Traumatic Experiences Community - Daily Check In - Saturday September 30th 2017
I read so much pain in these threads sometimes, and so much hope at other times. And in fact, in my life, it's been like that. Some periods of intense pain and despair, and others of optimism and hope. It's hard to imagine, when in the depths of despair, that we'll get through it, or that life will ever be right again. But we do, and it is. I guess it's true that time is a great healer, and that we are able to become accustomed to a new reality. That takes longer for some than others, and some people encounter more obstacles along the way. But I've always been a great believer in seeing things from a different perspective. You hear of people who have been through devastating experiences in their lives talk of the strength this has given them, of how it has made them rethink their lives and themselves.
I stumbled across this today, and was very taken by how it changes given the different perspective. Read it from top down first, then bottom up, and you'll see what I mean.
I know it can be hard to imagine life feeling better some times. And it's such a struggle when that feeling goes on and on. But please don't ever lose hope, don't give up, keep looking for that different perspective. Because things really can be different depending on how we view them.
Reach out and we will be there. Reach out becuase you are NOT alone. 
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@DeborahUK
Thank you
@KLM3278
How are you doing KLM? You seem a bit quieter lately.
@DeborahUK
I'm ok. Lots of ups and downs. But then some good days and steady days. I have been trying not to think about stuff as much. Counseling is ok. Not reay working on hard stuff. Which is probably good. I needed a break from the hard thinking. Thank you for asking how i am. How are you?
@KLM3278
I think this is the difficulty with counselling. It can sometimes keep you focussed on the really hard stuff and be hard to move forward from. It's just a personal opinion of course, and I'm also a great advocate of counselling, but it is a bit of a balancing act.
If you want a bit of light relief, the Jokeathon is in full swing here.
Well I've had the lurgy for the last week or more, but now feeling much more like myself, thankfully. At least you're safe from my bugs on t'internet!
@DeborahUK
You are so nice. You make me smile! I was just looking at the Joke-a-than! I can't think of a joke to leave 🤔❤️
Counseloring is hard! I like going though. But I get scared. And frustrated. My counselor is very nice. Sometimes I just wish I knew what he was really thinking about me. Today was hard. We talked about phyiscal stuff and how it works. It was embearssing. But it was good because I wasn't sure on some stuff. And he was so nice about not using certian things. words and stuff. And he always wants me to ask questions. But I get anxious. And he is a real good person!
@KLM3278
Well I believe it's called unconditional positive regard, and is a common practice in counselling where the client is accepted exactly as they are. So in other words, any thoughts your counsellor has about you shouldn't be judgemental ones, but purely ones for your best interests. So do try not to get too hung up on what he thinks. The sessions are for your benefit after all.
Ah, if only life were that straightforward though! I know from my own experience that we do get caught up on how others think about us. Most of us like to be liked after all. Thanks for your kind words. I'm imagining your counsellor likes you - you're very likeable :)
@DeborahUK
Oh thank you. It feels hard sometimes. I don't have many friends. But I guess people like me. It feels hard? I guess sometimes i just think a lot. And I don't want my counselor to only pretend to like me.The positive regard thing. I just that is the part of counseling that feels the stangest? They are just people to. But we pay them. They are doctors. They treat anyone. But is it al pretend? I don't want it to be all pretend. That when I leave he is glad and then next week comes and he thinks, "Ugh. Oh okay here goes. At least it's money."
Bu thank you for what you said about me.
@KLM3278
That's a good question isn't it? Do people do their jobs simply for the money? Maybe some do, but I hope most people will find themselves doing a job they have an affinity with. If you had no interest in people, it would seem a strange choice to train as a counsellor. Of course, your counsellor isn't there to be your best friend, but likewise he would struggle to work with you if he found you detestable. And you say you like your counsellor, so it sounds like you've made a good connection.
Maybe there's a truth here you have to accept. You are likeable, and how many friends you do or don't have doesn't alter that. Both Kite and I have obviously seen something very appealing in you, and I doubt it's only us. Perhaps instead of questioning how your counsellor perceives you, you could look at the messages you give yourself. You are the one person who will be in your life every day when you wake up, and every night when you sleep. So that relationship with yourself wants to be pretty special doesn't it?
