Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-in: Monday September 17th
Happy Monday Trauma Community!
As we enter into a new week, I hope you are feeling rested and ready to take on whatever comes your way. As always, extra support is here if you need it.
In case you missed yesterday's check-in, we talked about framing how we feel in terms of colors instead of using the 1-10 scale. Has your feeling color changed since yesterday? If so, what color are you feeling today?
For today, I want to highlight a post made by @summertimesamness that I really enjoyed about Your Personal Bubble and defining your 'Bubble Space.' Take a look at the post here.
How does defining our personal Bubble Space help us to feel safe?
Is it just physical space or is it a mental Bubble Space too?
What do you think?
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@melliotm
ty mellio <3
@melliotm
Hey mellio ☺️
@singercrystalspirit Hi Singer! How are you doing? ⛺❤️
@Kate
Hi Kate.
Occording to my sleep tracker I slept 19 min last night. That sounds about right. I'm tired right now.
I've thought about the color that describes how I'm feeling today. I'm going with violet. The darkness and the void and the burises are still there. There is also a little bit of hope that maybe there are people who care and who can be trusted.
How does defining our personal Bubble Space help us to feel safe?
It reminds me that it's okay to protect myself.
Is it just physical space or is it a mental Bubble Space too?
To me my bubble is both. A boundary that defines what is okay for me and what is not.
@practicalIdeal2007 - Your description of the color your feeling is really lovely - both sharing the pain that's there, but also the hope that remains. And I really like that your bubble also has both sides - defining what is okay and what is not for you.
@practicalIdeal2007
love that your bubble is a boundary for you and that you are having a glimpse of hope.
@practicalIdeal2007
@summertimeSamness
I can't tell you how much that means to me today.
@practicalIdeal2007
Yayyy! I hope the rest of your day is going okie & hopefully you sleep better tonight! How you you feeling now?
@summertimeSamness
I am hoping for sleep tonight as well. Right now I am feeling tired and scared.
@practicalIdeal2007
Do you know what's making the scared feelings pop up or is it just random scared feelings?
@summertimeSamness
I'm scared of what is going to happen next. If I'm going to make the right decisions. If I'll be able to pick myself up now that I've fallen so far or maybe it's too late.
@practicalIdeal2007
Your fears are valid and it's okie to be scared. I promise it's never too late and sometimes we make wrong choices but each fall, is a chance for a fresh start! "A calm sea never made a skilled sailor" <3<3<3
I
@lightVillage54 - I'm sorry you're feeling so much pain today, but I'm proud of you for not faking a smile here and being open with us. Do you want to talk about what's causing that pain, or does that feel like too much right now?
@Anomalia too much :( sorry
@lightVillage54
It's hard to know what to say when someone is in pain, because we are all unique in our experiences and so I don't want to say something unhelpful. I guess all I can sincerely say is that I'm sorry you are in pain and that I hope it gets better for you soon. If it's too hard to hope for right now perhaps we can hold the hope till it feels safe for you to hold it?
@LifeIsMyCanvas Im tired..of fighting
@lightVillage54
*sending some supportive vibes your way*
@summertimeSamness thank u x
I don't have a bubble space, My space is all ways invaded so what's the point. When trying to tell others they are crossing over the line it winds up very EXPLOSIVE so I choose not to go there.
@scarletPear1945 - I'm sorry that people have ignored your boundaries and crossed into your bubble - that's not okay for them to do, but I know it can be hard sometimes to make people respect those lines. To make sure that we're not crossing your boundaries, is there any boundary that we should know about?
@Anomalia
I don't have any known boundaries
@scarletPear1945
Are there some that you would like to have? and if so, is there any way we can support you in that?
@LifeIsMyCanvas
Yes but I have no clue of they should be.
@scarletPear1945
Here's some examples of mine:
- please don't touch my personal belongings without permission
- please ask permission before trying to give me a hug in real life
- another one is please don't talk to me when I am mad in real life, if I go into my room because it's because i want space
- I don't like my family to ask what i talked about in therapy after my appointment so i ask them to please not ask me that question
I think it helps to think of your life as a type of soccer game. What's in bounds for you, what's out of bounds for you? Also what rules would you want in your life so other people know how to play your boundaries game?
