Identifying triggers
The triggers that create your negative thoughts or actions come from your experiences in the past. Your brain has made a connection between something healthy to something not healthy. It could be something that you see or hear that reminds you of something that you went through that created trauma. Most of the time, it is something that everyone else considers normal, but your brain interprets it differently. For instance, if you were told by your mother that you were pretty, but not very smart, then someone telling you that you are pretty could be a trigger for you. For most people, this would be a good thing, but for you it would bring up negative thoughts and feelings about your relationship with your mother. When your reaction to the trigger is different than what people expect it to be, that is one way to identify that you have just uncovered a trigger.
@KellyBrastMA
Nicely put, thanks for sharing, Kelly!💛
Being aware of and Recognizing our triggers can be helpful in managing them, and healing!
@KellyBrastMA
I completely agree with this. We all have things that can trigger us that wouldn't trigger someone else. I think we should keep this in mind when someone reacts in a way toward something we may find odd or not that big of a deal.
@KellyBrastMA thanks for these tips on identifying triggers. I remember some of the praises my parents gave to me but they also had an expectation that I have to try to meet their expectations. It is the difference between conditional love and unconditional love.
@KellyBrastMA
I liked your thread. I have so many triggers especially around men who has power or looks bigger or stronger then me. I just feel lost and needs to cry.
@KellyBrastMA. Thanks for the explanation. This helps to explain behaviors that I see in myself and others.
@KellyBrastMA
Thank you for this post. Learning to become aware of our triggers can change our lives in so many ways so we can feel happier.
So, if someone is triggered by our words when we didn't intend for them to take it the way they did and we tell them we didn't but they expect you to "validate their feelings and appologize", is it there responsibility to understand that they are taking in a way it wasn't intended or our responsibility to appologize for something they are misinterpreting? Serious question, I was recently in this dilemma.
You aren’t responsible for other people’s triggers, but you can be sensitive to them and try not to push that button. I would suggest trying to find out why that was a trigger for them and try to deal with the underlying issue that created it. It would help them to talk about their experience and help you to understand where they are coming from. But in the end, they have to do the work to get rid of their own triggers. You can’t do it for them.
@KellyBrastMA I feel a bit validated from your comment. I got so confused. This person said they have had narcissist in their life before. They are all about "consent" to where she has the cats give consent before petting, playing or whatever and "validating feelings", had been to a lot of counceling and I had never even heard about "validate feelings" before she told me to do it so was very confused. I had to look it up and I seen a lot of stuff about intent vs impact and that intent doesn't matter becasue a person still feels the way they feel and not validating their feelings is abuse. So, by telling them you didn't mean it the way they took it, is that invalidating their reality and now considered gaslighting? And how do you navigate all this?
@KellyBrastMA I kind of feel like the trigger causing someone to be upset at something you didn't intend for them to take the way they did, to me, feels similar to if someone had a dream that you did something that you didn't and then wakes up mad at you and then expects you to "validate their feelings" and appologize. So, would I be in the wrong for telling them I didn't mean it that way so don't know what I would be appetizing for?
@just1man I can see why you would be confused. She wants you to understand what it’s like from her perspective because of what she went through. You can validate her feelings of what that felt like to her without feeling responsible for her triggers. You can’t predict every trigger she is going to have, but once you know it is there, you can do your best to avoid that trigger. Sometimes it can feel like the dream scenario that you mentioned because you can’t see the connection that her brain made for it to effect her in the way it did. The best way to resolve this with her is through good communication. Ask for clarification when you don’t understand what she means and be sensitive to what she has been through. If you are still having trouble, it might be a good idea to get individual or couples counseling to help resolve the issue.
