Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check In - Monday April 9th 2018
On my last check in, I advocated the use of the word ‘no. On todays check in, just to confuse and perplex, Im advocating saying ‘yes!
‘No is a good word when youre being asked to take on everybody elses stuff, and the people pleaser in you wants to say yes, even though your head is screaming no! But if you only ever say no, think what possibilities you may miss out on. Saying no to every opportunity will limit your experiences, drain your self esteem, and keep you trapped in a bubble of your own making. There are times when the word yes allows you to stretch outside your comfort zone and try something new. You never know, you may learn something new, meet someone new, and enjoy something new.
So I wonder, are there things youve been putting off? Are you procrastinating over something but not moving forward? What stops you from saying yes to opportunities?
Just as a reminder, as part of National Child Abuse Awareness Month, the trauma community are holding an art event, (see this link). Ah ah, stop a minute. Dont dismiss it. How about giving it a go? Saying yes!
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Saying yes to new experiences has actually been on my mind a lot lately
as I have been locked in physically and mentally for so long.
I recently went to visit some family I havent seen in over a year
and I also had unexpected guests over this weekend.
Trying to engage in post conversations here is also something I am
working on as I often go numb.
@emotionalMaple9419
I absolutely agree with Kite on this one. It would be so easy to just put these things off even longer, and suddenly it feels even more impossible than it did previously. But youre pushing forward, making the effort, and honestly, I admire you so much for being prepared to try.
Hows it been incidentally? Has the contact been enjoyable?
Guys....why is it snowing? It
@BeeLeigh
Weird weather eh? I like hearing about those really freaky weather conditions, when it rains frogs for instance. How cool must it be to experience that?
@DeborahUK
Bats and frogs??? What kinda weirdo weather you all got over there?? We got cats and dogs fallin over here! 🤣
@BeeLeigh - D: I'm so sorry. I'm more than ready for spring too.
@wontsleepwontwake
I will take rain at this point cuz that
@DeborahUK
I'm feeling a bit fragile at the moment. You know when you have a ball in your throat and you could burst into tears at any moment? That's me right now. I am in the process of quitting smoking (this is day 1), I had a really intense therapy session that totally messed with my tired head, Im not feeling settled or safe much today, i've succesfully managed to be deserted by pretty much everyone in my support system. Perhaps it's my own fault as I am pretty good at pushing away about 99% of people that come into my life, so yeah, I can only blame myself I guess...
Sorry I don't feel like tackling anything from the checkin, my mind is so full already and I just wanted a place to share what's on my heart, I hope thats okay <3
@WaterLily16
Im so pleased you came here to share Lily, and I hope you see youre not alone.
Therapy can be tough to face, and when youre doing that without your usual comforts, such as a cigarette, or someone in the background to check in with you, it makes it even harder. But strength isnt about breezing through life effortlessly. Strength is about finding it tough but still doing it anyway. And youre that strong person. And loved. And cared about. And not alone. Please try to see that.
@DeborahUK
I like what you said, thank you Deb <3
@WaterLily16
And I meant it Lily. You
@WaterLily16 - Congrats on your first day, although it may be full of strife and challenges and stress :( I am in the process of quitting smoking too. The community is here for you <3
@wontsleepwontwake
Good luck with the quitting. Sounds like you
@wontsleepwontwake
Congrats for quitting smoking! And thank you for your support <3
@WaterLily16 - Absolutely <3
@WaterLily16
I know exactly how you feel luv, it's like the slightest thing can reduce you to tears and you forget about all the good things about you and what you bring to others. I'm also very guilty of pushing people away, it's like I never want them to know how I actually feel, I'd rather paint my make beleive smiles and live in my bubble, maybe that's my coping thing.
Anyway, well done with the smoking thing, I imagain that' really tough x
saying yes to new opportunitys is really important for me. i often feel scared of new things and experiences but i am working on it :)
sadly am on the go right now so there will only be this short check in with me :P
wish you all a good day and take care everyone!
@Hope3729
Youre facing the fear yet still cracking on with it, and thats a pretty mega step! Hopefully therell come a point where youre able to face new experiences more confidently, and have the belief in yourself that youve got this. I dont doubt it.
@DeborahUK
I did something new, something I have never done before.
At work weare working on a very big project. Today we had a deadline that was very important. I still needed to write a couple of things and we almost did not make it. I felt the pressure and a little panic. Stress is not something I suffer from normaly but with all that is going on inside and the feelings that are starting to come up it was stressful. When I finished and we knew we had made it I felt a strong feeling that I did not understand. That and the panic I had felt were very overwhelming. I told the team that I was feeling overwhelmed and that I did not really know how to handle it. After I said that I started to cry out loud. I can't remember the last day I cried out loud, if ever. One teammember came over and held me while everybody was really supportive. I never could have imagined it to be like this. It felt so good!
After I was done crying they thanked me for sharing that and for trusting and letting them hold and comfort me.
I know the team really loves me but today I felt it and it was good!
