Setting Healthy Expectations
Setting realistic and healthy expectations is important for your life and your overall well-being. We also have expectations that we set for ourselves called self-expectations and these are important to have but they should be realistic. Often we find ourselves in a cycle of setting expectations for ourselves that are too high and we may even find that the expectations we set for others vary greatly from the ones we set for ourselves.
Self-expectations can hold us accountable for our actions, and provide guidance and clarity in times when we may be struggling to see where we need to go in life. It can be difficult to set expectations for ourselves but when we do we may find they help us to achieve our goals. Remember to give yourself time, practice self-kindness and allow yourself space to set realistic expectations and it is okay if you do not meet your goals in a set timeframe! Keep trying and day by day you are making progress.
How can you set expectations for yourself?
Determine your expectations early on and try to define them and this can help you set a roadmap for yourself and a journey from A to B on where you are going next. You may want to think about what you want in your life and how you can take the next small step to achieve this.
What happens when I do not meet my expectations?
This is so common that people feel they do not meet their own expectations in life and it often comes up in my therapy sessions with others and a question I am asked often. It is okay to be where you are right now and it is important that you try not to ruminate on not meeting your own expectations but to focus on letting go (this takes time and lots of self-compassion so be gentle with yourself!). Reframing the thoughts you may be having may help you. Often these thoughts can be self-critical and you may find that talking to yourself like you would talk to a friend can help you make sense of not meeting your expectations… yet! Letting go doesn’t mean that you should ignore how you’re feeling but acknowledging your feelings and where they come from can be useful in becoming more self-aware.
How can I practice positive self-talk?
Positive self-talk is so crucial to our success in life if we are constantly doubting ourselves we may find that we are not able to meet our goals as well as we could be. Using a growth mindset can be useful to overcome negative self-talk too and if you look at opportunities as a space to grow from and flourish it can help you to feel more confident about setting realistic expectations. Writing down your goals to help you track progress and writing down positive affirmations in a journal can help you identify useful affirmations that work for you. You may also want to journal how far you have come and write down your accomplishments big or small.
What healthy expectations do you have for yourself?🌻
Photo by Alisa Anton on Unsplash
@LisaMeighanMScGMBPsS
Aww you deliver so quickly haha, it's really superrr good to see you and find yet another insightful post from you, Lisa.💛
Thank you for sharing the importance of setting healthy boundaries and making use of positive self-talk along with self-kindness to continually empower ourselves!
I, particularly, enjoyed how the emphasis is more on setting boundaries with/for yourself, rather than for others or with others.🌻
I've got a long way to go xD but currently (sort of) trying to be more aware (awareness isn't the problem xD I'm veryyy aware I feel hehe~ acknowledging and accepting and finding the "gaps" as well as the drive to "fill the gaps" is on the agenda here after), and accepting of my emotional needs and tolerance.
I am an empath and am very well aware of the depths I'd go for people, in the name of empathy and concern for them, but it's also where massive emotional-burnout and compassion fatigue comes into play for me, and that's something, I intend to work more actively on. "Fencing" around the empathy, if that makes sense?!
I think it's important to realise and actually make an engraved note of this somewhere that everyone around will be a "taker" so long you keep giving (be it whatever), it's *you* who has to decide (for you) and be mindful of the "giving".
Conscious efforts need to be made to "stock" for yourself what you so freely want to give out to others.
And for everyone else relating with it (also for me, when I read this post again lol, because eh silly lil brain sometimes needs that reminder xD)~ Nooooo, delaying anything that isn't currently suiting your mental and emotional health, does *not* make you a 'bad' person.
Nooo, setting boundaries with yourself, for yourself, does *not* make you a 'bad' person.
Yess, you are doing amazing, when you choose *you*. (Even if it doesn't feel that way always)
Have more tips and insight here, Lisa? Feel free to share!🌻
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou Wow, amazing insights! Really identify with what you shared here. I made special mental note of the empathy fencing you mentioned, as well as the engraved reminder about giving and taking. Thank you for your thoughts.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas
Aww thank you for replying, I'm really glad you could resonate (not in a "yay you've been there too" way but in a "it's relieving to hear we aren't alone in this and can rely on the support and encouragement to try and do better" way hehe), and found the reminders worthy of some engraving and making a note of. Sending lots of love and strength your way, as you try to set healthier boundaries with yourself as well.💛
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
@LisaMeighanMScGMBPsS
Aww always so warm, thank youuu, I appreciate your kindness always and for taking the time to share your thoughts.🌻
This is excellent advice, creating that boundary wall between what's ours to carry and what isn't, where the "empathy" and "feeling" should stop (not in the literal sense, because there isn't no stopping for these, really hehe), is so so important and helpful too.
