Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check In - Saturday 14th October 2017
Phew, at last Friday 13th is out the way! It wasn't just the day, I've had a bad week!
Too much to do, too little time. Having to face tasks I'd really rather not, hoping for the best and not always achieving it. It was one of those weeks where frankly I could quite happily have hid under the duvet and never come out.
But I have this fear of letting others down. I always think it's my people pleasing mentality that pushes me on, my sense of responsibility to others.
But this week I've begun to realise, perhaps I have a sense of responsibility to myself too. People have been telling me well done for even trying, how brave to have given it a go, how proud I should feel for what I've achieved.
So it seems maybe I have hidden depths. Maybe my strength isn't found from my responsibility to others, but it lives deep within me after all.
Have you found your strength yet? Have you acknowledged you have it? What gets you through the tough times? Come say hi, know you're not alone ❤️
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Have you found your strength yet? Writing, this site, my blogs, my family
Have you acknowledged you have it? At times
What gets you through the tough times? Writing, food and my family, sometime good listeners on here
@Rebekahwriter13
Yay! We all deserve to know what keeps us strong, and you sound like you have both people and interests you can rely on - double whammy!
What about those strengths within you Rebekah? Are you stubborn, determined, headstrong, or do you have a quiet determination? If someone kicks you when you're down, what helps you fight back?
@DeborahUK What about those strengths within you Rebekah? Writing, organizing, leading, planning
Are you stubborn, determined, headstrong, or do you have a quiet determination? Stubborn, bear like determined.
If someone kicks you when you're down, what helps you fight back? Someone cheering me up. I used to be my own cheerleader, but anxiety, depression, and ptsd have been much louder. Sigh.
@Rebekahwriter13
Hey, we can help you with that fight back until you find the strength yourself ❤️
I fdind this to be very potent:. "So it seems maybe I have hidden depths. Maybe my strength isn't found from my responsibility to others, but it lives deep within me after all".
My whole identtity is revolbved around helpeing other people...as if I someone cease to exists if I do not help another.
Honestly - te idea that I have a responcibility to myself had not crossed my mind before, but I like ti <3
After all - I can not be there for others unles I am there for msyelf first, right?
@blissedNblessed
It's like that saying you can't pour from an empty jug. Or is it cup? Maybe I don't know the saying, but I hope you get my drift 😳
But you're right, it's very hard to be strong for others if your energy and self belief is sapped. And how hollow are your words and actions if you don't believe what you're saying to support others?
I'm quite interested in what motivates us. Particularly once you've been a people pleaser for a while - it's easy to lose sight of you and what you want. Do you do something simply for the benefit of others, or do you do it to please yourself? In some ways I think it's a way of protecting yourself, because if you try something and it fails, you can always tell yourself 'I only tried for their sake anyway. It doesn't matter to me'. When perhaps sometimes it does matter to you. Very much. But imagine how buoying that is if you succeed. I did it! I achieved it! For me!
@DeborahUK
No - i dont have a fear of failure.
I have a fear of success.
but i do things for others because that is my identity - without hellping others in some way - i am a pointless person and do not exist :(
@blissedNblessed
Sorry, my previous post turned into me musing about my own motivations, but I failed to own it by using the first person, and it sounded like I was telling you about yourself. I wasn't, you're the expert on yourself, not me. Sorry about that 😳
Calling yourself a pointless person who only exists for others sounds a painful self impression to have. I was asked many years ago who I would want with me at my death bed, to provide that final comfort. I chose someone I know and admire greatly, who is always warm and caring, and has time and words for others. I was then reminded the only person I could guarantee to be there at the end of my life is me, and could I become that person I admire, and be self reliant, and be able to look after and value myself.
The reason I tell you that is twofold. Firstly, knowing people in life who are giving to others, much like yourself, is a beautiful thing. You can make an enormous and positive difference to those around you, even though you may not be aware of it. Secondly, can you take some of that caring compassion you possess and turn it on yourself? Learn to please yourself and to meet your needs. Then far from feeling pointless, you may come to value your worth.
@DeborahUK
Have you found your strength yet? Have you acknowledged you have it? What gets you through the tough times?
Hi ^^. Weel I feel better so much after being in church for sick...it was some day about sickness of our soul and phisical.. Someone preshust to me give me straights...if just remeber when was low. lol found straight in love <3. Weel I leaned and to much how to handle stuff on my own. I read somth somewhere that reason why we suffer so much bcs it gets normal to us...got used to it and need to change mind set..even conversation is not so much necesery always, it actualy sometimes can become adictive.