For me, it helps if I think of things I like and also things I don't like that way i can practice saying them to people. Boundaries can change too so maybe you didn't like something but now you are okie with it or maybe there's a new one you want to add to your list. When you figure out yourself you just keep adding to your personal boundaries list. I'm not sure if I made sense or not, i hope it did.
@Kate says As always, extra support is here if you need it.
I need it. Extra support from Trauma Support peoples. Sil vous plait! ~ Platy
@Kate @Laura @ trauma support leaders @trauma support members ---- @ everyone who reads this.
@cyanPlatypus6370
Hey Platy, I'm here. I'm not sure what you need right now, but I'm right here.
@practicalIdeal2007 - Thank you so! Your sweet reply has me nearly in tears (no worries, that's probably a good thing).
It feels very alone in this particular emotional state + at home + no other people. Thank you for the reminder that even though it feels so lonely, reality is that I am truly not alone. (And kisses from SFO help too.) I love you so much, my dear SFO!!!
If you are so inclined ... Prayers of healing for my papa, please. Prayers of emotional health and healing for my mom. Prayers of remember take care of self and set boundaries in midst of care-taking for me ... would be much appreciated. Thank you, ideal. ~ Platy
P.S. What do we call you? cuz you know typing out the full practicalIdeal2007 is just long. Like most of our usernames :) except for @Moj and @Nenz <3 and tag @Anomalia oh and @rozie you have a good short name too :) Sending hugs to all of you!! <3
@cyanPlatypus6370
I'm not sure my prayers are heard, but since you asked I will pray for those things for you.
You can call me Ideal. It is a rather long name to type out. I should have thought that out better.
You really truly aren't alone.
@cyanPlatypus6370
Sending supportive prayers, healing prayers to your papa and many hugs if you would like them. You are very much loved Platy 
@cyanPlatypus6370
Sitting down together with you, Platy. You are not alone
Dear fromSara, I think your post lends me to cry most of all, but that is in large part because how you said is nearly exactly what I might ask for.
For someone to just sit w me, or put arm around me, yup .... and hugs. I'm severely lacking in the # of Hugs per Day category. Puppy hugs are just not quite what's most needed right now (very sad smile). I think I'll go and 'turtle' now .... or does it go 'turtling' .... go to dark place, with seventeen blankets, bury self in blankets, cry until fall asleep. Well that's how turtle-ing would go for me, just now anyway. ~ Platy
@LoveFromSara @Kate @Moj @Korsbarella - dear I miss you so! @kindDay4067 - thinking of you, dear <3
@cyanPlatypus6370
@cyanPlatypus6370
Ill sit with you any time, Platy. You are not alone, there is support and love for you as well, because you are worth it.
Sitting down with you, handing you some blankets and offering a warm safe hug
@LoveFromSara - Thank you muchly, dear Sara. Talk soon? ~ Platy
@cyanPlatypus6370
You are very much welcome, Platy. Im around if needed, though I might have some delay. Hope you are feeling a bit better, remember you are not alone.
@cyanPlatypus6370
sending hugs and love your way 💖
@cyanPlatypus6370
I think I need help, but just don't know how to start, nor do I know what I need.
My whole life has been focused on everyone else's needs. Bible teaching through the church.
I am in an unstable mindset. Don't want to ruin other people with my stuff. I don't have family or friends to bounce stuff off of.
I live in the country and no one associates with each other. That is one of the reasons I decided to not leave 7cups. The last 2 Therapist here were just not for me and I have not had success with the Professionals. Not going that route anymore. So I work on me by online means. I am more slower to open up after being traumatized by that one Therapist.
@cyanPlatypus6370
Hope your day is getting a little bit better and I hope you got some extra support!
@summertimeSamness - Thank you Sam. I could use a pocket penguin. My SFO is very amazing, but he cannot fit in my pockets.
I finally decided to call someone(s) for help today. Two were only voicemail, which I knew they would be. One was our local helpline (aka stranger). And lastly I called my/our family friend who we know from my church. I didn't really mean to tell her so much of what is going on for me this weekend, but I hope it is working itself out somehow.
