Boundaries give Freedom
We need to set boundaries to feel good in life. Boundaries give us comfort, freedom and lower stress levels to mention just a few things. However, when we do not stand by and defend our boundaries, we give people and our inner critic the idea that it is okay to violate them. The key to setting boundaries where we need them is to stick to them and to tolerate stormy emotions from those whom we told “No”.
Participation questions:
Do you maintain healthy boundaries?
How do you deal with strong emotions from others in respect of your boundaries like anger or disappointment?
Helpful Exercise:
Setting healthy boundaries with yourself
Schedule a time for self-care every day in the week. When it’s time for self-care but you think you still need to do something else that is not self care, be strong enough to say “No” to yourself and prioritise your self-care. This is setting boundaries to ourselves and teaches us to plan ahead so we do not get distracted by other things during self-care time.
Positive self-talk suggestion for negative responses to your boundaries
It’s ok for me to ask for what I need. I’ve got this. I will stand my ground. What I need matters. I matter. These are examples of ways we can talk to ourselves and fortify our resolve to maintain boundaries without a sense of guilt.
Video suggestion:
Your 3-Step Guide to Setting Better Boundaries at Work | The Way We Work, a TED series
Seeking Help
People with low self-esteem can have a difficult time setting boundaries with others. If you have serious, long-term problems with a negative self-image and-or feel depressed, please see your doctor or talk to a therapist if you feel they are related to any mental challenges that disrupt your life.
Are you looking for a therapist? 7 Cup has online, certified therapists with a paid option. For more information click on this link https://www.7cups.com/online-therapy/?ob=1
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@amiablePeace77
Do you maintain healthy boundaries? I try but sometimes I have to just yield before the other person's angry response. Defending a boundary can become an all out war and defeat the purpose of setting boundaries.
How do you deal with strong emotions from others in respect of your boundaries like anger or disappointment? I usually act very respectful and do not confront them.
@soulsings
I think showing respect and no confrontation are often the best ways to go. Maintaining boundaries can be difficult for sure.
Boundaries are something I find sooo hard! It's easy to feel guilty, and give in to your boundaries, let other people overstep the line. I think affirmations that it's okay and good to have boundaries helps me.
@CalmCoral
Good idea to support yourself with helpful affirmations to avoid falling into the guilt trap!
@CalmCoral boundaries take time to establish. Some of us have been at it for decades and have some success by trial and error. With me it is mostly error lol !
But I learn as I go.
@amiablePeace77. I didn’t know about boundaries until I came here. I’ve had poor boundaries most of my life and appreciate learning about it here. The first few times I said no it was hard. But I’m starting to get used to it and I like it. I hope I can continue to learn about boundaries.
@adventurousBranch3786
Branch that's great, we all need boundaries and I could imagine that it also increases your self-esteem being able to say "No".
I'm learning to set boundaries and practicing it, though it is a good point that I need to have boundaries within myself to practice self care. What I find tricky is how to handle when people get upset with my boundaries. I don't back down but I do question if it's an appropriate boundary. However I then tend to ask myself if I'm uncomfortable with what theyre asking or doing and if the answer is yes I know it's an appropriate boundary to protect myself.
@Smrtbibliophile another type of boundary I use which can be temporary or permanent boundary: spend less time with someone who is disrespecting me or causing problems in my life.
