Distortion 2. Mind Reading
Hi everyone! I hope you are doing well. In our learning about cognitive distortions series, today we will tackle ‘Mind reading’. If you have not taken part in the catastrophizing post, please do so here
Mind reading like the name suggests is when we assume we know what someone else is thinking and are convinced that it is the case and there is no real verification/fact checking of it. It is important to acknowledge that this is not all bad, at some level mind reading can help us read a situation like when your friend smiles, you know they liked your joke. Similarly, if someone’s jaw drops we can tell they are surprised. But these ‘assumptions’ are based on something more concrete like a physical action and are not negative. It becomes a problem when we have nothing to base our assumptions on and they are negative in nature.
Examples of Mind reading:
- I failed this test, my teacher must think I am so stupid
- I was late to my friend’s birthday. He must think I don’t care for him enough to show up on time
- I was supposed to get the callback yesterday from my job application, but the interviewer must have failed me.
- My partner has been quieter than usual, he must have gotten fed up with me.
To help us reframe this distortion, we will use the same techniques as the last post! These techniques can help you reframe all sorts of distortions and repeatedly practicing with them can help us get in the habit of using these models.
📢Points of Action:
- Find out your personal hit rate (how accurate your negative assumptions are), don’t just assume, look into your past and get an accurate percentage. (You can skip this if you recall this from our last post)
- Counter your mind-reading thoughts with counter-positive thoughts based on logic/facts/experience.
⭐After practicing this with at least one thought. Tell us about your experience with this exercise.
⭐ When was the last time you engaged in mind reading and what actually ended up happening?
Examples
- I thought my friend was mad at me but it turns out he was just having a rough day
- I thought my teacher hated me but I misread her firm approach as personal dislike. It turns out her firm approach helped me get a better grade.
Further Reading/Recommended Resources
How to stop worrying and start living chapter 4
@ Hope
Negative thought: my colleagues have invited me to be on their team for the tug-of-war challenge between departments. They must think I am fat and my weight will be a good anchor for the team. positive: they must have invited me because they think I am a good team player, will actually show up to training and the competition, and I have a good competitive spirit.
How the expwrience made me feel:it made me feel that my mind-reading reflects my own negative patterns of thinking, not other people's. There might be a million things people think that are more probable than what I attribute to them.
When was the last time you engaged in mind reading and what actually ended up happenning:
We have a tradition at work of organising birthday lunches for people. My close friend and colleague's birthday lunch was coming but I could not attend because I was not feeling too well. He told me not to worry about it and that It didn't matter. My thought was that he didn't care if I was there and thought that I didn't want to come, which didn't bother him. Later I brought it up, and he was shocked I thought that, he said that those lunches are are just a nod to the office politics and he wouldn't himself go if it hadn't been his birthday, those lunches are dull. He cared about me showing up at his actual party at the weekend, which I did.
@Healtogether702
Thank you for sharing such a thoughtful reflection. It's really insightful that you recognized how your mind-reading often stems from your own negative thought patterns, not from what others are actually thinking. The positive reframe you used for the tug-of-war challenge shows a great shift toward more balanced thinking
Your story about the birthday lunch is another powerful reminder of how our assumptions can be completely off. It's great that you were able to have that conversation with your friend and get the clarity you needed.
Negative thought: my best friend only ever messages if I message first since I moved away. Maybe she doesn't care
Counter thought: I know she was struggling with studies and maybe she's just too busy to message anyone
@unassumingEyes
Great job challenging that assumption! It's so helpful to consider other reasons for someone's behavior. Keep practicing!
@Hope
Stressful thought: My significant other does not want to spend time with me anymore. They must not want to be with me anymore.
Counter thought: This time of year, is difficult for some people and can make it hard to balance everything going on. Especially when both of us are busy individually with a lot of responsibilities. Once everything passes, we will have time to spend together. If they did not care about me, they would not take the time to text me despite everything happening.
@Hope
Stressful thought: Thought I'd get fired from my job for arriving a few minutes late, during a snow storm.
@Hope
My mum left me out of an email she sent to all my siblings. She's angry with me.
When actually it was an oversight related to my mum's struggles with technology.
Other people make mistakes too. Not every action is intentional.
@Hope i thought that my friend hated me so much because we were fighting all day and whenever I say something he immediately disagree but I found out he was having bad day and felt depressed for a long time
the last time I engaged in mind reading was when I tried to understand what’s going on with my mom whether she’s in troubles or something because she’s a discreet person and I was right I found she had troubles with her work and she needed someone to talk to !
@Hope
Points of Action:
Find out your personal hit rate (how accurate your negative assumptions are), don’t just assume, look into your past and get an accurate percentage. (You can skip this if you recall this from our last post)
-5%
Counter your mind-reading thoughts with counter-positive thoughts based on logic/facts/experience.
I thought my partner was cranky with me, because she was silent and not interacting with me. I thought I had done something wrong. But she is probably just concerned with something else and I should ask her if she's okay, turns out she really just wanted to talk about it was that was bothering her, but didn't know how to bring it up, and it had nothing to do with me.
⭐After practicing this with at least one thought. Tell us about your experience with this exercise.
It has really helped me see how often I do this mind reading thing. It's brought my attention to it and I'm so glad for it.
⭐ When was the last time you engaged in mind reading and what actually ended up happening?
The last time was when I thought my sister in law hated me, she was not talking to me, and when she did, she was short and snappy, she said some nasty things to me. I went into my shell for a fortnight or so, when I finally approached her about it. She had zero problems with me, she was just stressed out and handled herself poorly, but I thought it was something personal. We ended up chatting and she told me how much she loves and support my relationship with her sister.
@Hope
Points of Action:
Find out your personal hit rate (how accurate your negative assumptions are), don’t just assume, look into your past and get an accurate percentage. (You can skip this if you recall this from our last post)
-5%
Counter your mind-reading thoughts with counter-positive thoughts based on logic/facts/experience.
I thought my partner was cranky with me, because she was silent and not interacting with me. I thought I had done something wrong. But she is probably just concerned with something else and I should ask her if she's okay, turns out she really just wanted to talk about it was that was bothering her, but didn't know how to bring it up, and it had nothing to do with me.
⭐After practicing this with at least one thought. Tell us about your experience with this exercise.
It has really helped me see how often I do this mind reading thing. It's brought my attention to it and I'm so glad for it.
⭐ When was the last time you engaged in mind reading and what actually ended up happening?
The last time was when I thought my sister in law hated me, she was not talking to me, and when she did, she was short and snappy, she said some nasty things to me. I went into my shell for a fortnight or so, when I finally approached her about it. She had zero problems with me, she was just stressed out and handled herself poorly, but I thought it was something personal. We ended up chatting and she told me how much she loves and support my relationship with her sister.
Maybe a 5% although I really don’t like to assume the worst or jump to the worst conclusion…
I was on holiday on a hotel opening and we were receiving extra attention… I was thinking that “they were thinking” that we were not as cool or that their attention was on a negative context when it was not: they were concern about our well being mostly
