Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-in Thursday 4th January 2018
Good morning to you all!
Seems like this is following your post very closely @TheHoneyDoll... just how its happened.. so thought it best to continue with your theme.Thank you for this. I think its great that you are going to spend more time on your creative writing... sounds like its a gift and something you really enjoy. Made me think how we can be "busy" with lots of tasks and chores, obligations and committments, so that there is no time or energy for doing what we enjoy.. what we are passionate about, for being creative. Yet the benefits are many and our lives are enriched.
So be encouraged to think about the big goals or the "smaller" goals ... and how you can enrich your life this year. Please share this with us as you wish. Or tell us about your day..or how we can support you. Pop in to say hi!
This is your space and a safe place. Love the way support is given and received, compassion and understanding so clearly here, and acceptance and valuing of each other. May we care for and grow this community.You're all awesome! x
@rozie
Sorry Rozie, had some stuff come up yesterday so I had to post late sadly ^^||| Hopefully your day is going well and thank you for the kind encouragement. <3
@TheHoneyDoll
Sometimes things happen, but that's okay - you still posted! Thanks so much for all you do. How are you doing?
@KristenHR
I'm doing pretty well despite lack of sleep ^^ thank you for asking! Just feel bad about posting late is all after a rough, long and busy day.
@TheHoneyDoll
Its ok.. things happen.. and I felt that you'd put so much into your post, it made sense to continue with it. I'm doing well, despite a very stormy night with tree branches down and green plums on the ground... looks like being a clean up day. Stay warm all who are having freezing temperatures. x
@rozie 
@melliotm
Me too, Mellio. It is so cold here ☃️
I love your post. Take care of yourself and stay warm. ☺️💛
@Compassionatelistener108 Thanks CL ☃️ you too!! 💛
@rozie
I'm trying to come to terms with leading a much less exciting and ambitious life than I had previous to my breakdown. I used to be very ambitious, driven, hard working, determined, creative, and full of life generally. A little over a year ago, I lost that, I lost me... and now i'm learning to build a new version of me from those scraps. I know this sounds sad but I guess I'm kinda in that sad space in my head where I'm thinking... ok this is 2018 and my life is nothing like what thought it would be, other than the fact that I have a baby which is something I've always wanted.
I spend most of my days at home, caring for my baby and when he naps, I come online to socialize with other people or I go out and see other real life people. Unfortunately most of the people I know work during the day so i'm principally alone, though I'm still able to find occupations to fill up the spaces in my days. Still... I dont feel my life is going in any exciting direction, I dont feel im accomplishing any personal ambition and to be honest I dont even think I have any ambition anymore. I feel like a shadow of the person i once was and I am constantly living in an anxiety that makes me fear even attempting anything new. So i'm stagnant and stuck... Im just stuck.
Sorry this is long, and also I don't really know if this even has a place in this check in but anyways.
I hope everyone's start of year is so far going good. <3
@WaterLily16
I'm glad you posted. I think what you are experiencing is actually pretty normal for new mom's as your ability to do all the things you did before are a bit more difficult. It sounds like you really are coping well in keeping yourself occupied though. And your being a mom is one of the most important roles a parent can take on - having the opportunity to love and nurture a child and to give them what we didn't have - that safety and love is a big deal!
What do you think you would or could do that would help you feel like you are moving forward? Is there anything in particular that pops up for you when reading that question?
@KristenHR
Thank you <3
Honestly every time I even start to try and think of what I can eventually do, I get raeally anxious and panicky. Partly because I know Im never gonna achieve whatever it is I wanna do, and partly because I am afraid of even trying anything new, and partly probably because Im so lost. Im so lost its not even funny... 😔
@WaterLily16
The anxiety and fear are definitely challenges that are difficult to face. The thing is you don't have to do it right now. You can do it in the timing that is right for you. Maybe at some point you'll feel you are ready to do what you want to do. I sure hope you will.
@KristenHR
After quite a meltdown this evening, I finally opened up to my hubby about how I was feeling and he was surprisingly so receptive and supportive. We had a long discussion about how I need to work on my self confidence. With my history and my recent breakdown, my confidence is completely broken.
Im going to look into ways that I can work on boosting that and maybe quieten the inner critic that tells me Im a failure and that nothing Ill be able to do will ever be good enough. He suggested a public speaking course and the thought literally makes me wanna throw up with anxiety, but he reckons thats exactly what I need... :/ I dunno... I guess its something to think about. If anyone has any other suggestions on activities to boost self confidence, Id love to hear! <3
@WaterLily16 For what it's worth, Lily, I can really relate to this:
"I'm trying to come to terms with leading a much less exciting and ambitious life than I had previous to my breakdown. I used to be very ambitious, driven, hard working, determined, creative, and full of life generally. A little over a year ago, I lost that, I lost me... and now i'm learning to build a new version of me from those scraps."
Thank you for sharing, and solidarity ❤️⛺
@WaterLily16
Those can be some challenging times. They can also feel very isolating. As a single parent, I struggled with what sounds like similar emotions. I love my son as he is has been my greatest joy. It is clear that you adore being a loving parent as well.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with needing some guilt free time to move toward your long term goals even if it may take a little bit longer. It is a difficult balance. It may feel uplifting as well no matter how small the steps may be.
