Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-in Thursday 17th August 2017
Greetings to you all!
Seems like time for a little more from our favourite bear Winnie the Pooh and his little friend Piglet.
"I don't feel very much like Pooh today," said Pooh. "There, there," said Piglet. "I'll bring you tea and honey till you do."
Thinking of the tough days when like" Pooh" we don't feel too good. Suggest that's when we need at least one "Piglet"alongside and preferably more.But first we need to let our "Piglet" know and that can be difficult. We may be afraid to ask, or we may feel too ashamed. That we don't deserve this. Shame disconnects us from others and teaches us to be alone. Just when we need comfort and support.
BUT as Mellio wrote in the Trauma Support feed... "Never be afraid to ask for support and comfort when you need it in those moments where self-compassion and acceptance are impossible to find.Despite all the stubborn feelings to the contrary you truly deserve it."
How is your day going? Do you need to reach out to a "piglet" for comfort and support? What would you tell someone who is struggling with asking for support? Do pop in to say hi! Love to hear from you... this is your space and a safe place. ( lots of "piglets" here with us) x
Hi, I'm new here. Somehow this post seems to be particularly appropriate for me today.
The background: I have PTSD from traumatic experiences in an abusive marriage. I'm out and safe now, and have also had some therapy. But I was triggered a few days ago and have been struggling since then.
I spoke to my boss who immediately told me I could take time off, which was very helpful. I'm back at work today, and I finally summoned up the courage to speak to HR about my PTSD. I can't believe how supportive they were! She (HR Head) said that I can have time off whenever I need it and she'll ensure I don't lose any pay because of it. She also said she'll arrange for me to work from home on days I don't feel up to coming in.
I was so scared of asking for help, of being seen as a 'burden', but once I did, I just got so much support.
@BitterChocolate24
A warm welcome to you!.. we are glad to have you here with us.
Agree this does seem relevant to you Its good that you overcame being scared and found the courage to speak up. And what a great response and ongoing support you have been given. Its likely to make such a difference as you recover, giving you space when needed. Thank you for sharing this with us. x
@BitterChocolate24
Thank you for sharing. I'm trying to understand the relationship I'm in and I'm curious as to what made your relationship abusive. I understand if you do not wish to share but if you ever do decide to share I would really like to know.
Also, I am glad you found so much support at work - seems your value there has not gone unnoticed.
@themainjane
Thank you for your reply and supportive words.
I don't mind sharing about my relationship, but I also don't want to give any graphic descriptions in public in case I trigger someone. So I'll try to describe things as generically as possible. Looking back, the thing that stands out the most for me about my relationship is that I was always scared. There were good days, when I was just a bit on edge, cautious because I didn't want to 'making him angry'. Then there were bad days, when I'd be absolutely terrified, physically afraid of him. And of course, everything in between. When I left, I remember waking up every morning with this overwhelming sense of relief. I didn't have to be scared all the time any more! I was still afraid of him coming after me, but fear was no longer the constant background to my life.
I hope this helps. As I said, I'm new here, so I don't know if there is a PM option. If there is, please feel free to PM me and I'd be happy to help in whatever way I can.
@BitterChocolate24
sorry I've taken so long to reply. I've really cut back my time at 7 cups.
it sounds like you've come a long way to climb out of a bad relationship and the effects it had on you.
I wish you continued success. I'm glad you realized that it's not okay, you don't have to settle and that no one should have to live in fear.
I'm still amazed by the response you had at work- I'm glad it was supportive.
As far as pm goes, I think at least one of the parties has to be a Listener.
@BitterChocolate24
Welcome to the community :) We're so happy to have you here! I read your post and it touched my heart that although you had a rough past you got out of that abusive relationship, and seeked help even though it was probably the most scariest thing ever! And then recently you had a trigger (from the trauma) you seeked help again and got a lot of support, also you're able to have your job, not worry about loss of pay, and are able to work from home on days you can't come in... That's really admirable! I wish the best for you, and sending lots of love from our whole community :)
Xxxx Arianna
its been a heck of a day.
