Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check In - Monday March 5th 2018
Its fascinating looking at national days calendars. It seems like theres a day for everything. And how apt for our community that today is ‘national multiple personality day. Apologies if thats a non politically correct term, but dissociative identity disorder (DID), is a very real condition for many people who experienced trauma at a young age. Im not offering much more than that, as my knowledge of DID is limited to put it mildly. So I invite any of you living with this, to check in today and share your story. I for one would like to understand DID more, and what better day to create awareness than on March 5th, the National Day?
Other national days to celebrate today are ‘national fun facts about names day and ‘national cheese doodle day. Both pretty inclusive I think, as we all have a name, and who doesnt like a cheese doodle?? So lets explore DID, names and savoury snacks together. This is your check in, your safe space, and all are welcome :)
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@DeborahUK
Though I dissociate I don't have DID. I rather enjoy a tasty cheese doodle tho. I'm all for that! Nom! 👌
@KatieMoon1
I'm the same Katie
@KatieMoon1
@Tenacity37
Can you explain a little more? Is this because you dont have two or more identities? So when you dissociate, is it more like a lapse, lost time, or are you aware of whats happened?
@DeborahUK
So with me I lapse into a memory. I only dissociate when I get a body memory/flashback, in reality it's a lapse in time, but in my head, it's me stuck in the memory, unable to wake until it's over.
It's not another personality, my body stays still, my mind is just stuck in the memory, like reliving what i went through.
I've come to the conclusion that because I dissociated when it happened and repressed it, that I dissociate to remember as well. My therapist agrees with this.
@DeborahUK
Technically dissociation goes to the simplest level of daydreaming, so most people dissociate to some degree. I also dont have DID, but I do dissociate. I just lose time. It mostly happened um....well....it mostly happened when I had to do something I didnt want to. Id just lose time. I was there. I was physically present. But my brain went away and the next thing Id remember would be after the fact. At some point I realized that my emotions shut off whenever there was a serious situation and I had to take care of someone else, so I learned to control that. Now its basically my backup. I used to do it every time I started to feel anything that felt like too much, but I dont do it as much anymore. Its literally like flipping a switch in my brain and shutting off all emotion.
Hi deb.. I experience dissociation when things are too intense to handle however haven't been diagnosed with DID.. Have never had a cheese doodle but sounds interesting.. Been feeling a lil stronger today and just finishing up a intense work shift.. Hope you are well.. 
@calmLake1999
Good to see you amongst us, and thanks so much for supporting others in the kind and understanding way you do :)
@calmLake1999 This is what I believe I experience too. After some episodes when I get back and finally go do some self care, and I see myself in the mirror, I just absolutely can't connect with the person starnig back at me. Feels like a different person, one that is not connected to this mind.
@DeborahUK
I am me 
and hi
@conscientiousPineapple1782
Hi pine 👋
These 2 quotes from Brene Brown's book "Daring Greatlly" helped me to understand shame better and become aware that this is exactly how I feel very deep down and it's so hard to admit it that I do feel like this a lot:
"Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging."
"Shame is the fear of disconnection-it's the fear that something we've done or failed to do, an ideal that we've not lived up to, or a goal that we've not accomplished makes us unworthy of connection.I'm not worthy or good enough for love, belonging, or connection.I'm unlovable.I don't belong."
It's also very hard when self-woth is so tied to what I do, what I've, what I accomplish and so on.It's emotionally crippling and I try to break free from it all and reshape this way of being to something much healthier and not as hurtful.
For now first thing is awareness and acceptance that all of this do exist and is a part of who I'm right now and that I feel very ashamed that it's so.Even harder it's to show my shame to others but that's only way how I'll end up feeding it because shame feeds on silence and being unspoken.I refuse to give it even more power than it already has over me.
@Morfo66
Shame certainly needs a good airing to reduce the power of it. Because it is that insidious grip it takes when you bury it deep within you, and it seems to feed on those darkest and most intensely private parts of us.
Some words of wisdom I heard, and that have allowed me to share those feelings of shame, are these:
its often those things we least want to mention that we most need to talk about
@DeborahUK
wow.that's so powerful!thanks a lot for sharing!
@calmLake1999 these words ^ ♥️
I've never really done this before but the questions you ask for the check in are very chilled out. I don't know much about DID. It's something I'll have to look up more information about. I call the orange thing a wotsit and they're delicious but I don't eat them anymore. And my name in Hebrew is apparently the name of a tree indigenous to the middle East in the pistachio family, and also means goddess in Hebrew. Hope everyone else is having a good day :)
@Corylus9216
Welcome to the trauma community :).
Yes, the cheesy puff is a wotsit to me. Not sure if thats just a UK brand, or whether youre from further afield. Your name certainly has an exotic origin. So youre some sort of nutty Goddess!
@DeborahUK I don't have any cheese doodles. :(
But my actual name means great warrior, so there's that for the fun fact thing. lol Unless you meant our online names which in that case this one is derived from a character I've created.
@FangsInsanity
Great warrior! What a strong name origin that is. It seems a lot of names form from strong inspirational Greek, Roman or Hebrew meanings. Whereas now we name our kids after where they were conceived, or our favourite reality star or movie character.
Imagine facing life christened Superman, Facebook or Birmingham!
The funny side of living with DID
Here's a fun fact about my name:
When I was 11, my aunt was pregnant and she had one of those baby name books, so I looked up my name. So, for the last nearly 17yrs I've known that my name, in the baby name book, is literally: "An after-dinner drink made from distilled wine." That is the meaning of my name lol. Also, my mom had me when she was in high school, and she pulled my name from her yearbook. First name and middle name :)
Anyway!
The Keurig at work broke like two weeks ago and I'm basically going insane without it. We ordered a new one over a week ago and it still hasn't come in yet. We've called on it like four times. I'm not the only one going crazy either, but at least the field staff get to LEAVE THE OFFICE DURING THE DAY so they have the option to stop at a drive thru!! Some of us are just stuck there texting nurses to see if they're coming back to the office soon so they can stop and grab me a coffee! I just want my caffeeeeeiiiiiinnnneeee!!!! 😩😩😩😩
Ahem.
Yeah.
So guys guess what?? I got the grade on a paper I wrote in like, an hour, tops, and she only took off some credit for me not having direct quotes from the documentary! Her feedback was so amazing I was literally fighting tears trying to make it to the end! Seriously, her feedback starts off with this, "Your writing is smooth, clear, and direct. I have seen it in the weekly discussion boards as well as the two journals that you have submitted thus far. This first essay demonstrates those same strengths in terms of both style and organization. Your overall grasp of rhetoric is developed and sophisticated for a 100-level class. The analysis reflects this same developed and sophisticated comprehension, and I not only found it thoughtful, but also generally enjoyed reading the essay." It seriously just stayed at that level or better throughout her sidebar feedback and the stuff she threw into the essay. Literally her only critique (other than a few minor things I missed in my lack of proofreading) was that I needed to use direct quotes. I'm seriously so happy right now!! 😄😄😄💜💜💜
Hi, its Teresa. Now the wifi of my apartment house is not available and Im writing this in the cafe because I am not very good at texting on smartphone. My hands would get hurt because of fibromyalgia if I do that. I hope my wifi would be fixed very soon!
And I love cheese so much and have some experience of tasting variety of cheese.
Today I feel really tired and a bit confused.
I hope everyone would have a good time today.
