Traumatic Experiences Community Daily CheckIn- Thursday 1 2017
Can you share one thing that you have been working on and now can stand up and shout out "I'VE DONE IT!"
If you could plant a garden what would be in there? Like would you plant kindness, forgivness, love etc?
If you could be any flower- desribe what it would be, what color, its smaell, what would its name be?
I know dealing with trauma is so very hard. Allowing yourself to heal is even harder. But it takes a strong person to let themselves grow into a beautiful person each and everyone is. Just like a flower seed. It has to push and push past that hard shell, then figure which way is up or down. Push through all that soil, then one day there you see a tiny baby plant popping through the soil. Turns into such a beautiful flower after all its hard work.
@Avaray @vriska44 @Shadeshack @BeeLeigh @Faeryschild @dancingRainbow45 @Lavendermoonlight @KLM3278 @sujaypai
@sweetMelody95 @jr50 @agreeableKite4304 @PhoenixPatronus @Morfo66 @themainjane @raycascotch
@KatieMoon1 @conscientiousPineapple1782 @Tamba @inventiveOrange1 @Jenna0903 @melliotm @PanamaBanana
@AutumnLeigh @DeborahUK @PuppyLove13 @KristenHR @BradyChay2310 @HearingYourHeart @vriska @TreesandWine
@guyb @chayil @Sharkradio @MKjart @AnnaKateMillerLCSW @Tamba @Celestialvoid @WaterLily16 @TheAsh @MKJart @Asiam1971 @philosophicalship9444 @Chayil @KrinkTheMellowUnicorn
@RumpleSteeleSkin
Welcome Rumple! 🙋And thank you for a lovely first check in post!
@Tamba
Hiya Tamba love your name and thank you for the welcome
@RumpleSteeleSkin
Thank you 😊
Likewise, welcome.
I'm struggling right now, and a bit sick of it to be honest. It wears me down when, just as I start to think I have this in the bag, I realise I don't. Hard to know what to write really. My want is to support people and offer hope, but there are times when things feel so without hope. Just more of the same grappling with the fallout of the past. Groundhog Day.
@BestIcanbe
I seem to live in Groundhog Day too. Welcome 🙂
It's not Thursday here yet, but I'll tell you how my Wednesday went. It started off normally, then I remembered I had to go to the hospital for ANOTHER test. I waited at the hospital for 2 hours for a 2 min test. I continue to be humbled by these experiences, meeting people from all walks of life and all types of health concerns. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by the severity of my own health concerns, sometimes I feel the reality that others have to deal with puts my health in perspective. It all depends on how I am feeling, who I meet and where I'm at in my journey.
I'm not as scared any more. I think the AD medication is helping with that. My anxiety seems to have lessened and I can approach these situations with a certain reserved courage. It's only in that moment when I am placed on the bed, wheeled into a room empty of everything except for machines and doctors waiting for me do I realize that - all at once, this is about me and only me and what lay on the path in front of me - it's then that I stumble and fall, my heart races and I can't remember what to say. Usually, that's when I wish I had someone's hand to hold, but I've sent them all away, because with bravery I have told them; "I'll be okay. I've got this." But, really, I never know how I'm going to feel until that moment I am alone facing my battles like a warrior - I stand tall and sturdy, but really - I just desperately want to fall to my knees and cry. So, I look deep within and I breathe slowly and heavy and I let it go and I remember that I can do difficult things and that I can't have both courage and comfort at the same time, but I have to enter the ring and fight. Each step, small and steady, one at a time....
@KatieMoon1
wow, what a beautiful way to describe how you feel. I can tell one thing about you - You ARE a strong person. Let us know how things are going and best wishes. Whether you feel courageous or not so brave, either way please keep us posted.
@themainjane
The only notion I'd like to challenge (and this goes for myself as well) is the idea that courage and comfort cannot co-exist.
I would like to get to a place where they do co-exist because I think it would be powerful.
anyway, I'm sorry if I came across unfeeling (sometimes I say things awkwardly) it's just that your words did paint a very vivid picture and that picture included a Strong person. Best wishes to you.
@KatieMoon1
I like how you've described the situation! I can imagine your feeling and the situation at the both time very clearly. I think you are so brave and strong because you've fought with your own feeling and the situation.
What I can stand up and say that I did it is that didn't and I'm not abusing my love ones. I heard that the people who were abused (usually during childhood) may likely to abuse others too, so... I'm also scared to have a child in the future because of this.
I would like to plant peace and love in my garden.
I don't know what flower I wanna be, but I kinda wanna be a green plant.
@exuberantTriangle2562
That's a bit of an odd concept isn't it? The abused being more likely to become abusers. From my perspective, knowing the damage it does, why would I ever, EVER, wish to inflict that on another person? But I do kind of identify with your thoughts and fears about parenting. Maybe it's more about not believing in your worth as a potential parent, rather than fear of becoming abusive towards any children you may have. What do you think?
It just strikes me, if you've grown up with messages of how useless or worthless or hateful you are, and those are common messages that survivors are left with, it does start to undermine your confidence in being a good enough adult for a little person. But those messages are old hat aren't they? Time to rewrite them don't you reckon? You're a survivor, and it's taught you ways to NEVER behave. You want a garden of peace and love. That speaks more of the adult you than any of the rubbish messages that make you question your parenting potential.
@DeborahUK
I feel the same way as you do, why would I abuse anyone who I love, knowing how it feels so awful physically and mentally??? but I cant say from my heart that I wont do it in all of my life because Ive never come to the situation wanting to abuse…
The part that youve said Maybe it's more about not believing in your worth as a potential parent, rather than fear of becoming abusive towards any children you may have., I think you maybe are right. Ive never thought of this but was amused by what you have written.
