Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-in Thursday 23rd November 2017
Hi trauma family!
Wherever you are, and however it is, hoping there will be a moment of joy for you during this day.
If you have recently joined us, we welcome you. And if you've been here for longer you will know something of what makes this 'family" tick. Likely you've made connections with others, and shared with them in the good times, the sad times, the bad times... and the ordinary times. A family goes through whatever happens together. There is strength in their unity, but also in their diversity. We may not always agree, but we can learn to accept and respect differeint ways and perspectives. And we make mistakes, we don't always get it right, and that's ok. We can laugh and play and have fun together too.
Sometimes people in our "family' are upset and hurting. Then we can encircle them and comfort them. Let them know that they are safe here with us, that this is a safe place. Reassure them that they are doing their best and that's good enough..That they belong here with us in this community and deserve to be supported., with caring and friendship..
In the words of that loveable bear Winnie the Pooh "A friend is someone who helps you up when you're down, and if they can't, they lay down beside you and listen."
How is your day going? What do you want to share with the trauma fam today? How can we support you? Or pop into say hi! Love to hear from you. This is your space and a safe place.x
@rozie
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Im dealing with so much stress but what makes me feel the worse , is the anxiety I feel because I don't think the government of USA will give me the Visa to go living there with my husband who was born there and has his life built already. I was denied a tourist Visa to visit him so we married in Guatemala when he visited me after 2 years of dating online.
@Carmina222
I'm glad you are sharing this and not holding it deep inside where it could grow bigger. I know for me it helps to share some things to reduce the anxiety a bit or to keep it from growing. I do hope things will work out for you to be with your husband soon.
@rozie
Hello :) First time replying to one of these threads and I figured it's a great outlet to let it out.
Today was not as bad as yesterday. But I'd started feeling uncomfortable out of nowhere. I'd gone to the bathroom and was having my triggers. Trying to remember a memory lapse from the time of my assault and then mind was spiraling out of control. Soon, I was dry heaving but was able to stop from vomiting. But I'm hopeful that I'll get better in time. That's what keeps me going and pushing through.
@utk123
I am happy you decided to reach out with your post today. We are all here to support you. I am glad you are feeling a little bit better after experiencing such a difficult memory. Most of the people in the community have had similar experiences and great ideas that help them ground themselves during those times. Grounding in the present definitely helps. Welcome to the family.
@Compassionatelistener108 Thank you for your kind words :)
@utk123
Welcome and so glad you are posting here with us. Being triggered is so difficult and it sounds like you are working hard to get through this and to have less intensity to what you are going through. I hope you will find the journey through this faster than expected and that you'll hang in there on the really rough times.
Happy Thanksgiving 🍁🍽🦃 ❤️ Today is a hard day for a lot of us, but at the same time we have a lot to be thankful for. Let's share ONE thing we can celebrate and be thankful to God for.
Here is mine: I have warm bed to sleep in & a roof over my head. ❤️
@KLM3278
I love this! Its so positive and its so true! This is a good time to remind us to be grateful! Im grateful for the roof over my head too! :)
@WaterLily16
HUG
I need a bit of support today, guys. Yesterday I decided to refresh my phone because it's been acting up a bit. I looked through the pictures to make sure I wasn't deleting anything important. During the night I remembered that the videos of my last day with my cat, Doris, were on there.She is not dead, but my abusive ex took her when I left him. He would never hurt her... maybe he'd be a bit neglectful at worst. Anyway... I'm not sure I've ever hated myself as much as I hate myself today. I am so angry and so unimaginably sad. Today I remember what's on the videos... but one day that will fade.
Goodbye Doris, I love you.
@Hoxenos
aww man Im so sorry about that! I know what pets can mean to us sometimes! But the best memories are all in your head and at least those werent erased! Hugs
@Hoxenos
Hox,
I am so very sorry. Sending positive thoughts and many hugs (if it is okay) to you today. Let us know what you need as you go through the evening. We are here for you in this safe place to offer as much comfort as we possibly can during this time. 💛
@Hoxenos
You have support here... we're part of your support team. I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing a pet from a relationship is like losing a loved one for many people. They can become part of our family when they reach into our hearts. I'm sorry you lost your videos of Doris. I hope your pain will ease quickly and you'll find peace with yourself.
@Hoxenos
Hi Hox, I'm so sorry Doris can't live and be with you day in and day out. I know the huge emptiness that remains in the absense of not having a faithful, loyal friend right beside you day and night. I'm struggling so much right now, too Hox without my constant companion, Boo, next to me. She was my therapy dog, and she died on Nov. 5th. I got her when she was just 3 days old, and when she died she was over 17 years old. I can't even bring myself to look at pictures of her right now because of how unbelievably sad and lost I feel without her. Since her death a couple of weeks ago, my depression has plunged downward, along with my functioning. I wish I had some words of comfort for you, or words of reassurance that the pain and impact of her absence will disappear over time. Boo, or moreso her nose, was the first thing I saw every day when came home from work and opened my front door, and I so miss that. I seem to stall and avoid coming home right after I get off from work, or I come home and go almost straight to bed. I've been sleeping so much (16-18 hrs/day) lately it worries me. My doctor recently did labs, & they all are normal, so I think it's just a symptom, or coping strategy related to my severe depression. Hox, having my two other dogs help me some because it pushes me to try & be there for them. I don't know how things ended with your ex, or if you are on speaking terms, but have you ever reached out to your ex to see if he would consider giving Doris to you to keep? It may be a long shot to ask, but maybe if you were honest about how much Doris still means to you, he'd be open to handing her over. I know some ex's keep a beloved pet out of spite...to get back at their ex, and to further hurt them, and I'm so sorry if that is your situation. Hox, just like I know getting another therapy dog will never come close to "replacing" the place in my heart and life that Boo vibrantly and lovingly filled, I know getting another cat, won't fill the void or mend your heart from the loss of Doris. You are right to compare it to a "death" of sorts because the loss has that same element of permanency. That being said, though...I know a new furry friend will help your heal and love you and bring you joy in new and different ways. When my first dog died at age nine, I told myself I was so not ready to get another dog any time soon. But when I decided to do volunteer work at our local Humane Society, I kind of got talked into fostering a newborn puppy who's mother had been hit by a car. I ended up adopting that sweet lab/border collie mix, and she was a big part of my healing after the loss of my doberman pincher. I'm glad you reached out for support. I wish I could give you a big hug right now, or have my little Louie Lou lick your nose and snuggle comfortably in your lap to remind you love comes in all shapes, sizes, and kinds of companions. You will be in my thoughts & prayers, 💜 Hox. Stay in touch. I'm home alone all day.
