why can't I feel emotions?
DEALING WITH EMOTIONS YOU CAN’T DEFINE
What is alexithymia? Alexithymia is when an individual has difficulty identifying, describing, and expressing emotions. This term was coined by Peter Sifneos in 1972, and it comes from the roots of Greek words that literally mean, “lack of words for emotion.”
I could never figure out how I was feeling when I tried to explain to my Therapist. I knew I felt some type of emotion, but I could not seem to identify the emotions or feelings that were not sad or angry. I had no clue that I was lacking the ability to describe what was going on inside. When asked “How are you, all I knew was to say “Fine”, even when I was not.
I did not know that there was a name for this condition and it defined my problem to a tee. What is this condition:
Alexithymia? People who have been diagnosed with PTSD are more likely to suffer from this condition. Why? Because if early childhood abuse or trauma occurred, you learned to numb your feelings out to keep safe.
Then as we become adults and have never been able to deal with the trauma, our emotions lay dormant. We fail to learn to feel and recognize what we felt, and do not learn to express it.
RECOGNIZING THE WAYS IT SHOWS UP IN US:
Unable to define how we feel
Sometimes we can not interpret other people's facial expressions.
Unable to do introspective evaluation of oneself, meaning being able to examine why we are feeling a certain way or better yet a form of Mindfulness.
I never could explain why mindfulness was so hard for me. It may have also been from lack of Empathy, or an inability to understand the concept or vice versa. For example, having no empathy for myself but having empathy for others.
Can you relate to this problem? Do you know how to truly express your emotions and feelings? If you suffer from this condition and are stumped about how to deal with it, you may find it beneficial to get professional help.
@ScarletPear1945
@scarletPear1945 this article is so true. When I was growing up, expressing emotions was just not condoned. So I learned to compartmentalize my emotions and only show those my parents approved of.
Thanks for reminding me how tough it is not to be able to share emotions. It is getting easier now, but I ask myself, did it really have to take a lifetime to get here. I guess under the circumstances, it did.
@soulsings
Soul, you are so right that as children some of us were restricted from showing emotions and as we got older it was a process that had to be reintroduced and the skill or art had to bind back to that part of us that had become lost. The earlier one can get help the sooner they can begin the journey.
Thanks for sharing❤️
Wow this is so interesting and eye opening, thanks a lot for this 🤍🙏🏼 This definitely gave me insight and a better understanding of how some people process emotions ☹️
@amoOnii
Thank you for taking the time to read this post. It is my hope that many of us have been unaware of being emotionally shut down and feelings can be extremely hard to understand and express.❤️
@scarletPear1945
That’s so true and thank you for taking the time to make this post 🤍
@scarletPear1945
I was not aware of such a condition. I always thought that people who find it difficult to express themselves are less expressive than those who could make people how they feel. This surely was a fun and informative read. Thank you so much. 💜
Can you relate to this problem?
I have never had to face a hurdle in expressing myself but yes I know a lot of people who find it difficult. Surprisingly, even they weren't aware of being suffering from it as all they would say was that they cannot find words to express themselves or have a poor vocabulary, etc.
Do you know how to truly express your emotions and feelings?
Yes, thankfully, I can express my feelings better. How about you?
@lyricalAngel70
Thank you for reading this post and taking the time to answer. I admire people that have the ability to speak up and express their feelings. That is a great gift.❤️
@scarletPear1945
Thank you for this informative and helpful post scarletPear. When I was young I was always told to not be too sensitive so I tried to keep things inside. Then during a period in my life came (as an adult) when I was told to keep emotions inside because it is not appropriate to express them, it's something one has to deal with on their own. So again, I kept them inside to fit my surroundings. Nothing is worse than feeling the pain but ignoring it because it's there. 7 cups has greatly helped me and I hope everyone else gets the help they need to express emotions too.
@amiablePeace77
That was such a touching reply, that I 100 percent agree with what it does to the person that is feeling the pain and yet can not tell anyone I hurt makes it hurt more.
I think you have learned so well and have been able to help so many of us to think through so many challenges in our lives. I hope to obtain the magnitude of your wisdom❤️.
@scarletPear1945
Thank you for your kind answer scarletPear ❤️
@scarletPear1945 This is a really good article. I guess like many here - I just wasn't allowed to feel anything and to express it to my parents or anyone? No never. Alot of times I feel many things at once and I never know which is right or if I'm allowed to feel what I feel. So alot of times I just keep things to myself. Sometimes I use music to express what I'm feeling or even memes because some people seem better at expressing what I'm feeling then I am. It's really hard to unlearn the things we were taught as kids
@mytwistedsoul
You are so right because the learning curve for children to learn the basic skills of life is very early. When those needs have not been met and the child learns they have to suppress their feelings in order to keep the caregivers happy it becomes a learned skill. Over a period of birth to time, we are able to take care of ourselves we have been in that suppressed state and have no knowledge that we have missed out on some very important skills that we will need later in life.
