Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-in Friday October 13, 2017
Hi Everyone,
Welcome to today! I hope that no matter where you are, you will have a good day/night.
What do you have on your mind today?
Is there anything positive today?
What are you struggling with today?
Please join me for a time to touch base.
KristenHR
Hi!
My daily check in:
I have struggeled the past few days with very negative thoughts about being so tired of feeling hurt or in pain or having to deal with memories or hating myself ...but in such deress I start to think if it is worth even staying around anymore - of course it is - and I will ....just these thoughts eat me up alive and baltteling them feel like life and.....
Morning and easier for me than nights or afternoong or when I am home alone.I am hoping I will have an okay day at least. The nighttime is a different story.
...but good news - i did do the journaling I thought i would not be able to do. Putting it away for now, but will go back to it.
Today, on my mind - is wondering who " I " really am - what is " me".
And can I really heal from years of trauma when I have not been able to do so before?
Of course there is something positive for today - I am volunteering today....this takes me out of my own head and forcses me to put another first ( besides work of course). It is also my last free day before work . . . I plan on doing a few things to enjoy myself.
Today ,, I am struggeling with just accepting the reality that trauma happened tome nd it is like yesterday and it has taken away who I could have been , should have been and living my life whole and freely.
I am also bothered by the general lack of empathy and understanding from listeners about this subject - I feel I dont have a lot of choices of who to go to to talk :(
I have my woneferul listeners - but i do not want to vreate burn out for them - and I am at a loss who who to talk to in about any of this :(
I feel alone.
@blissedNblessed
I'm so glad to hear that you did your journaling. Do so good about that? Do you enjoy your volunteer work? I know I volunteered over most of my life as a coping skill to help me get outside of my head too. Sometimes just to keep hanging on in the past.
We talk about struggling with listeners dealing here or in life offline?
How're you doing with acceptance? And I'm a horrible time with accepting what happened again a lot to what you've said today from my own past experience. What do you think you will look like acceptance I mean?
Thanks for some thinking that you've prompted me to do as well. I find growth both challenging and difficult yet rewarding and invigorating. Thanks for being here and thanks for sharing your heart and was going on.
@KristenHR im kind of feeling a bit weird today i slept in someones house i didnt know, my brother got there later in the night but most of the time i was there with just me and there little baby, luckily we are going back home today but its strange to be in a house you dont know and then watch there baby..didnt sleep much last nite
@KristenHR
Thanks - I am really happy I got the journaling done too.
I have a new journaling entry to do too...but this is hard hard hard , so I am putting it off for a while
I DO enjoy my voluneteer work :) It helps to get me out of my head, yes, for sure.
And my job is a sompanion for the elderly - so that halps me get out of my head too.
And I am sturggeling with listners on here dealing with this :( And I am just not sure who to turn to when I need it at like, last minute :(
I do have to say I have a few really great great lsitenets and I am so thankful...but I feel like a burdon always plopping my stuff on them .
And outside of 7 cups - the only person I can talk to is my 1x a week therapist - but she is gone for some time on vacation :(
I accept what happened - I do not accept the fact that my personality is like, fragmented because of it - this is NoT fair and NOT okay and why should I be the one to suffer while THEY get away with it, always and forever?
I guess, acceotence would mean, just that: accepting things as they are, without labeling or judging them, and then being able to change them? But then again, saying being able to change them denotes that I am Not accepting them.
Gonna answer everything backwards, don't mind me.
What are you struggling with today?
I got a trauma memory back earlier and I saw someone from my past today too. It was... not good.
Is there anything positive today?
A prof was nice to me, I was able to stim in class, and my last class (started and) ended earlier than usual so I was able to go home earlier
What do you have on your mind today?
Trauma stuff but also good stuff like: It's the weekend now and I'm gonna watch The Little Murders of Agatha Christie tonight! Yay! c:
@archerzvy
Answer the questions in any way that you feel comfortable! There still there and it's what's comfortable for you this important. I'm pleased to hear a professor was nice to you And that you got to go home early. What nice treats.