I agree with you, maybe I was thinking too much about what has the old people has said.
@exuberantTriangle2562
Triangle I know about those fears from the past to future. Like the "what ifs" I can only say, one foot in front of each other. Keep going. Make good memories to fade out the bad. Also I love the garden
@RumpleSteeleSkin
Thank you :)
@RumpleSteeleSkin
Thanks. Wish had time to indulge to heal. Things are frenetic and only going to get worse.
Talking and sharing isnt helping. Therapist knows not sleeping and doesnt know how long I can sustain it but had no suggestion except being doped up which not going to do.
Back at work doing full days and no staff. Was seen by occupational health (done automatically here) who said solution is to ask for more staff and take on less work.
Both impossible given no staff to help for at least a month and no possibility of patients not needing treatment or advice.
And the minute i say anything i look like i cant cope. I cant win and i dont know how long this can go on.
@inventiveOrange1
I don't think anyone would take you saying anything to mean you can't cope. You had a tragic loss, and such a short time ago. Grief is different for everyone. Some people laugh their way through, some people get really depressed, some people get angry, everyone grieves differently, and that is normal. However it is that you are grieving, it's normal. Please don't take this out on yourself. You've been through enough as it is. This was not your fault. You did nothing wrong. Have you tried one of the sleepytime teas to help you get some rest? Or just a plain chamomile tea? There are quite a lot of options for sleep assistance that don't require you to be "doped up". If you're having difficulties at work, please tell someone. No one can help you if you don't tell anyone. It's brave to ask for help, even if it feels like it's coming from a weak place. ❤️
@BeeLeigh thanks for your kindness Bee but as i just found out when getting yet more prescribing projects given to.me, saying i needed more staff resulted in them saying another member of staff would have to cancel their leave
I cannot be unfair to anyone else because i cant cope. And I cant let them down.
I will just have to stay back and do what i can and hope the fatigue and walk home will make me sleep.
@inventiveOrange1
I work in a bereavement program, and I so badly wish that I could send you our mailings, add you to our call list, give you our support group information, and even put you down for home visits if you wanted them. Unfortunately I can't do that. I'm sorry I can't offer you more than words on a screen, but I did find this website that will hopefully be able to link you to helpful resources: https://babylosscomfort.com/grief-resources/
I'm pretty new here, so I'll just say hi for now.
@coraline23
Caroline welcone so good to see you here.
@RumpleSteeleSkin
Thank you.
I had things I needed to do today or I would still be in bed. I feel so tired, drained and depressed. It will pass.
@MKJart
Credit to you for surfacing when you feel like that Mary. You keep driving forward, and that's a great strength.
You say the tiredness and lethargy will pass, and I hope your drive will hasten you coming out from under that cloud in double quick time.
@RumpleSteeleSkin
Difficult day here. One of my cats is ill and I had to leave him at the vets for a blood test. Still waiting on further results tonorrow so not sure what's wrong yet.
My anxiety over him ramped up my general anxiety and I had a panic attack in public with my young kids there :-( was awful. It scared them. I then had to try and comfort them while feeling a wreck myself. Made it to their bedtime somehow, and then had a flashback storm.
Feeling very fragile and like I can't cope :-( Being a single parent with no back-up is just so hard when you can barely manage 'adulting' at all.
@Tamba
Tamba wow your words was like reading mine
Having anxiety can really suck at times-doesnt it? And to have out loved ones by makes you feel idk a certain wrong way. Have you thought of sharing with them how things are for you on their level? I did with mine and they loved and shown me patience more. And yes being a single parent...well idk the right words to share here. I wanted to let you know as well my PMs are open for you if you like to chat some time.
Stay strong and keep sharing with us here how things are
@RumpleSteeleSkin
Thank you!
I'm sorry my words resonated with you - I wish you didn't know how this feels :-(
@Tamba
Oh no! I am so so sorry! I have cats to and I love them a lot!!! I understand how you're feeling!!! Hug!!!!!!!
Today was decent. I got a lot done, but I left earlier than I normally would have because I needed a nap. I'll stay late next week. I'm tired. I'm tired of being in pain. I need them to have an answer when I go to the doctor tomorrow. This is too much.
@BeeLeigh
Good luck tomorrow, I hope you'll get your answers and I hope things will get better for you soon.
@hereigoagain ❤️
I'm sleeping awfully little these days but I'm still feeling surprisingly good. Now that I don't have any close relationships, I'm out of Vicious Emotional Flashback Cycle Hell and feeling so much calmer. Sticking to more superficial/casual contacts seems pathetic but I guess it may be the smart thing to do until I've finally gotten a good deal of therapy and managed to fix my issues. I'm doing nice things with nice people and feeling connected and cared about enough to be quite alright for now.
@hereigoagain
I'm so glad you're doing so well!! I knew you had it in you ❤️
@BeeLeigh and you contributed with your loads of kind support
@hereigoagain
Nah, it was all you 🙂
@BeeLeigh
Not true, I really needed others to be there and care so I could start caring myself again. I wouldn't be where I am now without awesome people like you
...but how are you today? Have you been to the doctor's?
@hereigoagain
I did go to the doctor. I had an ultrasound today, and my follow up is Wednesday. So I'm doing my own test on the only thing I control. I'm not taking any pills for a few days to see if maybe I'm just taking too much of something. I've done this before, and I've done it with other things, like food, and it's usually pretty easy to figure out. I may need to continue taking my stomach pill, but unless it starts to hurt really bad I'm gonna try to not take it. It caused problems when I was taking it in a higher dose, and I've tried to stop taking it before but it didn't go well. So, maybe I'll be stopping everything except that one. Kinda bad timing cuz I also have a finance test today, but oh well🤷🏼♀️
@hereigoagain
You're very kind to say that🙂