@conscientiousPineapple1782 It sounds like you have found inner strength and self-reliance! That's really wonderful :)
@DeborahUK - Today is a day. Not feeling well, but not feeling awful. No breakdowns for two weeks. Mind exhaustive. Too many high stressors to tackle. Trouble planning for the future, which infringes on my ability to enjoy the present.
I do have strength... Of course, there are moments when I recognize my strength and persistence as a good thing, and sometimes even feel proud of myself for having the instinct to keep going, where I build my internal strength with confidence from what I've survived so far. Those moments are okay, but they are short and fleeting, similar to moments of happiness. However, I often consider it more of a curse than a benefit. Most of the time I don't feel good about it and don't appreciate it. My strength keeps dragging me forward, like Time. There is no stopping point, even when I am taking a break from myself, I am still suffering. Even when I have breakdowns, I am not broken. I want to break, but cannot, I keep persisting. I survive every moment, it's exhausting. My strength scares me - what will I survive and suffer through next, and for what purpose, and to what ends? I just want to be able to rest and think 'well I did my best, but something finally broke me.' Giving up sounds so lovely, but I cannot do it. My strength is constant self-inflicted self-preservation. Being strong is one thing, but what about the quality of that strong life? I suffer internally and keep going. It sounds really nice to have a moment without strength, and I fear that sounds ungrateful and ignorant, and I'm sorry if it does. Some days it feels like I'm like a prisoner of my own persistence to survive. It doesn't matter how exhausted I am or what I have gone through, because I will keep going and going and going, despite myself.
It doesn't sound ungrateful at all @wontsleepwontwake
In fact I suspect there are many people who may feel that way. Almost that sense of wanting to be rescued, but knowing you won't be rescued until people notice you're drowning. But you don't know how to call for help.
Or wanting to be absolved of any guilt or responsibility if you just shrivel up, but there's something in you that won't allow the shrivelling process.
It can be incredibly, incredibly hard to ask for help. So the alternative is you just plod on, feeling more and more worn down, but not seeing how anything can possibly change. If you broke your leg, would you just drag that painfully limp leg along behind you? Or would you seek help and support. Pain relief, medical intervention, something to support it, a crutch. Why can't you seek those for your mental wellbeing too?
You ask for what purpose you keep on struggling through. That's a bit of a 'what's the meaning of life' question in my head. The beauty of life is, we don't really know. But around every corner we may find the answer - who knows what the next chapter of our life will hold unless we turn the page and press on with it. And fingers crossed, we reach a good chapter.
I don't think I know what my strength is, I have never really thought about it. I think I will use this for a journaling topic later to see what I can find. It is great idea and thank you for sharing it.
Today has been an okay day. I have been working on making myself get out of my apartment some and today was a game day with a dear elderly couple that I know. I enjoy their company; they are what I consider safe. Today we set up to meet for games once a week on Saturdays. I am not good at commitments like that usually, but I am trying to work on that too.
It has been a hard week but honestly I have not taken it as bad as I could have. :) I am just tired and glad it is the weekend. On the weekends I like to just hang in and watch Netflix and just take some time to rest and not think too much.
I have been smoking less the last couple of days. I usually smoke a pack a day...and have been trying to quit for years. I am doing a cessation program and not feeling as bad as I usually do when I try...so that's exciting. My goals for the weekend are to continue with that and to not binge eat while watching TV.
@TeenyTinyAppy
I am so impressed with your determination Teeny. It's never easy to quit habits we've fallen into, but you sound like you're having a real crack at it. Keep believing! Ride out those moments when you're tempted, and who knows what you're capable of.
I hope the weekend is proving as relaxing as you hoped. Put the experience of the past week behind you, recharge those batteries, and come Monday you'll be raring to go!
@DeborahUK
I'm sorry you had such a hard week. I use to have the problem of not being able
Have you found your strength yet? Yes, but... sometimes, like this week when bombs keep going off~ forcefully blowing me off balance, sending me airborne, and then slamming me face down on cold, hard, rocky ground.
Have you acknowledged you have it? Yes..but I'm tired of being "strong," when trial after trial, and multiple tests are slammed down HARD, consistently and consecutively on me...one after another.