Kind of live the word love...If you have never had true love you do not know how to connect the dots to be a person who knows or feels love because they have been suppressed. Stating love is not feeling the love.
Thank you for reading this post and taking the time to reply. I value your input from such a wise one.❤️
How familiar this is for me. I always would ge embarrassed when asked how I felt. I didn’t know if it was because of the constant change in my own emotions or feeling other’s emotions that made it so difficult to identify how I feel at any given Moment
@kindTurtle3738
Thank you for your reply, I found this to be a major problem in my own life and a battle I still fight. Never knowing why I could not define how I felt.
I am glad that this has helped you understand and know you are not alone with this problem. One which seems to get overlooked very often.
Thank you so much for replying to this post. Now hopefully we can embark on the journey to fix what got broken for the betterment of our journey❤️
There is a saying "You can't fix what you don't know is broken"
Peace, Love and Light❤️
I was thinking about empathy because I have strong feelings of empathy for others and I have always been able to see the slightest change in another persons emotions. I’m not sure if I could closely define what they felt. But I could see them change from happy to upset or truth to lying so obviously and didn’t understand how everyone didn’t see the change. Really great actors it shows up too. I would bother family and friends as I would rewind movie and say “right there !!! You can’t see the change in their eyes?” I thought they didn’t care enough to really look cause it was so noticeable!!! There are so many emotions and I don’t see the point in differentiating between embarrassed and shame (I’m searching for a list cause I can’t think of more than 5/6.) lol. Jealous and envy. Happy joyful exuberant or angry agitated mad …is there a difference? I was diagnosed, I believe was part of borderline personality , with having 4 separate identities. I’m really curious if that’s common. It explained why I couldn’t connect with my emotions. They were together in one identity. Another was my past self. Another I stored my child self and another was my anger. I was told that they would never be integrated. It think it’s better this way cause I don’t want to have feelings when all the noise is going around in my head. These are not the same as separate personalities… identities are a lot less complex. I would love to hear if anyone has knowledge regarding this.
@kindTurtle3738
I am sorry I have no information on this but maybe we can research it?❤️
When people say “you can’t fix what you don’t know is broken “ I would have to answer “ I know I’m broken but that has nothing to do with an ability to fix it”!!!! Many of us are very self aware, insightful…. And sadly it misleads others to think that our understanding of ourselves means we can fix ourselves. Trust me. That could not be further from the truth.
I sometimes want to scream “ why the €%%~. Would anyone choose to feel this terrible pain if they didn’t have to!!!” Their assumptions cause more pain and a feeling that we don’t need help. We are slowly dying by choice cause we want attention!! Really why would anyone feel like dying is a gift just so someone would look at them or whatever they consider attention. I don’t want anyone to notice me unless they have the wisdom to help me climb out this bottomless crevice I fell in.
@kindTurtle3738
You are so right in what you are saying and the emotions that you are expressing. I agree one hundred percent. The statement of can't fix what you don't know is broken is in reference to the fact that I did not know I had numbed emotions or almost no emotions. Why because I had never been allowed to feel any without getting beat or locked in a dark closet or basement. Another example for me was not ever experiencing love growing up so I never knew I really did not know how to love, it was not a part of anything I had experienced. Until an adult, I did not know that there was a problem I see the hole in my wall now, so now I know what to begin to work on.
That is the concept of the statement❤️
This is an awesome word. As we stay healthy there is a word to describe being unable to describe the emotions or feelings. The study is one that would be helpful to acknowledge the understanding of this new subject topic. The ability to understand this would be one for the journal.
@newbird1002
Thanks, I agree❤️
Reading this I can see it in myself. I am always “fine” and it’s so hard to explain exactly how I feel because being numb is easier. I do struggle with mindfulness and normally end up leaving early as I just can’t seem to do it or get it. Things are a big struggle right now but my trauma was as an adult and I am lost and stuck and confused.
@raspberrySea424
I have experienced the same things that you have expressed in this post. Good to know that we are not alone and there is a name for it. Which now we can begin to gather tools that can help us to restore what was lost.
Thanks for your reply
@scarletPear1945
This is so so insightful and I am so sure that you showed many individuals "a window to their soul" with how well written this was. Thank you for also sharing your experience as this is so healing for others to read. What do you find helps you other than mindfulness (which is amazing!) to express your emotions?
@LisaMeighanMBPsS
Lisa, thank you for your response. What a great honor❤️
Right now I am in therapy learning what different emotions are and the feelings that are attached to them. For me, it kind of feels like learning a new language at an old age. My lack of skills in identifying has left me numb and detached. I can write them so I journal a lot and practice with everyday issues at home to attach an emotion or feeling to and we use this in therapy. Emotional regulation may best describe the technique she is helping me with and EMDR. Ending the session in a guided meditation to close a 2-hour session weekly.
Thank you for your informative post. It didnt occur to me that it could be a result of the PTSD. Also, interesting that they also have trouble reading the emotions of other. Goes to show how important interpersonal connection is.