Sexual Feelings and Sexx Chat

@123julia456

why do you think it is your fault?

@123julia456 ... I've gone through this myself. And you have to realize that he was going through something himself and unfortunately you were the victim to his obsession. It had ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with you at all.

@123julia456

this has happened to me as well. Almost exactly, actually except I was very young at the time. The best thing I can tell you is that you didn't commit the act or do anything to make him think that way. So, don't blame you. Blame him. Write a letter to him, even if you never give it to him. Get the feelings out of your head and trap it on a page or in a blog or somewhere. But don't keep it in your head. And don't let him get away with it

@123julia456 it is NOT your fault. It's his.

I know it's easy for someone to say & difficult to believe. But, you didn't invite or ask him to assault you. So, remember that you're a survivor, not a victim.

Find a good counselor.

Wishing you you happiness & peaceful thoughts.

@lettersandnumbersonly1 This sounds harsh, but you have to think of yourself first. If you're not happy...leave. Especially since by staying, you're keeping him trapped, and away from his own happiness. But if you feel like he's worth it...stay. At the end of the day, only you can decide your feelings

@lettersandnumbersonly1 Hi there. It's very common to have these feelings. Some people have them and suppress them, or keep them secret. Other people act on them. But I think in terms of your relationship with your partner, it sounds like it is becoming an issue for you. So in this case, I would suggest you think about whether or not you are going to keep it hidden, or whether you would like to talk to him about it. It's not necessarily incompatible with a long term relationship with him, but it could be tough if you live the double life. Thankfully there is a way to introduce the subject without it being an "all or nothing" case. You can comment on the fact that a girl looks hot, and see his reaction. You can show that watching a film say with some sexy actress gets you going. Or any other thing like this, and see his reaction. If he gets really cold about it, then you can stop mentioning it, and then review what you can do. If he really likes the idea, then you can open up a bit more about it. Some guys don't really mind if their girlfriends get busy with other girls. They don't see them as competition, or as being incompatible with their long term relationship with their gf. But other guys do. So in the end, it's down to the two of you and what works. But please don't feel like you need to deny the feelings. They are real, even though you don't have to act on them.

@lettersandnumbersonly1 Hi there! I think what @Ed78 said is really good, and I'd like to just reinforce and add on a bit. I think it's really important to be open about your feelings, but you really have to ease him into it. If he's really against homosexuality and/or lesbians, you have to consider whether you can accept the fact that he doesn't accept a part of you, because liking girls is a part of you, and that's not necessarily a bad thing, but it might become more important to you. You might also become not sexually attracted to him, and that would cause a lot of problems that might be easier to solve before marriage. But if he's really important, then you really should stick to him.

However, there's also lots of people out there with open relationships, so he might be open to that. You can try to work out an arrangement that works best for you. Also, there are lots of forums on 7cups that can help you work through this. I've heard of women realizing their sexuality only after marriage, so it's really important that you try to communicate with him before that. The sexuality forums have posts relating to this, so if you're concerned that this might be too sex-related, don't be, and if you want to find more like-minded people, I think you should try them.

Good luck! :)

@lettersandnumbersonly1 could you be bisexual? I mean are you interested in you bf, or guys? But also find women attractive?

@lettersandnumbersonly1

I am currently in a relationship with my boyfriend of almost a year. Now i know you have been together for three years with your boyfriend, the way you are feeling is completely normal. I am bisexual and have been all my life. I sometimes crave the touch and everything of a woman myself, but i didnt keep it to myself. I talked with my boyfriend about how i feel and why and i explained to him that it has nothing to do with him i just want a females touch thats all. He understood and we talk about it whenever the topc comes up. What i am trying to say is just sit down and talk with your boyfriend and just simply be open and honest with him. I know its scary because you dont know what kind of reaction he will have, but just take a deep breath in and let it out slowly and just tell him how you feel. Tell him that just because you want to feel a woman doesnt mean that you dont want, love, or care for him.

@Anali NO! Sex is great. The way I see it, what you want to do sexually is nobody's business but yours. If you don't want to have sex, don't. If you want to have tons of orgasms, GO FOR IT. But never feel ashamed because sex is natural. (Just remember to always be safe)

@Anali

if it was with consent with someone a similar age than you (you didn't say how old you are) you shouldn't feel ashamed.

However if it was something else, you should talk to someone about it (and still not feel ashamed!)

@emotionjet1taylor This is a situation where there's no substitute for real medical advice. Your best bet is to go to a local clinic and ask the nurse.

@tealCoconut0206

Some thoughts and then this may be a good topic to discuss with a listener:

- It is totally normal to feel nervous before a potential sexual encounter, especially if you are inexperienced, but even if you are experienced, because there is always an aspect of risk and vulnerability and surprise, etc.