@DeborahUK
Thanks. Others have said that to me to. Counselors aren't your friend. I thought he was but I get how it works now. Dancingrainbow and SaltyDog both explain that to me also. At first I was mad and cried about it, Then I thought about it. If my family who "are supposed to truly love and like me" treated me like they did - then even a pretend counselor friend is way better. Sure he can't be really in my life and be a friend, but he also isn't going to hurt me. He is nice and kind and is helping me. So thats better than anything I've ever had before. I'll take it! A crumb of kindness is better than nothing. So I get what you mean! As for liking myself. That is slowly getting better. Maybe someday I will really be able to. Thank you for what you've said though. I think you're very nice aslo!!!!
@DeborahUK
okay, I know I'm not here anymore but Deb can I say - that was awesome!!
@DeborahUK thats really trippy reading it from top to bottom then bottom to top...its so different wow
@Jesse9675
Certainly makes you think doesn't it?
I found another one which I also love:
Dont forget to read from bottom up to get the true picture!
@DeborahUK
Thank you for sharing this one as well. It is he first time I have seen it. I am speaking from my heart as this is an issue of suffering that weighs on me heavily. My intent is not to push my views on others ~ I realize the complexity and would never negate the rights of others to express their thoughts.
I hope we, meaning those I occasionally interact with locally, can can find common ground and reach out to those who are suffering. I am an individual who believes there is a way to solve issues in an altruistic manner. I find it a beautiful expression of compassion and equanimity.
I am a dreamer who just wants to reach out.
Thank you again for allowing me to express myself and my frustrations. I find the perception here very disheartening at times it literally scares me for future generations. I don't become consumed with negativity, but am not willing to ignore it either.
@Compassionatelistener108
Certainly the issue of refugees can raise some heated opinions.But whatever our views, we can't deny we are all humans, and therefore we deserve equal rights, opportunities and treatment. Sadly that doesn't happen in an awful lot of ways, not just the way we respond to refugees. But I can dream, and it sounds like you do too :)
@DeborahUK
Thank you for helping me find the correct words and letting me know it is okay to express my feelings on the topic. It is a dream and I will always be hopeful (:
@Compassionatelistener108
Again, awesome. Thank you. 💜
@DeborahUK this one is awesome!
@DeborahUK Being a refugee myself I really like this one. :)
@DeborahUK Wow, and here am I tonite reading chapters on perception. I love this one and I'll take it to class ;)
@DeborahUK
while reading the letter picture, it was like going though yesterday again. it was a rough day with waking up from a bad dream w/ harming self that ended in a full day of bad thoughts of sh thoughts but thankfully with support from friends 7cups and my counslor, i was able to see though what felt the worst parts of the day to the ok or better parts.
hope your having a good day too.
I remember where I came from today.
It's complicated.
I was made to burn it all, destroy it, but still some remained, some of my poetry.
I went hunting again today, through all my old documents, from before my second instance of prolonged trauma.
I'm kind of glad I wasn't as thorough. destroying it destroyed me, tore my heart out.
I found some today, beautifully written, content difficult though.
I also found short stories. Bits of my life before I moved out. non-fiction.
I've been reading it, remembering why I left, why I left him, and I feel a sense of pride for surviving it, but its reminded me of what i've lived through and that hurts.
so today is more difficult because i've been reading it, what i lived through. i'm glad that i've found it though.
@Tenacity37 (((HUGE HUGS))) Sometimes it's good to reflect on past trauma. It can help us to see things different and to let go. It can be much like watching the same horror movie over and over, but with that the shocks get dull, the surprises become predictable, and eventually the film becomes boring and even lame. Our Trauma can hurt to look at yes, but it can't harm us again.
I'm here all day if you need to chat. :)
thank you for reminding me to shift perspective a little bit.
This may be an undeseriable and yes, painsful situation to be in....
but I think I maybe making it worse attimes dwelling on it.
@blissedNblessed
Try not to kick yourself for dwelling on it. That can be pretty natural when we're trying to cope with something. Telling ourselves to forget it will tend to have the opposite effect! But do be aware of that tendency to dwell on it, and see if you can reframe it a little. Life's lessons can be hard, but there is learning to be had from them, and that can add to our present and future resilience. But by the same token, it is okay not to be okay. Sometimes we need time to accept events in our life before we try to move on from them. Though again, seeing that from a different perspective may help with the process of coping. This community is here to support you should you ever wish to say more.
@DeborahUK
Thank you for saying it is okay to be not okay.
I am used to being a very positive person no matter what I am dealing it....
and bam! This is thrown in my face again
( i thought i was over it ...i guess i cant just shove it down and call it done)
and half the time i am drowning in it.
I am losing friends over it
i am not participating in life over it.
My life seems to be on hold just to process this and deal .
