Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-in Thursday 31st August 2017

@rozie

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I've had a therapist who really wasn't a good fit for me before; and I know this is really important, because we need to feel safe with whoever we are working through trauma with. Currently I'm on a waiting list to see someone else, so I'm hoping that will go better.

How is your day going? How has a therapist who is a 'good fit' for you made a difference in your life? How do you know when the fit is good? What tells you that this therapy may not be working for you? Any helpful hints?

Wow - great questions! Thanks!

1. My day had started at 2 am, lol, I had a bad dream and could not get to bed so I have been up ever since. ( It is only 6 am now - lol)

.2 I spent YEARS and YEARS looking, searching and trying out a therapist that was the right fit.

I finally found one that does pychotherapy AND reikie healing ( energy healing) and wholistic approach to healing. She has made ALL the difference in my life. I am able to open up and feel safe, validated and comfortable. I am able to see pattens ( like the victim role, or the rescuer in friendships) in my life and because I am aware of them - I am able to shift and change them. She validates and empowers me . I recieve reikie healing along side therapy so it is never overwhelming to work on issues and I always have a better week than the week before - things literally keep getting better and easier for me - even digging through my crap.

3. I think I knew it was a good and right fit when I was validated, my story was honored, she showed empathy, she never presses me to go father than I can manage, and I do not walk out of a session without feeling balanced and grounded. I am very hollistic and the fact that she intigrates various healing and energy work modalities into treatment - has made all the diffrence.

4. My therapy IS working for me - but from the past - I knew it was NOT working for me when I left the sessions raw and vulnerable, I did not feel heard or validated, I could not reach them between sessions, I was not beelieved, my pain was not honored and I felt either pressured to talk or felt like I was wasting my time because they could not help me get it out even when i wanted to get it out.

Hints:

Know yourself.

Write down a list of YOUR needs.

Make sure the therapist is meeting those needs.

Maybe even interview therapists before makign a commitment and get to know them and in which way they work.

It takes time to find the right fit - but its worth the wait <3

How is your day going?

I'm not sure how to answer that question today...still processing everything that happened yesterday, without falling victim to my usual patterns of self punishment.

As for therapy, due to a number of factors (both financial and the sorry state of mental health infrastructure in my region) I'm not currently in therapy. I have a psychiatrist who keeps me medicated and monitors my stability. I have a (shoddy, woefully inadequate) case worker with a local community mental health agency that works in exclusive public/private partnership to provide transitional care services on behalf of the provincial government. But what they provide and what is available for low income earners -- and even the general public -- is extremely limited (nor is any of it trauma informed). "Crisis" is the term most often used by clinical and policy professionals to describe the current state of mental health care in my region. So I basically have to hack it as best I can on my own. 🙃

@rozie

*says hi and hides*

I have found a better fit with a wonderful life coach than with a therapist (although I have a counselor, too) as I have found that coaches are more likely to view you as a "partner" in healing where YOU are the one who knows you best. Unfortunately many therapists are trained to view you as sick, etc. which is a death sentence for the success of trying to help someone with trauma or anxiety recover.

I would recommend finding a therapist or counselor who specializes in trauma and/or anxiety, this is just from my own experience, and not to even bother trying a therapist who is not specialized in one of those two things, otherwise the chances are greater of them coming at it all wrong to help you. For instance, I saw a depression counselor the other day (had to, to see my new doc) and she triggered my trauma and anxiety by something she told me... she clearly was not a good fit or trained in the basic ways to approach a trauma / anxiety client and I spent the entire rest of the day simply recovering from my session with her.

Again this is just my two cents from my own experiences, I hope that it helps. I currently have an awesome life coach + a supportive anxiety therapist (have not had luck finding a trauma therapist that I click with, but, one thing at a time. Every little bit helps.)

xx - Singer

How is your day going?

Much better than yesterday!! No bats today!! 🤣

How has a therapist who is a 'good fit' for you made a difference in your life?

My therapist keeps me sane. She's someone I can talk to who actually wants to hear what I have to say. She I can talk to her about a lot without feeling any shame or dread or anxiety or whatever that feeling in my chest and stomach is, I can't really pin point it further than that. There's still stuff I can't say to her, but I can show her in writing. I can text her anything or show her any screenshot. I don't feel bad showing her these things. I don't feel judged. I don't have any friends in real life, she fills that void. I know I know, she's not my friend, but she's the closest thing I have to one here, and I don't do very well for very long when I'm not able to see her.

How do you know when the fit is good?

You either mesh with the person or you don't. Some personalities just clash. There are also some just plain bad psych people out there.

What tells you that this therapy may not be working for you?

If I don't want to see my therapist because I don't like them, then therapy with that person probably isn't going to work :P

​Any helpful hints?

Just go for it. Give it a shot. The worst that can happen is you end up not liking the person and you have to start over with someone else. I know that's really intimidating, but that's better than not getting help. (Says the person who put off help for YEARS 🙃)

How is my day going today? Less bad than yesterday. So that's something.

After a tiring few months, I believe things are beginning to fall into place. If nothing else, I am grateful for the inner peace I felt today.

When I experienced my phone call trauma, it scarred me for life. It happened when I was around 10 years old. I didn't get much help from it until about 12 years later with a psychologist and a counselor. They both recommended that I could apply for the Crime Victims Assistance Program. Which they recognize your trauma, the damage it caused you emotionally, physically, mentally and how it affects your every day life. Then, they evaluate how much time you'll need therapy for and provide the expenses for your treatment.

Although, I had their help, my trauma was still not resolved. It's still affecting my life, it's like engraved in me (so sad)~