it's a bit complicated. i woke up feeling worthless and despondent because in april i sent my dad (aka narc) an email saying that i wasnt going to go and see them until my older brothers birthday which is next week. so when mum was in hospital and narc was there when i called he said to me that they weren't doing anything, which is rubbish, they always do something. so he lied to me.
it was like a slap in the face that he doesn't want to be a part of my life and he doesnt want me to be a part of his. it's like now that he can't rape me or abuse me anymore that i'm of no use to him and he's not going to bother. that all i was good for was sex.
so pretty much trying to process these feelings
@rozie
idk how im feeling and the last 3 days have been so bad.. but hi
@sensitiveShade5337
Hi Shade its okay. So sorry to hear the last 3 days have been bad... know its not easy for you and we are here with you. Most of all glad that you popped in to say hi. x
I probably should have asked this while I was actually in Europe. It may have made more sense to ask then. But, seriously, why do you guys like *not* cook pork?? Bacon in all European countries I've been to is basically chewy hunks of pork fat. Whyyyyy??
I've been thinking about something for awhile and it leaves me a bit conflicted: I don't think trauma is a good fit for me. There was a time (or times) in my life when I was lost in a few traumatic events. But those days are long gone. I don't struggle with nightmares or flashbacks, etc. I very rarely startle probably not more than the average person. Trauma does not consume me. Something else does but I'm not sure what it is but it's not this. Maybe it's just the effects of a lifetime of depression.
I care for those I've grown close to here. But I feel I do us all a disservice by staying here. There are feelings and traumas I'll never understand and I don't want to disrespect anyone because I don't get it.
@rozie
My day isn't going that great 
that's a really inspirational message from Mellio though, and a great quote that goes along with it. I could really use a "piglet" today
I've just been so angry at myself recently and it's really messing with me
@SemicolonSurvivor
@SemicolonSurvivor
Hugs 
What do you need -- hot tea? Blankets? Honey? 
@singercrystalspirit
Thank you all three would be great
@SemicolonSurvivor
Hot tea, honey, and blankets.... coming your way 
@rozie
@rozie
This is amazing. WHAT A LOVELY FRIEND. I wish I had a friend like this. I am so glad for this community where we can be friends like this for each other.
I do have some in-person people I can ask for this. I never really thought before about asking. I will practice doing that when the occasion arises
@singercrystalspirit hugs
@inventiveOrange1
Thank you I needed hugs really badly this afternoon. Hugs back.
@rozie
I guess I'd love to have a cute Piglet friend today. I cannot fight back today :( *Hugs*
@Zombii
Hugs for you too! its okay not to be able to fight back.. what we live with is exhausting .. so there is a time to rest.Can you take it easy for now? There's a crew here in support and 'piglets" among them. X
@rozie thanks for this post, it's how I was feeling today too , I've always wanted. Piglet a supporter someone who'd just hold me , not be frightened or ashamed of me ... Asking for support has always back fired on me or been taken the wrong way.. I'm.too afraid to reach out anymore tho of late being in this community is compelling me .
@energeticPenny8
Hey Penny, my wish for you is that you find this 'piglet' supporter, someone who accepts you for who you are, holds you, and supports you. Know that you become afraid when it hasn't woked before. But as you say being in this community is somewhat compelling you in this direction. Try to trust and see what unfolds. (lots of piglets here!) x
@rozie thank you v much yes it has made me feel less alone in that sense.. :) it means a lot being here
Oh my gosh, I'm doing so badly this evening. My mood changed drastically in a matter of hours. I don't *know* what I need. I feel hurt. I feel really hurt. And I feel sad. And I feel ashamed.
I think I must be doing something that makes no one like me. I think I must be pushing people away. I think people must not care about me as much as I think they do, and I feel foolish, and so ashamed.
@singercrystalspirit
Oh how it can change in a moment Singer. All these feelings descending on you from who knows where. They just are and theywill pass too.And then thoughts can come too.. about how we may be pushing people away, or they don't like us. .. the inner critic fuels this when we are vulnerable. Try to be gentle with yourself, kind and patient.. as you ride out this storm. We are here with you. x
@rozie
I will try my best, although I don't know the best way to ride out these storms when they occur. I will try to practice just making sure I am doing my best to be gentle, instead of harsh. I think that is a good first step.
Thank you.