@MaschaV
Thats given me goose bumps to read Mascha. So often at work we put on a front, were invincible, totally in control, super cool, super efficient. What a load of old baloney! And by wearing this mask, ‘cos we all do it to some extent, we perpetuate the myth to others that they should be that way too. How refreshing that youve been able to show your human side, and what a relief to your colleagues to know that its okay to feel overwhelmed, because others feel that way too.
Saying Yes to the opportunity to do some volunteering was a turning point in my healing path. My life had become really closed in on myself. I was terrified and very stressed going for the first time and it was really difficult. But after going a few times I couldn't believe it coz the other people actually seemed pleased to see me, and someone told me how much people liked me. That was a real shock, but a good one! This experience showed me that it's really important for me to face my fears head on, and that there can be good experiences out there.
@hopetoday
Thats so encouraging to read. Of course, it takes a real effort on your part to make a success of something, but how incredible that you started down such a positive path simply by saying ‘yes.
@DeborahUK Thank you Deborah :)
@hopetoday
I hope it is okay to for me to share a vision that I have with what you are sharing. It is actualy really cool.
I see a well in a very dry surrounding. All ground around is dry, no flowers, no grass, nothing. In the well is very little water and it smells bad because it stands still.
Then I see the water starting to move. And as it moves it refreshes. This water becomes healthy and it waters the surrounding. Which on its turn starts to grow grass and flowers.
I think when we are focussing on our selves and our needs and wants we will become like standing water. We are afraid to give because we need it ourselves. Eventualy we end up completely dry.
When we start to give, we receive and it starts to flow. We become healthier. And because we give, others too benefit.
I want to encourage you with this. You will see the fruits and it will be beautiful. Both for you and the people or cause you are serving 
@MaschaV Yes, it's really cool Mascha! It's beautiful , thank you for sharing this :)
@hopetoday
I am glad, you are amazing!
@DeborahUK
I think the thing that had kept me from saying yes to opportunities is feeling like I didn't deserve them. I've gotten to a point where I can't really say no to any form up support or opportunity that could potentially improve my situation, so I'm saying yes, a lot more. The balance between no and yes is so complex and really hard for people to find. Balance in general is hard for people to find.
@beautifuldisasterx0
I have to agree, it is difficult to know which route to take sometimes. But none of us will ever know what treasures life holds for us if we dont allow ourselves to be open to new opportunities. And we may hate it! But then again, we may just love it. And we just wont know until we try.
Im sorry youve not felt you deserved opportunities up to this point. We all deserve to live our lives the best way we know how, regardless of what others think or say. But how sad when the person who holds us back the most is ourself. Its great to hear youre seeking to improve your situation. I hope youre justly rewarded.
@DeborahUK
Ok, today's check-in, well wring topic, cause today I've been so proud of myself that I said 'no' to a colleague who wanted me to do some of her work 😁 well, normally I'd have said yes, of course, no problem, but today I thought, no, I can't do more, I'm at my limit and it's ok to say no, so I said that, very friendly and with lots of sorrys, but still 😊
But I guess saying yes is meant differently, right? Saying yes to opportunities and chances, well, I'm scared of changes and new things, so I prefer staying in my comfort zone, perhaps that's partly the reason why I stay away from people in general, if there are no people they can't offer you opportunities, so you din't have to say yes or no... But I guess when I trust trust somebody I would go bungee jumping with them, never tried it, so perhaps I'd love it... So generally I am definitely for the yes on new opportunities, I guess, or perhaps not, I have noooo idea 😂 is this confusing anybody else but me?
@courteousNorth5140
Haha! I think the whole idea of when its in your interests to say yes or no can be quite difficult to grapple with. When I was first trying to push myself beyond my comfort zone, my rule of thumb was generally to say the opposite to my first instinct. So when I leapt at the chance to people please, I would counsel myself to consider saying no. And when the thought of agreeing to something horrified me, I would give myself a talking to and actually consider the merits of saying yes.
Well done you on your well placed ‘no earlier today. Even with apologies or feelings of awkwardness, a no is still a no, and it certainly sounds like you acted in your best interests on this occasion. First of many lets hope :)
@courteousNorth5140 Really proud of your 'no' earlier today, really brave, so encouraging :)
@DeborahUK
That's good to remember :) To use your yes's and no's. It can be hard to know when to use each. I had a good therapist one time tell me "YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO CHANGE YOUR MIND". She did a good job and sometimes I wish she was still my therapist. But she did something where I didn't trust her any more.
I am having a rough day. High anxiety. First day training at a new job, (a very part time job that pays low -- just clarifying because it's not really alleviating "everything"). Wonder if I am ever, ever, ever ever going to have anything remotely resembling a stable life.
@singercrystalspirit
Thats a great point, the right to change your mind. No decision is ever set in stone.
I hope youre able to settle into your new job. Who knows where it may take you. And if its not where you want to be ultimately, you can always change things and try again elsewhere.
@DeborahUK
I aspire to have the hope that you have. And to really feel it and believe it.