@Hoxenos How are you doing today? Grieving these losses is never easy, especially when one is confronted with visceral reminders out of the blue like that. I still haven't been able to look at any pics or videos of the 3 feline fur babies that I lost recently (2 rehomed, one compassionately put down for kidney issues).
I have avoided certain social media platforms that algorithmically show old posts/photos largely because I know that would go down a similar rabbit hole as you have. I don't really have any sage advice to offer, as I'm still mourning/coping/processing myself, but I just wanted you to know that you're not alone.
I'm sorry for your loss, and hope you are managing as best you can considering the circumstances.❤️
@Hoxenos @WaterLily16 @CompassionateListener108 @wizeakre @KristenHR @caterpillargirl @agreeableKite4304 @melliotm
Thank you guys for you kind words. Know that they helped me a lot this week even though I did not feel up to answering. I have one picture left of her which is my display picture on one of my communication platforms.
To answer questions about if I could get her back... he lives about ten hours away. I will be moving to his country next year but I'm not sure I will be up to dealing with seeing him in real life. This month coming up I'll be working on initiating my divorce with him and I'm terrified of all the feelings that will come up. I'm very scared of him and I think I always will be. He said a few months ago that he would give me Doris because he does want to make things up to me... but I just can't trust anything he says. I'm just too afraid.
Anyway, thanks everyone again, you helped me more than you know.
@rozie
How is your day going? What do you want to share with the trauma fam today? How can we support you? Or pop into say hi! Love to hear from you. This is your space and a safe place.x
Not in the mood, just hi.
@conscientiousPineapple1782
Hi back to you! :) Glad you at least said hi.
@conscientiousPineapple1782
And hi to you too! We're glad you're here with us today.x
Hi Hox, Im sorry to hear that you have had such a difficult day. I know what it is like to loose a pet, our silent friends can be our closest friends. I had a pet cat called Tammy, we were literally brought up together, as he was a present for my fourth birthday. He passed when I was twenty four years old, and his death hit me hard. It did take me years to get over his death, I too looked at his pictures and his videos.
I delayed grieving for him, because of the response of others. Hes just a cat not a person, I think if your pet is a dog you get more compassion! I did finally allow myself to grieve, and thinking about him is no longer painful. He was apart of my coping mechanism, as you know cats are extremely affectionate creatures. Gradually that grief did turn to joy and laughter, as I looked back and remembered the times he made me laugh, and all the comfort I received from my furry friend.
Twenty years after his death, I still have vivid memories of him. I thought that I would forget him. However, his little life is not just recorded on photographs or on videos. He is imprinted on my heart and in my memories. I know that you are worried that you will forget Doris, but when you love an animal that much it is hard to forget. You have lost a dear friend, still alive but with someone else. I know that this feels painful, just know that the grieving process will pass. We never forget the impact that our friends make on our lives, including the impact of our furry friends.
Hugs to you @Hoxenos 
and @caterpillargir l
.
@Amandisa16 ❤️❤️
@melliotm
Thanks💜💛💙
@Amandisa16
How beautifully you've expressed what the loss of a furry friend is like. Tammy must have been so special for all those years. Our pets give us so much and we miss them and it is painful as we grieve for the loss. But then as you say she is in imprinted in your heart and memories. Not forgotten, but we have learnt to live with the loss and treasure the memories. x
@rozie
Thank you Rozie 💙💛💜😊
Today was a good day. I decided to make a stretch goal for myself (the introvert) and invited several people to meet and share the day. We ate, laughed and it was just enough time for me to spend with everyone without getting overwhelmed. My parents decided to join in and it really took a great deal of pressure off of me as they tend to cancel at the last minute.
We all met at a neutral location and the food was wonderful. I believe it was one of the most peaceful holidays I have ever experienced. I honestly have to thank those who have spent time teaching me the true meaning of being mindful. Knowing all things are impermanent, required me to be fully present.
As a perfect end to the day, I am spending time with a good book before trying to sleep.
I wish you all a peaceful night. For those of you who had an exceptionally tough day, may you find peace in the days to come.
@Compassionatelistener108 Really glad to hear that your holiday/social experience went so outstandingly well. A moment to cherish, and be proud of yourself for. Hope you are able to enjoy lots of self care today.❤️
@Compassionatelistener108
So glad to hear that today was a good day for you. That you were able to stretch yourself and enjoy this time with family and friends. Well done! Sounds like mindfulness is a wonderful key to this. Think It reminds us how worhtwhile it is to continue to practice and do this daily. And then settling down with a book an ideal way to finish the day. x
Thank you all so much for the kind words. I could not have done it without the unconditional support from each of you ❤️
@Compassionatelistener108
*hugs* we're always here for you, smol bean
