Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check In - Sunday September 3rd 2017
Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears ......
......
Nope, it's no good. I wanted to do an intelligent check in, even turned to Shakespeare to help, but it just won't come!
Just know, you want to talk, I'm all ears.
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@Avaray @Shadeshack @BeeLeigh @Faeryschild @dancingRainbow45 @Lavendermoonlight @KLM3278
@sweetMelody95 @jr50 @agreeableKite4304 @PhoenixPatronus @Morfo66 @themainjane @raycascotch
@KatieMoon1 @conscientiousPineapple1782 @Tamba @inventiveOrange1 @Jenna0903 @melliotm @PanamaBanana
@AutumnLeigh @DeborahUK @PuppyLove13 @BradyChay2310 @HearingYourHeart @vriska @TreesandWine
@guyb @chayil @Sharkradio @MKjart @AnnaKateMillerLCSW @Tamba @Celestialvoid @WaterLily16 @Asiam1971 @philosophicalship9444 @Chayil @rumplesteeleskin @Survivetoalive @exuberantTriangle2562 @coraline23 @Lilyflower0817 @caterpillargirl @Survivetoalive @exuberantTriangle2562 @coraline23 @Ivorycat5573 @fearlessPear8268 @themainjane @SemicolonSurvivor @weare1 @weareall1 @Annaka1 @moonchild95 @summernight69
@rationalWillow8882 @AMusicalSilence @catsith @energeticPenny8 @Rebekahwriter13 @behindhazeleyes @sensitiveShade5337
@singercrystalspirit @wittyTree8219 @Ocendade @Rpjrx @Brooke12 @tenacity37 @Autismaunt14 @Raveninthelabrynth
@Axeman53 @kkSp3nc3@22charms @promisemehope @IPreferWinter @Zombii @sereneSoul23 @blissedNblessed
@Softforesthsp77 @AriannaPink
@DeborahUK
I crying a lot today. It's very hard to explain. It basically because of my family. Or the lack of a family even though I have one. I have a father. And he hurt me. And I don't care if I see him??? But then at the same time I do???? But he doesn't care about me? I have not seen him in 3 years now. And I saw he is traveling again. Seeing my siblings. But yet he never wants to see me. I haven't seen my siblings in 3 years to. It's complicated. It hurts so much! My counselor says sometimes family cannot be around eachother. Being hurt is not ok. I know this now. But it just hurts a lot. Maybe i don't miss him? them? But i miss the idea of them? I can't imagine a father who visits and hugs me and cares? Or a big brother who is protective and fun and cares? Today is hard because once again, they all see each other and no one wants to see me or talk to me or know about how my life is? Its honestly like they all died in a big plane crash or something? But whats the alternative? Being hurt? Thats not ok. But that alos means being alone over and over alone. Its hard.
@KLM3278
You are so very brave KLM. It sounds to me like you put yourself first, your worth, your right not to be mistreated. Which is exactly as it should be. But so very hard when it means losing contact with your family over it. When it means being isolated. When it means feeling you're the one who did wrong, whereas the very opposite is true.
And when you've made such a strong and brave decision, of course it's natural to doubt it. To wonder if it could have been different, to wish it had been. To mourn what you lost, and grieve what you never had.
Oh goodness, my heart so goes out to you. It's such a painful situation. But I hope in time you'll doubt your decision less. You'll see that a family who think you should put up with their crap isn't a family worth having. That a father who hurt you but can't express his sorrow over that, is not a proper father. And I hope you can replace them in your life with people you deserve, who love you for you, who respect you, who would fight for you. But I'm truly so sorry for what you've had to come through, and the effect it still has on you. I think you're incredibly brave, and you should be so very proud to be you ❤️
@DeborahUK
Thank you so much. It just feels terrible. My father is hard to put into words. My family has never really been a family. There is a part of me that wonders if this man is really my father. He just seemed to ever care about me. I am a burden and in the way. Something to be punished. Something annoying. I don't know. But thank you. I appreciate you saying what you did.
@KLM3278
I genuinely mean what I say too. If he never cared for you, saw you as a burden, or thought you warranted punishment, then it's him who's in the wrong here. You didn't ask to be born. He chose to father you, and with that come responsibilities. If a parent can't love their child, don't bloody have them!!
Sorry, maybe you've hit my Achilles heel here. But I'm not just churning platitudes out for the sake of it. You deserve far better than that. Please don't ever let someone like that make you question your worth. I'm in awe of you for standing up and effectively saying 'no more, I deserve better'. And you do.
@DeborahUK
Thank you!! That means a lot!