Really glad you think so too, we do need to be more mindful about our emotional capacities and self care too. Reminders like these are always super helpful.🌻
@LisaMeighanMScGMBPsS
This is a very helpful post Lisa, thank you very much for addressing the topic of self-expectations. Too high self expectations can cause a lot of frustration and chip away at our confidence. Now to your question
"What healthy expectations do you have for yourself?"
I expect from myself to take good care of my health because (nothing to worry about but needs self care). Also I expect from myself to reach out more in future when needed.
@amiablePeace77
Looking after your health is so important and can be overlooked with our busy lives! I am glad to hear you are focused on ensuring you take care of yourself. Reaching out to others when you need it is so important too and often we find it very therapeutic to have a trusted person to communicate with. I hope you are well Ami and your gardening is going well too? :) I have just bought some soil for my garden as I am planning on doing some gardening over the weekend and it made me think of you!
@LisaMeighanMScGMBPsS
I can only agree with you Lisa, having someone to talk to can make challenges so much easier!
Nice that you're going to prepare your garden. To me gardening is very therapeutic too. Btw do you need some monkeys to help? 🐒 At the moment they're digging my Cassava! 😭
Well, we all want to eat 😀
@amiablePeace77 monkeys are trying to help you! Some help!
@amiablePeace77
It can make life seem so much better when we have someone to talk to in our lives and of course we have that here at 7 Cups!
Haha the monkeys are having such fun in your garden and I am sure they think it was so kind of you to grow them some Cassavas! I have planted some beautiful flowers in my garden and bought some more today that I just hope are not trampled on by my lovely dogs! I remember living in South Africa and the monkeys would eat all of the things I tried to grow! :)
@LisaMeighanMScGMBPsS I try to think of my personal expectations more like goals. I think about what I really value, not what I think I should value or what other people value. I’ve been trying to make them flexible, because I can tend to be perfectionistic. I want to be understanding toward myself and still feel good even if I only accomplish some of my expectations. Any small step. I don’t expect other people to be perfect, so why myself? I try not to have expectations of other people at all really. If I need something I want to just do it myself, because I don’t want to feel disappointed by them or left without whatever I need. Right now I’m focusing on my own physical, mental, and spiritual basics.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas
Remaining flexible when goal setting or setting self expectations makes so much sense especially if you sometimes find yourself having perfectionist qualities. You are doing so well just as you are and achieving small steps is the way to go with working towards your goals too. I am so glad to hear you are focusing on your health and well-being!
@LisaMeighanMScGMBPsS Thank you for sharing this with us.
I really enjoyed reading this.
It was a great read.
@calmMango9611. Hi nice to see you.
@adventurousBranch3786 Nice to see you again, my friend.
@calmMango9611
You are most welcome. I am so glad you enjoyed reading it :)
@LisaMeighanMScGMBPsS thank you for this post. Lots of good ideas to apply to my life.!
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@soulsings
thank you! very insightful post. :)
@soulsings thanks for tag ❤😁
@soulsings
Thank you Soulsings for always being so good with tag lists and updating the post :)
@LisaMeighanMScGMBPsS my expectations of myself, is to just keep going as long as I possibly can. The doctors said it will be a miracle if I live to 40 years old. But miracles happen everyday, I'm gonna live till I'm 105 😁😎❤ my only other expectations are to do what makes me happy 😁 art and crafts, cuddling and playing with my guinea pigs, being on 7 cups, and so so much more ❤❤ thanks for this post I hope your doing ok? Gives you a giant tiny hug ❤
@Tinywhisper11 none of us can control how long we live.
One thing I can control is to live fully all the days I am alive.
I think doctors take the usual outcome based on the usual person. You are one of the most wonderfully unusual people I know. I would not base your life expectancy on the usual. Keep living every day of your life being the giving person you are and when this life is over you will somehow find a way to keep benefiting others as you do every day you are alive.
@Tinywhisper11
It is so lovely to see you here! You have such a great attitude and outlook to life that is amazing. Keep doing what makes you happy and your guinea pigs sound so cute! We are so glad you are with us on 7 Cups and thank you for always bringing such light! I am well thank you for asking and I hope you are too! 🌻
@LisaMeighanMScGMBPsS ❤❤❤
@LisaMeighanMScGMBPsS Hi there Lisa, I am Ethan...
I wanted to let you know that I set expectations about myself regarding my abilities and based them off of what I think I can handle as an adult and towards my career. I do expect myself to continue with my education following my graduation and I expect to become more independent and live on my own. I feel like it is a good feeling to have these long-term goals and that they help me shape the ways I interact with others and myself to reach them.
Thank you so much!
Ethan
@sincerePlane4053
Hi Ethan! :)
These are such fantastic expectations that you have to continue working towards your education and eventually living by yourself. Education brings us so many opportunities and it sounds like you enjoy studying too.