I'm really tired. But my body is in defense or run mode (fight or flight). Earlier I think I could have run a 10K (I am SO not a runner), just from all the kinetic energy being stored in my body :P My usual activities for "How to Lessen Anxiety" are not working today.
Also for all you who commented - thank you so much! I still can't feel online hugs, but virtual "I care about you" is coming through clearly. Thanks for caring, even when you don't know all of what's going on. <3 Platy
@cyanPlatypus6370 - Really proud of you for calling someone and letting them know what's going on. There is a lot of love for Platy through this site, but you deserve that in person (or at least on the phone and closer proximity) care and support, too, and I'm glad you're being brave and reaching out for it
@cyanPlatypus6370 hugs platy!!
I guess i dont have much of a bubble. Or maybe i do, but i just get too scared to tell people when theyve crossed into it? I think too many people have disregarded it anyways, whats the point in saying anything. If the boundaries of my bubble are things that make me uncomfortable, then really any physical contact does. I wish people would just not touch me. Its not comforting or safe or any of those things. Its an invasion, and it usually makes me panic. But im never brave enough to say stop. Never was. Its my own fault really.
@Npepsicola
I don't think it's your fault, but I can understand how you might think or feel that way. I am sorry people disrespect your personal space bubbles. I don't like to be touched either. Boundaries are a skill and it takes alot of practice to master it so everyone starts in different places. It can also be harder to say a boundary to one person who is scarier to you than someone who is safer and more kind. Sometimes I practice saying a boundary in the mirror. It's alos important to remind yourself that your needs matter so your boundaries matter even if other people have meanly broken them, your boundaries will always matter. It can feel like they don't when people break them but it's their fault for not respecting your space, it's never your fault <3<3<3
What things might help you feel safer to find your voice to communicate your boundaries to other people?
@summertimeSamness
That makes a lot of sense, thank you. I guess I dont really know what a boundary would even be, or how i would even communicate that. I spend a lot of time being uncomfortable when i cant voice where that bubble is. Im not sure if I even know to be honest. I set boundaries for other people though. Im protective of people i care about, and if someone doesnt respect those boundaries, i get angry. But its not the same with myself. I see having boundaries as being unsafe, like its giving people a line to cross. If theres no line then its not that people dont respect my boundaries, its just that i dont have any. And that feels more safe for some reason. Idk. Is that crazy?
@Npepsicola
Definitely not crazy! Your feelings & concerns about boundaries makes sense to me and your feelings are always valid (even if a pesky inner critic in your head tries to lie and tell you otherwise) Lemme see if I think I understand you correctly, your fear of boundaries might be because it shows vulernability to over people? Like if i say a boundary outloud, then people can use that vulernability against you maybe? (i personally struggle with showing vulernability) Do you think maybe that's it? A sense of always having to be strong for other people because you care so much about your loved ones but maybe you need someone to be strong and protect you <3 <3 Do you think people in your life who are safe would respect your boundaries if you told them some example ones? Could you try practicing with them? You could even let them know like "Hey could i practice saying a boundary to you so that I can work on being assertive when I have to say it to someone else?" Do you think you have trusted people who would support you through that? It's okie it you don't, sometimes practicing boundaries on here can even help too. It's okie to not know what your boundaries are. Sometimes observing other people's boundaries helps me create my own. Like I chat alot with anomalia and I know she tries to set self-care boundaries for herself so then I started to think about what are my personal self-care boundaries? Before that I didn't use to think so much about it but it helps me to learn from other people. I also think learning that you matter and that your needs matter is super important. It's hard to say your boundaries if you're struggling with feelings of low self-worth. So sometimes there's days where it's easier to be assertive and sometimes days where it's hard for me especially on low self-worth days. I think it's all about the journey and process of finding yourself though and small victories and small steps everyday. I hope you can always find support here on 7cups because you deserve to be supported (on 7cups & in real life) on your recovery journey! Proud of you for sharing about your thoughts & feelings!
