Freedom to become who you are - Shame
Shame is a painful feeling that there is something inherently wrong with you. You might have been told in childhood that you are not good enough or learned from subtle nonverbal messages that “you should be different, act differently, dress differently” and so much more! This can make people not want to be around people and show their true self, but instead wear a mask which becomes their prison they hide in.
Participation question
How much do you recognize and embrace all parts of who you feel you really are inside?
Do you think about who you should be rather than accepting the way you are?
Helpful Videos:
Nietzsche - Overcome Shame, Become Who You Are
Helpful Resources:
Identifying the Root Causes of Shame
What It Means to Embrace Your Life and the Path You Chose
Seeking Help
Mental stress can cause us not to be able to see the good things in life and lead to excessive rumination or worries which can result in serious health problems. If you have serious, long-term problems with negative thinking and feeling depressed, see your doctor or talk to a therapist if they are related to any mental challenges.
Are you looking for a therapist? 7 Cups has online, certified therapists with a paid option. For more information on what happens in online therapy at 7 Cups, Read Lisa’s (a therapist and director of therapy) explanation
https://www.7cups.com/forum/therapy/General_2432/WeveLaunchedTalkTherapyon7Cups_319430/
To apply for 7 Cups online therapy, click on this link https://www.7cups.com/online-therapy/?ob=1
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@amiablePeace77
How much do you recognize and embrace all parts of who you feel you really are inside? I'm aware of who I am, although I sometimes allow my emotions and feelings to push myself aside and put other people ahead of me.
Do you think about who you should be rather than accepting the way you are? Well, if we're talking about me as it relates to my anxiety issues - yes, I am always thinking about how I should be. How I should act/react. I don't want to accept the way I currently am in that regard because it is exhausting and unhealthy.
But, outside of that, I feel okay about myself. It has taken me years to get to this point, but I think that's okay. It takes time to learn about ourselves.
@thoughtfulmomma
It's good that you are content with who you are in general, and I hope that with the support of this site your anxiety will lessen.
@amiablePeace77
You might have been told in childhood that you are not good enough or learned from subtle nonverbal messages that “you should be different, act differently, dress differently” and so much more! This can make people not want to be around people and show their true self, but instead wear a mask which becomes their prison they hide in.
Yeah I most definitely had a very bad childhood as well as teen and adult times. I’m glad the childhood is over and I’m at the point where I can stand up for myself and others when I feel the need for it. But looking back my childhood was so bad and difficult and I hated those times so much sometimes I just wish I died so I wouldn’t have to live with any of that anymore. However a bigger part of me is so proud of myself for continuing on with my life despite all I endured instead of giving up and not having any hope which describes many people whenever they’re in difficult situations.
How much do you recognize and embrace all parts of who you feel you really are inside?
I honestly believe I’m at the point where I fully recognize 100% of myself and I absolutely love, appreciate, admire, respect, and embrace myself 100%, no regrets.
Do you think about who you should be rather than accepting the way you are?
Not anymore. Those days are long gone thank goodness. Now I fully accept myself as I am. I no longer let the thoughts of others about me dictate anything about me. Anyone who doesn’t accept me, too bad for them bc it’s their loss. That has no effect at all on me anymore.
@akunknown
It's so nice to hear that you have finally learned to love and accept who you are in spite of your difficult childhood and no matter what others think about you! You finally met the beautiful person you are!
@amiablePeace77
Thank you :) It’s so good to know that someone notices that. Too bad my toxic so called family doesn’t but like I said earlier, anyone who doesn’t accept me, it’s their loss. Not mine so I don’t care what they or anyone else thinks about me.
To anyone who wants to damage themselves and their lives by thinking negatively about me, go ahead it’s not gonna affect me so if you wanna waste your life doing that that’s your choice. You’ll have to live with the results no matter how bad they’ll probably be.
@amiablePeace77
How much do you recognize and embrace all parts of who you feel you really are inside?i ignore myself
Do you think about who you should be rather than accepting the way you are? yes
@alysianna
Things can happen in our lives that make us abandon ourselves and not value who we are. I hope you find the support you need to work towards becoming the person you want. When we take the time to explore all parts of us, all our sides we find out that there is so much more than only the person we dislike but also the person we want to be.
@amiablePeace77 I actually carry a lot of shame and guilt, two things I wish I could handle better, or maybe get rid of it altogether😥 but I don't think that's possible. And I know and accept I'm not normal, I'm a freak.It's not nice, but it's true
@Tinywhisper11
How could you describe yourself without using any judgment? I find the word freak has a negative touch and does not fit to a person like you who is smart, kind and always supportive!
@amiablePeace77 I don't know
@Tinywhisper11 Hi friend. I’m sorry you feel so different in the ways you do. I understand these feelings. I wanted to say that I think the things that cause you shame might be part of what shaped you to want to be so sweet to other people. I appreciate you and whatever you see as good or bad about you.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas ❤❤🙂thankyou ❤❤
How much do you recognize and embrace all parts of who you feel you really are inside? I don't know what is me and what not. This will probably never change.
Do you think about who you should be rather than accepting the way you are? Yes, Consistently.
@Gettingbettertoday
I hope one day you will be able to connect with all parts of yourself.
I get to a place where I feel pretty comfortable and good about who I am, when I’m alone. When I’ve been alone for a while, I get a clearer sense of my traits, values, etc at a fundamental level.
I do end up thinking about who I should be when I’m around other people. I become more aware of how different I am than a lot of people and how I fail “normal” expectations. It’s harder to accept myself when I feel like I can’t fit into society. I have read and tried various things but am really not sure what to do to make this better.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas
I'm not sure of your age, but I know that as I have gotten older (now in my 50s), I care less and less about fitting in and I embrace that I am not like everyone else. I don't care what people think of me. I have some friends, and I have my family and they seem to like me okay (lol), so I'm good with that.
You will never be accepted by everyone. You will never be liked by everyone. So, don't try. Accept yourself and like yourself and everything else will slowly fall into place.
@thoughtfulmomma I understand what you’re saying, thank you for responding. ❤️ We are similar age. I am estranged from my family and don’t have close friends. I am married but struggle in that relationship without a support system. I do think like you that I don’t care if I fit in with greater society, but wish I had 1 or 2 safe people to turn to. That’s what I meant in my original response, that I don’t fit in with even the small amount of people I associate with. That’s all I’d need. That’s all I really want, I probably couldn’t handle a large social circle. 😅 I get sort of lonely sometimes.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas
I understand. Sometimes you just need to have one person you can turn to who will say "I understand" and you know they mean it and aren't just blowing smoke. And I know people say that your spouse can be that support piece - but not always. Sometimes you need someone that's "outside" so that you're heard.
I have one friend who has been through a lot, so when I'm down, she understands. Plus, I go to therapy - that has had such a profound affect on my self-worth. And bonus, I have some found some amazing people here to chat with when things aren't going well.
It's all about building that support system that you can turn to when you need it. But being here is a really good place to start! 😊
@thoughtfulmomma Thank you. ❤️
@amiablePeace77
How much do you recognize and embrace all parts of who you feel you really are inside? I have explored many parts over the years. That helps in accepting them.
Do you think about who you should be rather than accepting the way you are?
I have in the past but I am getting to the age where I am not thinking of meeting others' expectations and more about living the life that matches us with my beliefs.
@soulsings
I believe you reached a point in age where you acquired true wisdom of what really counts in life namely living the life that matches with your beliefs!
@amiablePeace77 that’s very true, it took me along time to get over a couple of childhood events that would cause a sense of shame in me
@Sun2024
What happened in childhood can sit deep. Good to hear you could resolve them!