How are you able to handle seeing someone from your past and your trauma memory today? To have any support system to help you with this? I'm so glad you're posting here in sharing.
It sounds like you're going to have a great weekend. Is this a movie you plan to watch? Or more like a series? I've not heard of it so I'm kinda clueless. I don't watch many movies or TV at all. The ones I do watch tend to be on youtube.
@KristenHR It's hard to deal with it. I got another flashback last night because of something my mom said too. I told a friend about them because I had to get it out of my system but I don't really have a support system
It's a series! I don't watch TV much either but I really like this one. I watch it with my family every Friday night
what's on my mind today?
my healing journey...i fear i have started out trying to do too much too fast. In the last two weeks i have started taking classes for various coping skills, joined 2 support sites, set up a person to check in with daily, meditation, exercise, deep breathing, positive affirmations, art therapy, going for social times, and have been working on getting a therapist. 2 weeks ago I was doing nothing and had been at that point for a long time. I think I need to go back and maybe add one new thing at a time until i am comfortable with the changes.
something positive
the therapist i have been struggling with being able to see said she would work with me however she can, since transportation is an issue. (She is in the next town and i don't drive)
struggles
trying to understand my disorder and how i can help myself get better. DID is such a complex subject to me and i know i have been my own worst enemy at times. My symptoms have gotten much worse for lack of effort over the years. I couldn't find help, so i just gave up and let things go however they did. I am dealing with realizing how weak i have been...my lack of determination...and how bad it had gotten because of it. I am trying to stay positive but sometimes it is just too much.
@TeenyTinyAppy
The sound very motivated to move your life forward with healing. That's very exciting to hear. I would encourage you to listen to what you're thinking about maybe taking on too much or slowing back down some and as you get used to one adding another. You sound very wise and that thinking. And really glad Your therapist is helping you work with you since transportation is an issue
I understand when you haven't had helped for so long that things can get worse. I'm glad you're holding on. The ad has lots of hope for recovery. It's nothing you ask for, it sure brains way of being awesome to protect you from what you've been through. Even though it may not be awesome now because it's not needed like it was then. But as part of your life and it sounds like you're learning how to deal with that. Keep holding on. You can get through this what you've been through, and you can heal some that you're not in various are triggered like you were in being more comfortable with and you. So glad you posted today.
@KristenHR
Mind
Well, I've got a lot of random stuff on my mind today. Yesterday was my psych appointment. Covered some of the more traumatizing things from my past. Apparently, I hadn't told them yet. I guess once you see as many therapists as I have you tend to forget who you've told what. Not to mention signing release forms for my psych to speak with marriage counselors about my situation since I want them to know what's going on from a third party. That this will be a situation where things won't be easily "fixed". Because I know some people wouldn't want to deal with that. Wonder how things are going on my psych's end of things?
Positive
Getting through my school work and my financial stuff in order for this year. Yay! I have enough progress where I won't be getting a warning and all that. I still have a month and a half to finish this next class. Which I should pretty easily be able to do. However, I need to honor myself by taking a self-care day today. My psych suggested as much after we spoke about yesterday. Will go outside while it's still sunny and breathe in some fresh fall air. <3
Struggle
I keep pushing things away or back. In my session last night I held back my tears. When I got back and was getting ready for bed I cried a single tear in silence. This marriage counseling thing scares me because while I do want to communicate and have someone he has to discuss his actions with...I'm afraid of being exposed and having him be even more harmful. It's his choice, but right now things are messed up. Bringing up stuff to my psych I realize how much of his BS and thoughts make hardly any sense. Blaming on others is the only thing. It's pretty damn scary. There's a method to my "madness" and how I think the way I do. It's like he's learning words but not knowing their meaning or context and trying to speak a foreign language. When I come on here and deal with people it amazes me how understanding they can be. Like the words have meaning and context, have weight. Meanwhile, there needs to be a focus on embracing and accepting these emotions when I'm safe and alone. Because working through them and not around them is what's gonna get me out of this situation.
@CaloenasNicobarica
You are so wise in your posting. Working through things is the way to get through and to make changes and differences in our lives. And of acts incredibly hard have been there myself in different shoes. Taking a selfcare day to-day sounds wonderful I'm glad you doing that. I hope you'll let us know how it went.
