" by putting it in a thread like this.
A line really does need to be drawn. While what may be right or wrong can be hazy or confusing at times... it's only natural because..if there's anything I learned about morality in the past decade of my "young" life... it's that morality isn't as simple as "black and white."
It still varies from case to case basis. Oddly enough, I was surprised that according to some info I watched on discovery channel, morality itself has roots from what some people may take as an absurdity... "Evolution." ---Saving one person or saving 4 from a train that only has either way to go. And what if that 1 person on the other railway was a relative?
I think that the line is there, not as this tiny pair of shoes that women were made to wear by some emperor in China from long ago...but rather as a guide. It doesn't mean to be completely rigid; we still need ot be open-minded. How else can we see people who are in need of support, and how else can we support them if we are too rigid and stiff to consider it.
I have seen one too-many people pass through here, where some of them just don't know how to communicate their situation, or what they are going through, and were immediately mistaken for attention-seekers with fabricated stories. Other times, their details or as some would dub as "too much information" triggers others present. Like mentioned in the thread.
There are even guests/members who only mentioned the general idea of their ordeal, and immediately, stigma gets attached. Whether those preying on them are victims of their own circumstances or not... still gives them no right to push these people further...
The same for goes for...the tricker situations... where it seems akin to going to a professional physiologist for an examination and something just tells you (and maybe even a friend of yours) that something about it screams of harassment... even though on the surface it may seem ok. You can still slip on the rocks on shallow waters... I know I did.
Needless to say, nobody's perfect, we can only give our best, but we can't expect for it to be perfect. We'll just have to take extra care tackling these things...
I think there's already too many rooms to handle... So sexual topics that are genuinely for getting support without breaking the rules... start to get out of hand; maybe triggering people in a group...
...maybe, and hopefully some Listeners will take the initiative of talking to them via 1-1, or maybe helping them find someone through he referrals. I think the harder part would be trying to explain to a panicked and emotional person why they need to get a 1-1, why someone could be upset or some could even start losing their composure and be mean... Understandably... they'd feel offended in the feeling that they are being limited or stopped from sharing and getting help...
Thanks for bring the issue out in the open Glen for information and discussion....
I have had males comes frequently coming with sex realted problems especially masturbation
.When asked if I am ok taking up such issues I reply yes but I will not tolerate titilating chat and graphic details.
But most of the time I found this is exactly what the motive is...... so after a warning that this won't be tolerated I go off the chat but they love to keep coming back almost enjoying doing it that is when i block them...... !!!
@RideaRainbow - you absolutely should block anyone who betrays your trust in this way.
@RideaRainbow
I understand your frustration it has been happening to me as well
i believe give them a chance it is always the best thing we can do, when we do realize they only want to do is sex chatting we can at least feel at peace. We have done everything to try to help them, if it is not our help they want but it is more....too bad for them the conversation end!
Keep up your beautiful job in helping others, even in these cases we did our best
@RideaRainbow
@RideaRainbow it is not okay for them to do and you should repeat this problem to management