I am scared i am going crazy
:(
@blissedNblessed
I really hope you're not going crazy, but I think dealing with trauma can feel like a temporary madness. You can completely lose who you are, all the certainties in your life can become uncertainties, you can feel your whole life is turned upside down and it will be impossible to set it right again. I'm not saying any of that to depress you. I'm saying it to acknowledge that feeling is not craziness. And I'm saying it to underline it's not permanent.
I wonder what support you have at the moment? You sound overwhelmed by your feelings, and it's at times like that when support is so invaluable. You say you're losing friends, but have you felt able to ask them for help, or are you locking them out? We often don't like to admit we need help even to ourselves, never mind to those around us. But it really is such an important step towards recovery. Please do what's right for you - look after yourself, and consider allowing others to look after you too.
@DeborahUK
Thank you so much for understanding.
Yes - dealing with all of this is like a temporary madness.
I have lost myself , my grip , and things just seem to get worse and worse.
Then I am losing friends left and right because i ...ugh..im just not me.
( i can't explain but lil me will come out and it just messes everything up)
Or i tell them too much and i push them away afdrerwards out of shame.
I cant find me anymore.
I want my life back.
I don't have much support...
not to devalue the support i do have - I have member and listner friends her on 7 cups, and I have a therapist I see once a week.
That . is. it.
and I have the deep abyss of my mind and that is where i get stuck.
And the flashbacks and thoughts and feelinsg that swirl around in infinity...or moments where I can't even feel my body.
Everything scares me.
I scare me.
I do need help but I have nowhere to go for help.
@blissedNblessed
I see so much in your words that's a reflection of where I was some time ago. I remember I would regularly email a service who were supporting me, just pleading 'when will I get my life back'. Their reassurances that my pain and despair would fade seemed hollow and frankly untrue. But they were right. I've not contacted them for well over twelve months now, because they were right. It got better, and I got better.
I wish I could hasten that process for you. I wish I could make life feel right again with a few simple words. It will come, but for you right now, breathe deeply, try and remain calm, cling on to positivity, and really notice that in your life that's good. Keep your ears and mind open. If your natural reaction when you hear something is 'that doesn't apply to me', think again. Question both what you do believe, and what you don't, (but not to the point of paranoia). Learn to like yourself, or at least stop yourself when the inner critic is in full flow. And know that there are people here who will hold your hand through the darkest of days. We're here, you're not alone.
@DeborahUK
thank you so much.
and it means so much - like a saving grace - toknow that were I am not alone.
thank you,
@DeborahUK thank you I needed this today
@energeticPenny8
I really do hope it helps Penny. It's hard in a community like this when people are at different stages of acceptance and healing. What one person needs to hear may sound trite and unrealistic to another person. So I would encourage you and others to take what helps and leave the rest. I think the important thing to be aware of is you have support here, you're not alone, and many of us have found ourselves stuck in a difficult place not knowing how to cope or move on. That's when I think a shift in perspective can be really beneficial. It's almost like giving yourself a good shakedown and seeing what you're left with. I wish you lots of positive energy :)
I think this can also relate back to mindfullness. The purpose to rip us out of thinking about our trauma and instead look objectively at this present moment and being able to get through each moment as they come. It takes a HUGE perspective switch. This is a great post which is also really challenging because when you're in those depths it is SO HARD to remind yourself that it will get better (either for the first time or again) when it feels like there is no reason for it to get better. And it's also pretty scary when you're doing well because a part of you is dreading that it will spiral again.
At the end of the day we all have to remember that regardless of where we are in our healing journies we are here for each other. Burdens aren't as heavy when we share the load and if one day someone needs a reminder of this hope, then I'm glad this community is here to give that reminder.
Beautifully put @Hoxenos
Thank you :)
if you have a counselor that is strong in ethics and personal boundries you can have a counselor that is willing to be there for you because of their empathy for the human being condition and therefore in a since be there as a friend. Counselors hear your truths from an most intimate level a lot adn as it is here difficult for people to not form bonds, it it just about impossible for a counselor to not form a bond, sooo yes they are therte to work you through probelms, but they are human and have feelings. It is okayto want to feel unconditionally accepted and recognized. if you don't have friends or family to expereience this through then the next safest place is an counselor.
I just need to point out that I do not recommend becoming intoxicated and then trying to do homework. Even if your mother is the one giving you drinks 😜
@BeeLeigh Ya usually not a good idea
@Raveninthelabrynth
I got 11/10 on the quiz I didn't study for. It's all good 😁