With everything on your plate that sounds like you do have some support through your professionals. I hope you find in them to be incredibly helpful as they have you in the best mind and your interests in the best minds of their work. I'm sure you'll sort out being able to share with them what they need to know even though you've shared with others perhaps different things that you haven't shared with them. You'll do what needs to be done and you'll figure that out I believe that.
@KristenHR
Thank you for your kind words, Kristen. :)
I'm lucky to have them and to have you and the folks of 7cups for being there. Self-care is so important! I keep on trying to work on stuff today but sometimes you've gotta force yourself to chill and spend some me-time. Well, me anyway! Here's to self-care!
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@melliotm
Thanks for the tag list
Overwhelming day in general. Slowly grounding and soothing myself as best I can after having to deal with a doctor's appointment, grocery shopping, and a visit from the landlord. All of which has tipped over my stress cup. So yeah. Full blanket fort action is required. 🙃⛺❤️Still don't feel entirely present and accounted for, but slowly getting there.
@melliotm
I'm glad you have your fort. And I'm glad you sharing some of the stress and know that you can share with us anything you need to. Inside are so overwhelmed and I'm sending one thoughts that you'll quickly moved into a place of release and peace.
@KristenHR Thank you ❤️❤️ slowly getting there. Trying to allow the feelings to be what they are, and to be with the feelings, until they pass. Patience and self compassion. Even if it feels otherwise, I am safe.
@KristenHR
hi
@sensitiveShade5337
So good to see you. How are you?
@KristenHR
not so good lately..
@sensitiveShade5337
Sorry to hear you not doing so well. Difficult times are just tough to get through. Please hang in there and hang on. One small step forward each step is you get your balance take another one. And in the meantime it's OK to be how you are right now.
@KristenHR
i haven't been eating properly, I can't sleep and I feel a bit sad :( well I'm just pressuring myself
I've had a good day. Did well on regulating my activities and my energy and anxiety throughout the day. I'm proud of myself for being able to get this much done in a day.
@Zeraphim
Congratulations and good for you! Way to go.
Today was a productive day. I planned to work a little bit on journaling and other creative ways of processing the feelings surrounding this anniversary date. The knowledge, acceptance and feelings tend to be a little disparate. They are coming together though. A couple of positive things are occurring. I am beginning to understand the cycles and how they impact my perspective. At. least I can anticipate and prepare for some things. I am staying in touch more frequently with friends as well. It is a difficult time with the same types of issues, but my barrage of coping techniques (really options) does make a big difference. Now if I can just get a little sleep so I don't ramble. Good night all. I hope you are doing okay.
@Compassionatelistener108
Good to hear from you and you're putting together coping skills for the anniversary date. I hope you rest well and sleep very healing sleep
I was told today by someone I trust - or thought/think I trust that I might be suffering or did recently suffer from some form of psychosis?
I know trauma forum is not about this but please could someone who knows about this put my mind at rest?
Its kind a can get miserable. Once before a psychiatrist told me I was having a psychotic break. Similar things as now so that heightens my concern.
I dont know what I need but I just want to know what is wrong with me or if anything is.
The last time that happened with the psychiatrist I was so despairing I wasnt sure which way to turn.
I fought my self. I fought that persecutory and mistrustful confused thing.
I dont want to feel that way again.
I have not fully bought in that is what happened. But something is off. At the very least Im experiencing some type of anxiety.
Im doing the opposite of what Ive done in the past which is hide in shame.
im not ashamed at the moment. I just want to know what is going on with me.
No listeners available online for this topic. Im probably making too big a deal out of it. Just some weird anomaly. Story of my life.
Ill say whats going on just to spite it with my logic. I fear I am being watched. I covered the mirrors. Difficulty sleeping. Occasional audiotory things. Last time I thought some very odd things. I dont mind some of the sounds etc but when I become very wired and it wont stop and I cant sleep then I mind.
Someone please. Or I suppose Ill have to wait.
Im not experiencing it right now but its still coming in aftershocks?