@DeborahUK
Hey again 
. I just returned from a loooonnnggg break from 7Cups. I'm so happy to be back. Life's been crazy and horrible recently
@SemicolonSurvivor
Welcome back dear Survivor ❤️
Life can be horrible at times, good too though at others. But know you're safe here, and cared for. Now, what will it be? A Mellio blanket fort, snuggly Kite hugs, Trees company, KLM poetry. We have it all here and more :)
@DeborahUK
Thank you
so much to choose from... I don't know if I can choose
. I really appreciate it. I've been trying to pick myself up and keep going but I'm just so so tired. I'm done working for my survival. I want to just live. Like other people. To be able to wake up and smile throughout the day and not be fighting every demon for every second of every single day. Its so freaking exhausting and I'm so done with it😞
@SemicolonSurvivor
Oh how I hear that frustration! And it feels so unfair too doesn't it? Other people breeze through life, or so it seems. And you have to battle those demons.
Lots of people have demons though you know? I know it's maybe little comfort, because it doesn't make your demons any less, but it may just make you feel a little less alone?
And you can front up to those demons. See them for what they are. Thoughts, memories, sensations. It's not like having to battle a seven foot opponent, built like the side of a house, an unfair fight. Now I'm not pretending it's a walk in the park either, but you are an able opponent. Believe that. You can beat them. Believe that. It may take time, there'll be ups and downs, but please don't lose the desire to fight back. You have a cheerleading team too. We're a community, and we're right beside you.
And on those days where you just need a break, just need to curl up into a ball and say enough, we're here for that too. So you have the upper hand you see. Those pathetic bullying demons, versus a seasoned survivor like you and the trauma community on 7 cups. Now that's a fight I'd bet on. You have it in the bag!
@DeborahUK
I aint feeling good today something bad happened.. I dont want to say it cause others will think it is childish and I get it..sometimes I act like a child..
I hate myself so much and I know Im useless.. maybe I cant fix things that much and moving on is hard..
@sensitiveShade5337
You sound really down on yourself here Shade, and I'm sorry you feel that way. It can be hard when others try to reassure you of your value, and it can sound insincere. But that's because you're so conditioned to thinking badly of yourself. I can tell you until I'm blue in the face how much you matter, and careful, cos I may just do that! But it won't magically sink in if you're determined not to believe it. I'm just asking for you to open up a little chink here to let others opinions in, and maybe start questioning your own views too.
So hear this, really turn this over in your mind. You're precious as you, uniquely you, and you matter. Now tell me, why do you say you're useless?
@DeborahUK
I do not matter okay? I know I dont and I know how much I dont deserve anything
I'm useless because I cant do anything right..
I fought with my parents today.. My dad was screaming at me I felt so bad and i was literally about to cry but instead I showed my anger I showed how strong i was. I ended up telling my dad that he will never see me again cause I came to a point of feeling of being better not living cause I cant do this anymore.. I left my house for about 3 hours got back, then my dad apologized to me but it was too late as I have already told myself that it was my fault for my dad's reaction..Thats how they made me feel.. Everything is all 'good' now meaning that we talk 'normally' but I'm still hurting inside. And for a strange reason i felt like nothing happened..
I'm scared of peoples reactions and I'm afraid what answers Im gonna get now :(
@sensitiveShade5337
You do matter, Shade. I'm proud of you for sharing as much as you have. I'm sure a lot of us here can relate to that situation. You're not alone, Shade. And you certainly don't have to fear our responses.
@sensitiveShade5337
It's great that you were able to express how you were feeling Shade. Don't ever feel ashamed of doing that. It's okay to not be okay. Your feelings matter - see, I said I wouldn't give up :)
Today I am going to the beach, getting back up again. I cannot force my body to sleep if it will not sleep but I CAN support myself while I am awake with nutrition, exercise, and positive thinking and I CAN continue telling myself that I CAN. Because I can. It's my choice.
today i just...well...i just am not here. cant be.
@niceMoon4358
HUG
@DeborahUK it a cute cate, showed my family, we called batman, it has a batman costume on.
@DeborahUK
One Sentence don't try Just do it changed my life like... Thought still wish could less worry. I feel more confident.
@conscientiousPineapple1782
There's a brand in that isn't there pineapple? Just do it!
Seems the guys from Nike know what they're talking about.
@DeborahUK
Weel I relaze not all was like it seamed but still I win this battle... I almost went wrong path believing in wrong things....But still that advice is not that bad... Feel a bit stressed bcs security what had now is left.. I saed to myself i still can be safe even if don't feel that much...Everything is Just shock but now I am more serteb what I believe in..
I miss you all so much 😭😭😭
@sensitiveShade5337
Hugs Shadey Shade ❤️
@DeborahUK
huggles Miss Deb miss you