Feeling heard
Whether we feel listened to affects how real we feel and whether we feel like we belong. When our need to be heard is satisfied, we calm down, our minds become more open, and we're more likely to get along or find ways to live peacefully with each other.
Do you feel like people are really listening to understand you or just waiting for their chance to talk?
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@amiablePeace77
My boyfriend and closest friends will sit down and let me talk and when I am done then they tell me what I might be doing wrong, ways to implement a goal and stand by me to make sure I can do it. Sometimes I do things and not think about the after affects. Some friends tell me it is not a big deal just do this a certain way.
@pamharley003
It's good to have such friends for comfort and reflection.
@amiablePeace77 Do you feel like people are really listening to understand you or just waiting for their chance to talk?
It depends on the person. I have to sense what their state of mind is before going into things deeply.
@soulsings
Makes sense, soul. Some days people might be in a better state of mind than on other days.
@amiablePeace77
Definitely just waiting for their chance to talk.
To give their opinion.
Justify their actions and reasoning .
🩵
@amiablePeace77
Do you feel like people are really listening to understand you or just waiting for their chance to talk?
I never feel like I’m being listened to by people who claim they’re listening to me bc they care about me and wanna understand what I’m going through so they can help me, the fact that they are barely there even when they know enough of the situation or more to help me out illustrates that they don’t care about me like they say they do and that’s ok I just wish they more open about it
@akunknown
It hurts when people tell you they care, but you strongly feel they don't or at least not to the extent they say.
@amiablePeace77
I have a trick.... I make sure they talk first and I will ask follow-up questions to maximize the feeling that I am interested in what they want to say. Then when I am sure their bag is empty and even shaken out, I can take my turn. At this point, they are happy to catch their breath. Also, I can usually tell what they would want to hear from me by then.
A conversation is not just "substance" but procedural too.
Do you feel like people are really listening to understand you or just waiting for their chance to talk?
@Fradiga
I should add that quite a lot of people easily cut into conversation and sort-of take the topic away. It's often allowed in the US, for instance. You cannot do much with this problem, unless you can make a quiet tease about wanting to change the subject.
For instance: "You need to catch your breath, and this would give me an opportunity to tell you what I think"
@Fradiga or people ask you "What are you doing lately?" Then you start to answer and they start talking again if you are not quick enough in responding.
In my experience they don't want to understand...
@neonWriter8115
Sorry to hear this. It seems that you had quite some negative experiences. Some people say they want to understand, but they don't actually seem to want to. On the other hand, there are others who really do want to understand.
Yeah I really have unfortunately .. I just xant seem to find the ones who really do want to
Do you feel like people are really listening to understand you or just waiting for their chance to talk?
Most of them seem to be waiting for their chance to talk. They make comparisons and it feels like every conversation has turned into a competition. So I stopped talking.
@mytwistedsoul
I can understand that you feel frustrated when conversations turn into competitions! It's just sad that it stops you from talking, but I hope you will continue opening up here.