@summertimeSamness
There are certain people who its especially hard to set boundaries with. I think i have a hard time with family and with men in general. I tend to just be a door mat for those people. I do agree too that without any self worth its a challenge to set any boundaries at all, you have to value yourself enough to make people respect your bubble. Maybe thats where i need to start.
@Kate
*Trigger Warning*
I didnt evaluate on why I was feeling the colors that Id chosen!
Im still feeling red, yellow, black, blue, and purple today. They are all splashes (some bigger than others). Im feeling this was because of life, family, self harming , suicidal/ suicidal ideations, depressed, insecurity, abusing, stressed, frustrated, just not doing well. Not in a crisis just yet!
I dont have a personal bubble space; although, I need to create one someday! I have a hard time setting boundaries, so I think I would create both a physical and a mental space!
@fairmindedFriend3493
Heya! I love your description of your colors! Sorry you're going through a difficult day today! *sending supportive vibes your way* How are you feeling now? Do you have any self-care activites that help you when you feel like this? It's okie to not have a bubble space we can brainstorm some boundaries ideas if you would like <3<3
@summertimeSamness
Thanks, I
@Kate
New here.
Color for today: dark blue. Felt overwhelming sadness today. Blue is also a calming color for me so even though I felt super sad, I was calm, if that makes any sense.
I teach my students about personal bubbles all the time. I think they are both a mix of physical bubbles and mental bubbles. I don't like people invading my physical bubble and I try to respect other peoples spaces. But I also don't like it when people and their actions or words take up so much space in my head. I try hard to keep those intrusive thoughts out but its far more difficult than imposing limits with physical boundaries.
@Chris29
Welcome to 7cups and welcome to the trauma support community! I'm not a trauma community leader but just trying to be a friendly face in the community. It makes sense, the color blue can represent sadness & calming to me as well! Do you know whats brining out those feelings today? It's okie to not know sometimes feelings just happen. That's awesome that you teach about bubble space. That's a really cool point you brought up about how someone's comments can invade mental bubble space. Comments can trigger really bad thought spirals for me. Thanks for bringing that topic up! Do you have any strategies that help you when someone's voice is occupting your head space? I like the strategy of being firm and yelling back at the negative thoughts. It helps me find my own inner voice among the noise of the negative thoughts
*sending you a supportive tea cup*
Hey there, @summertimeSamness
Thank you for the thoughful reply!
Comments definitely trigger spirals for me. Most of the time I can talk myself down by reminding myself of whats a fact and whats being made up in my mind. I actually have never thought about yelling back at the negative thoughts. I do so much working on finding my inner voice, the true "self" and it would be nice to know what she thinks sometimes. I may have to try that one out! :)
@Chris29 -- Hi Chris! Welcome. It's good to have you here! 7cups is an amazing small-ish part of the internet :) Thank you again, @Kate and all admin team for helping this dream become a reality.
Good job at picking one color there, Chris! Did you see mine? (my answer for the colors is on yesterday I think, Sept 16) haha, very different eh?
Anyway, I just wanted to say hi and Welcome :) Have a good night! (or day, depending on where you live) ~ Platy
@GlenM @Laura @Kate @heather225 @heather @Iara @KrinktheMellowUnicorn (and I always manage to forget a few of you - you too!)
@cyanPlatypus6370 - awwwww
Current color midnight black, or that weird color when you mix all of the colors together: I'm that tired and blah.
I can't do bubbles as I have a full stone walled fortress up.
@Rebekahwriter13 - I hope that you've been able to get a little rest since posting this. As for your stone fortress - what does it keep out for you? Are there things that you wish you could let inside those walls? Maybe with time you could build a drawbridge that you could let down so someone can come inside, but still pull back up when you need that full wall.
@Anomalia
As for your stone fortress - what does it keep out for you? Mean people, people that used me, walk over me, hurt me.
Are there things that you wish you could let inside those walls? Friends
I keep telling my family to leave my stuff alone but they keep doing it. I am about ready to start putting them out of my house but they have nowhere to go. Not only things in my room but all over the house they use up our stuff and rarely ever replace or buy their own and they both work. My husband is silent during all this and I have to try to keep order in the house but it's not working for me at all.