What gets you through the tough times? My faith in God gets me through...though at times, when things in my life go awry every which way, and are out of my control tomanage or fix... my trust in Him wavers. But, then I look back to really dark and painful times in my life that at God's faithfulness to see me through every dark, and sometimes violent storm. And, oddly, when He brings me through those raging storms, I'm not weary, weakened, and ragged. I am remarkably strong on my feet (standing prepared for the next 😕 slam-bam trial take-down. My dogs also get me through BIG TIME in tough times...day in, and day out...no matter the hour of the day, or night, my 3 poochies are right beside me🐾 making their love 💞 and faithful, loyal presence known to me. Also, people here get me through the rocky times (&/or the times life throws rocks at me 😢 . This week a devastating thing happened to me on Monday, and the situation took a turn for the worse on Tuesday, and on Wednesday, when I couldn't imagine it could get worse.. it did.
And I was a mess-of-a-wreck...and besides turning to God, I shared in our Daily Check-In that I was really upset, & you, 😇 @DeborahUK, @agreeableKite4304 😇, @TreesandWine 😇, @wizeakre 😇, and @themainjane 😇 helped to get me through with their messages expressing care, and genuine concern about how I was doing, and they checked in on me through the week irregardless of my being too upset to share the specifics of what trial was tearing me to pieces. I have no family, and I don't have a single friend (offline/local..or long distance) that I can call when I'm crushed mentally & emotionally by a 20-ton trial. But I can always turn to God, snuggle next to my dogs, & cry on their hairy shoulders, and I can turn to my caring, fellow-fighting trauma comrades for the support, encouragement, & comfort I need in my brokeness.
@caterpillargirl
Oh gosh sister, I hear you! There are times when life just keeps coming at you and it feels so relentless! Sometimes it can help to look back at what you've already got yourself through, but other times that can just leave you feeling exhausted and like 'no more'!
Certainly having a faith can be a real strength at those times, and believing the Lord will never give us more than we can cope with. He always believes in you, even when you no longer believe in yourself.
You sound like you've had a devastating turn of events this week caterpillar, but as you say, there's a lot of support to be had in this community. And behind the keyboards we are all living, breathing humans - friends who care about you, here if you need us ❤️
Trying to find strength. And having some success.
@themainjane
Success! Such a beautiful word Jane. I'm so glad to hear you're finding some of it. Great to still have you amongst us x
@DeborahUK
Thank you. : )
Hi everyone,
This has been a good day to think about the importance of recognizing strengths and how they help us get through both the ups and downs. I am open minded, love to learn, enjoy working with individuals and watching them thrive. It helps me step outside of myself for a while and honestly makes me feel very positive about the future. Sometimes I have to remind myself to focus on the things that are calling out for my attention internally. It is easier for me not to at times, until it isn't (: I guess maintaining that delicate balance is something we struggle with at times. I am learning to be cognizant of my own limitations and when to say I need to rejuvenate. Reaching out, having fun again and not taking everything so seriously is something I am learning to do again as well. It feels good to stop focusing on "fixing" myself for a moment and enjoying who I am. It is a difficult goal to express accurately but it is important. It helps to accept all of me with my strengths, challenges and experiences.
@Compassionatelistener108
I can really identify with what you say here, in terms of stepping back from that focus of 'fixing' yourself. It's hard to know when you're the finished article isn't it? And along the way, with all the self reflection, the recollection of trauma, and the at times excruciating act of unearthing what lies at the core of your self beliefs, it's easy to feel a bit lost. I know I certainly lost myself within that process, and I suspect I'm not the only one.
And I think you're right too, to accept your strengths, challenges and experiences. Because that probably is the finished article. I don't believe in aiming for perfection, because I think that would be too dull to be perfect! Humans are a complex lot, and some of our nuances will make us who we are, others will creep up and bite us. As you say, it's a delicate balance to know which bits of the whole to accept, and which to work on further. Have you worked it out yet? I know for sure I haven't!
@DeborahUK
What a perfect time to read your response. It is a difficult thing to determine. I have had the opportunity to work on this for a long time with some wonderfully talented individuals. During the early days of therapy, I thought I had reached "good enough" right before diving into something important and worthy of my attention. Funny how those defense mechanisms work (: Fortunately, we kept working and it was worth every moment. It is easier to navigate when enough is truly enough. I still miss the mark many times. The difference now is I recognize the signs (most of the time) and ask for help from a mentor or trusted friend. Life is unpredictable and we need one another to muddle through the messy parts and share the joyful experiences. I don't believe in perfection as the rules keep changing. I could have chased it forever. I look more toward a feeling of peace, if there is a consensus I am happy in the moment ~ because you know, life happens. I will always be a work in progress or at least I hope to be. It means that I am still learning and growing from my experiences. Here is to acknowledging the impermanence of things. Both the tough things and the wonderful ones. It is all how we perceive it and that takes time and being gentle with our thoughts. At the moment, I am muddling through and reaching out while being thankful for those who are reaching back to help guide me through.