Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-in Thursday 29 March 2018

Hey hey! <3

I absolutely adore flowers. Actually, my favourite quote about life is about flowers too, so this post made me really happy! :)

My favourite flowers are lillies :) and yours?

My day is going okay. I am having lots on my mind at the moment, not even negative things, but i am thinking a lot about life at the moment and sadly am a bit too worried about the future.

But i wish you all an amazing day and take care everyone! <3

@rozie

Have you seen Jack-In-The-Green?
With his long tail hanging down.
He quietly sits under every tree
in the folds of his velvet gown.

He drinks from the empty acorn cup
the dew that dawn sweetly bestows.
And taps his cane upon the ground
signals the snowdrops it's time to grow.

It's no fun being Jack-In-The-Green
no place to dance, no time for song.
He wears the colours of the summer soldier
carries the green flag all the winter long.
Jack, do you never sleep
does the green still run deep in your heart?
Or will these changing times,
motorways, powerlines,
keep us apart?
Well, I don't think so
I saw some grass growing through the pavements today.

The rowan, the oak and the holly tree
are the charges left for you to groom.
Each blade of grass whispers Jack-In-The-Green.
Oh Jack, please help me through my winter's night.
And we are the berries on the holly tree.
Oh, the mistlethrush is coming.
Jack, put out the light. (Ian Anderson)

@rozie

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⛺❤️

@rozie

How is your day going?

Idk bit tired of 7 cups

What is your favourite flower?

idk how to call it on english

Can you remember a time when flowers were of special significance to you?

I ONE bought today :D

@rozie

Hi rozie. My day is just ending or ha maybe beginning as it is now almost 2 am.. Left work later than usual.. Today started off as a good day little angry now though.. I don't think I've ever been given flowers so they don't hold much significance.. I've never even bought myself flowers.. I do draw / paint a really good rose though.. I've never really thought on if I have a favorite flower might be time to think of that well maybe not this minute but soon.. Ohh I do remember as a kid I used to help my pop in his garden with the roses must of been really little the memory is quite fuzzy but I remember the roses and him telling me to be careful of the thorns as I attempted to rip out his beautiful roses lol going to store this memory now.. Hope you are well

I love frangipani, something v simple yet so beautiful about them

i don't like the r word, scares me.

Not good this week, feels like snowball of stuff knocked me out and i just want it to go away

@rozie The day is terrible. My favorite flower is a morning glory especially the purple ones. Flowers have no significance to me, they just are.

I am Dutch but I don't really know about flowers. I like watching poppies in the wind, they are cute

@rozie

I'm not doing okay I don't know what's going on with me. My mind feels like it's gone. I have a next appointment with the psychiatric nurse practitioner on Monday (on my first appointment last week, she didn't want to start me on any medication... she wanted to do genetic testing, which I am getting the results of on Monday, and she wanted me to try acupuncture, which I haven't checked about with my insurance yet), but I feel so concerned, so incredibly concerned that something is deeply wrong with me, always has been, always will be. I've told my family I'm not doing well and I think they are trying to be supportive but I might be too far gone for it to feel supportive? I am so concerned and worried about myself. I am worried that maybe I am psychotic or schizophrenic or something -- I don't know how to explain how horrible and dreadful I feel. I feel isolated and horribly alone. And on top of that I feel guilt, because I'm not alone, there are people reaching out to me, but it isn't helping. So that is why I think there must be something horribly wrong, because people are reaching out but I still feel alone and I'm not feeling any better, sometimes in fact I'm feeling worse. I don't know what to do or who to reach out to. I was thinking about maybe calling a hotline but I really feel like something is horribly, horribly, horribly wrong. Anyways I'm sorry

I've gotten some things done today, like took my car to the mechanic to get the AC fixed, and went to get my eyebrows done, and met my brother for lunch. Now I'm seeing if I can sell some clothes at the thrift shop, and I'm at a coffee shop. But I don't know how to explain how isolated and almost.... like a monster I feel. I almost feel like everything I am doing and saying is just toxic and awful. It is hard to describe. Part of me wants to just break out crying and refuse to go on living life until I get some kind of help, because the way I feel is not okay. Another part of me wants to make space for the way I am feeling and to carry on with life best I can while still feeling this way. I have no idea which is the saner response. But obviously I'm concerned I'm not responding appropriately.

I mean, I guess my mind isn't gone -- I'm sitting here typing, and my sentences have structure and they're making sense and I'm communicating my thoughts. And I'm pretty sure I'm even communicating my thoughts accurately. So... I don't know what's going on. And I don't know how in the hell I am functioning this highly (sentence-construction and thought-communication wise) while I am in the midst of such incredible emotional and mental pain. It worries me, actually, that I am functioning while in the midst of so much pain. Does that mean that I am some kind of a monster? I am so afraid. The vastness of the human experience, and the extremes to which our minds are capable of journeying.... they are frightening. Because the instant I judge someone else (for example, a sociopathic serial killer), I am also judging myself (what if I am a sociopathic serial killer? and I just don't know it?). I am always worried all of the horrible things are true about me. Why am I so deathly, deathly afraid of being mentally ill? I don't even know what I mean by the phrase "mentally ill", by the way. 1) I am aware that this is a mental health website. 2) I know that "mentally ill" is used in different ways by different people to mean different things. 3) I know there is a stigma about "mental illness", REGARDLESS of what definition of that phrase is intended. So what is it that I am actually afraid of, I guess is my point, when I get so worried about being "mentally ill"?

Also... this post is getting really, really long. And that is a sign to me that I am experiencing some intense anxiety, because sometimes in the past when I have felt intensely anxious I have typed or written really, really long things (just going on and on and on with my thoughts). Ok... I think it would be better for me to actually not keep typing right now. I don't think it helps when I am in this kind of state. I think I need to be breathing, or walking around outside maybe? Oh, grounding... grounding would be nice. How can I ground? I can never remember how when I'm so worked up. I will go and try to figure out how. Ok thanks if anyone read this and thanks for just being there and letting me post.