Staying Safe With Boundaries
When people think of boundaries, sometimes they only think of them keeping people out, but there is another important function of boundaries: reminding us of where we need to avoid going when others do or say things that invite us to get angry and lose our peace of mind.
We are only in control of how we react to life situations. We do not have to get angry - we have a choice. A boundary can remind us when we need to be careful because someone is not respecting our boundaries.
- What boundaries do you need to set for yourself to protect your well-being?
- What do you need to do if someone does not respect your boundaries?
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@soulsings
What boundaries do you need to set for yourself to protect your well-being? What do you need to do if someone does not respect your boundaries?
I am working on boundaries for myself, which include "Do what you can and not what you want to do inside or outside the home." Another one is learning not to react to triggering comments but letting go. If someone does not respect my boundaries, I politely explain them to the person, and if that does not work, I will create distance.
@amiablePeace77
That's a great way to handle someone not respecting your boundaries. I'll remember that.
@soulsings
This is a vital discussion even for cups, to apply it.
Boundaries keep us safe.
And grounded.
Here for example, you don't need to feel pressured into giving out personal information, or off-site contact, or sharing what you are not ready to share.
It's important to respect other people's boundaries and never try to force them into changing them 🩷🤗
@Amanda84 very good points!
@soulsings
- What boundaries do you need to set for yourself to protect your well-being?
Boundaries I need to set for myself which I am working on is to keep myself in control and let go of things I don’t wanna keep in myself instead of holding onto them. Journaling helps me get it out of my mind but at that point it’s a come and go thing whereas if I didn’t journal it would stay in my mind constantly which is worse. So I’m proud of myself for journaling.
- What do you need to do if someone does not respect your boundaries?
In my experience there’s currently multiple people who definitely violate my boundaries which is disrespectful. When that happens I’m not happy but I journal it to get it out of my mind. In addition to that I take a well deserved and needed break from interacting with them. I find that these things keep me happier as opposed to interacting with those who disrespect me in whatever ways they do endlessly. It’s certain family members.
Just wanna add that I sometimes think of keeping certain people out by setting boundaries. That is if they respect boundaries I set but unfortunately they don’t
However I also believe that you’re right in saying that this isn’t the only important function of boundaries. There’s another one. That is as you stated above to remind us of where we should not go when other people say/do things that push us to eventually get angry and not have peace at those times.
I also agree with you that we are only in control of ourselves and how we react to situations in life that we end up in. We don’t need to get angry since we have a choice. Boundaries can be reminders for us when we need to be careful bc our boundaries are being violated which is a sign of those people disrespecting us. You’re right about that too.
But for the people who’s boundaries are always being violated and never respected feel the only thing they can do is get angry. They may also feel it’s pointless setting boundaries when they’re always being violated. I understand that and understand why they feel that way. They certainly have good reason to feel like that. I used to be one of those people myself for a long time but no longer anymore which I’m proud of myself for.
@akunknown glad we agree on some major points. You seem to make a sincere effort to stay calm.I applaud you and you efforts.
@soulsings
There used to be something called "good manners" which set boundaries for everyone. Some people were better than others following those boundaries. Also the level of respect you owe to others or they owe to you is elastic depending on background and culture.
I can't say that anyone has not respected my boundaries, because it was not a thing when I was growing up. If something was amiss, you could deal with it by either being even more polite (as a challenge) or leaving the scene as soon as you could.
- What boundaries do you need to set for yourself to protect your well-being?
- What do you need to do if someone does not respect your boundaries?
@Fradiga in the southern US there is a tradition of over politeness when one means the opposite. It sounds like they are being on your side bu they can mean the opposite.
@soulsings
.... and that can be okay, since it can becomes funny, Your Honour
@soulsings
- What boundaries do you need to set for yourself to protect your well-being?
Trying to practice this to get better. I need to not feel pressured to do things I'm not comfortable with. The other people don't do very basic things out of courtesy for me, so why do I go so beyond pushing myself for them?
- What do you need to do if someone does not respect your boundaries?
I guess just cut another person out of my life. It's very depressing. I hope at some point I'll meet someone I don't have to have those kind of deal-breaker boundaries with. How nice it would be if I said how I feel and someone else just said, "ok". 😞😌