- Everyone is "bad at" sex when they start and most people get over it because they're just happy to be getting to try it at all. You can't really do something wrong but unless you're able to communicate with each other about what you each want it's easy to do things you end up not enjoying.

- It may be that when they "lose interest" that they are not the right person for you, not patient enough or kind enough or sensitive enough to realize you are nervous and to help you feel more comfortable.

- Lots of people feel less inhibited when drunk and use that as a way of trying to ease themselves through a scary rite of passage or transition into experience, but you should know that drinking does not just lower your inhibitions but it also impairs your judgment somewhat and it can contribute to you taking risks you may regret later and compromising your safety in various ways.

- Being anxious about things you don't know how to do or have never done is totally normal. Foreplay can mean anything from kissing to touching to not rushing into sexual intercourse.There is no right or wrong way to do it. The word play is in there because it's something you and your partner figure out by trial and error, by playing together.

- You are totally normal. When you are with someone who is right for you, they will read the signs and help you relax, and if you don't judge yourself and treat it like something fun, something playful, a joyful activity with someone you like and are attracted to who likes you back and treats you well, you will know what to do, and if you "do it wrong" you will both laugh and try it some more till you get it "right."

@LittleMega Hi there. Thanks for your post, and for mentioning the issue that you are having with your husband. As you've rightly pointed out, it's great that he talked to you about it, since it shows that he has that confidence and trust. It's also clear I think that he is feeling terribly self conscious about it.

I think it's really important to separate out the parts of our behaviour that we easily control, and the parts that we don't. The motivation that he is experiencing is extremely strong, so much so that he cannot resist it. It's not really "him" as such that's doing it, and thinking that there's no problem.... it's an urge he has, a strong feeling, that he cannot resist. That's quite different from "him" as a person, that sees it as a problem and a humiliation.

Perhaps the fairest thing to do for him, for you, and for your new marriage is to look at it as an issue that needs to be addressed, like an addiction of any kind. It may be that he needs professional help, or it may be that in the right environment, you two can talk it through and find out what the root cause is. There is often, I believe, some kind of personal issue going on that is in some way relieved by these sorts of things. For some people, it's just their thing, and that's that. But for others, they see it as a problem and it needs to be addressed. This seems to be the case for the two of you... something to talk about and find some kind of way through.

Finally, with your "I'm at a loss" sign off..... when we come across situations that are new, and radically different from other situations we have had, we are often unsure about how to react, and behave. Especially when the stakes are high. I'd encourage you to seek the experience of other people about this. There are plenty of mature, stable, ordinary people that get aroused by what other people find to be quite strange things. A bit of research into what the underlying motivations may be could possibly help.

I hope that's useful for you ... you can contact me on 7cups.com/@ed78 if you want to chat about it at any time.

@Ranmusic I hope this isn't pointed towards me Ran! I thought we had a good convo the other day :-)

Hi @Ranmusic

I'm sorry to hear you've had those experiences in the past. If you'd like, take a peek at my profile and feel free to leave me a message if you think you'd like to have a chat sometime. :)

@Ranmusic that's astounding that you feel you have to post that – I can't say whether that's true or not as I'm pretty new here but personally I don't even think about that, maybe because I was raised in a liberal state, or maybe I just listen to my own common sense and ethics of live, let live, and harm no one. I am also not religious.

I feel sympathy for you that this still has to be an issue in 2016 anywhere. 🙄.

Also, nice to meet you! (I am newly arrived and have new friends.😳)

@Ranmusic

People are lame man. As long as you love and accept yourself, then you will find that other people's opinions will not define you. And as far as the people who have blocked you.... Just consider them as doing you a favor, and leaving your lifepath....

Ps.... your intent behind the action is the energy affiliated with the reaction that serves it.... I look at it as a natural way to filter out the energy in life that no longer serves you:) and If they do not accept you then it's their loss anyways...:)

Much love

Dish

@Ranmusic Hi. That's an interesting post. I think sometimes people use their profile as a kind of marketing message as to how they would like to be, or how they would like to be seen. Like a wish list of "these are all the things I'd like to be". But at the end of the day, our usefulness as a listener is really defined by how our guests/members feel after having chatted to us. So really, it's the reviews that say a lot more about a listener, rather than what the listener says about themselves. I know that that doesn't really help when you are trying to find someone to talk to, because the reviews don't come up on the profile. But if you have the time to go through someone's profile in more depth, hopefully it would help to find someone who really is what you are hoping for :)

@Ranmusic I am a part of the LGBTQ community and specialize in working with other members. If you need anyone, feel free to message me. :) I don't get uncomfortable about things easily and I don't block people without a good reason.