My little one is off to graduate school after completing his undergrad in May. We give so much to our children openly and without hesitation. It is as it should be while we use those teachable moments to create independent, confident and hopefully compassionate adults.
I hope you will begin exploring with things you enjoy. A photography class, a weekly or bi-weekly hike, time near the water or becoming the author of the next Harry Potter series ☺️ I believe in you. Let us know how we can support you. 💛
@rozie
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@melliotm
Good to see you. As always, taking care of our Thursday tags! Thank you again. :D How are you doing?
Hey 
.. How has your day been or going?
@calmLake1999
I'm doing well as is my day, thanks. How about you? How are you doing?
@KristenHR
Im doing ok.. Exhausted after a chaotic day at work and my head is all fuzzy from this flu I've got but better then Iwas yesterday and grateful to be at home snuggled in bed.
@calmLake1999
Sounds like it's a good thing you are all cuddled up and resting and relaxing. Hope the flu will go away very soon for you! Rest well!
@calmLake1999
Calm, I wish you a speedy recovery. Especially with the pressures you are facing at work. I hope you get plenty of rest, have nice warm tea or your favorite healthy method of hydration and ask for breaks when you need them.
Snuggle in with your cozy blanket and sleep well 😴 Thank you for checking in 💛
@Compassionatelistener108
Thanks compassion and Kristen.. Finally got 2 days off work so hopefully now can rest and get over this flu.
@calmLake1999
💛🍵😴
I'll just leave this in here instead of saying anything else.Felt like a must share.:)
@Morfo66
Thank you for sharing this with us.....speaks volumes.Good to have you here. How is your day going? x
@rozie
no problem and thanks!hearing such words always is a true honor!I'm doing better.had some crazy times, needed to change and so I did.I think I never in my life had changed this much as I did during the last month so I still am quite shocked and soaking it all in, giving myself time and peace.:) and I can't wait to see how this all will change my life, influence the all ares of it...so I'm quite drained but excited at the same time.it's good now that I see what for this all is happening.
@Morfo66 Great quote! 👏🏾
@Morfo66
A picture truly is worth a thousand words 💛 I am happy you checked in today. Thank you for sharing with us.
@rozie
Hey there,
I'm doing alright. A bit stressed over the future. I'm trying to decide whether to go into law school and do family law or go into business administration. Im not really sure which I want to do yet or if they'll even make me very happy but my ultimate dream goal is to move to NYC. I feel like I don't have a choice because it's so expensive to live there but I guess I'm willing to sacrifice all that joy just so I can move there... I'm really good at business and law and have the skills for it but I just feel restricted.
My New Year's resolution is just to figure it out before I graduate highschool next year and try to fear change less, especially with the fear of my trauma returning to me one day. This probably isn't even the right place to talk about school worries :')
Hope everyone is doing pleasantly.
@InsomniaMilk
I also just don't want to lose my girlfriend because of me moving for college and what not.
@InsomniaMilk
Think that's a really good New Year's resolution! Sounds lke you could do well at either law or business. Wondering which you are passionate about. And then considering a move too. Big decisions about your future, but you are giving yourself time. to reflect, to talk with others who know you well, and to check out all the options. It takes courage too to face your fears. But in facing them they often lose their power.
Wishing you all the best for 2018. x
@rozie
Whoa, holy moly. I just wrote a post in my diary here about precisely almost this. That is what has happened to me. I have become "busy" with lots of tasks and chores... obligations and commitments.... I have lost the joy not only within those things (even though they are things which I individually want to do), but also have lost time for joy elsewhere
Idk, the last thing I need is more "advice" right now. I'm feeling really overwhelmed by advice actually, and people telling me what they think I should do, how they think I could better my life, etc etc. I did need help, and I asked for it, but I asked for it from too many places, I think.
I feel guilty, now, that I am this way.... guilt serves no purpose.... I need to rest.....
@singercrystalspirit
Sometimes we just need time to look within. I wish you well on your inner journey 💛
My thoughts have been here today with my trauma experiences family. I am filled with gratitude for each lesson I have gained through listening to all of you.
We never stop learning from one another 💛
I am looking forward to being a part of this family for a very long time. With tremendous respect and many safe, thankful hugs to those of you who may be in need. I am ☺️
all this drama of tihs group in past 24 hours is making me wish it would stop.
@reachforgoals
I am sorry you experienced those feelings of chaos. I believe that we will ultimately benefit from the valuable lessons learned. It was a difficult day for our members and concerning for the leadership. Fortunately, we all share a common goal and that is to support our members. I am hopeful the drama is over. Thank you for your patience and expressing your feelings.
@Compassionatelistener108
What happened?
@singercrystalspirit
There were simply a few growing pains and we all learned a great deal from the experience. I really believe that the change management process will grow with us. We have an amazing team, great members and knowledgeable professionals contributing new ideas concerning support daily. 😀 Rapid growth is wonderful as we are able to offer additional services to our members.
The positive news is that our trauma family will not be impacted to the best of my knowledge. We are already providing many services and will continue to add items/topics so we can support one another more effectively based upon your feedback 💛
@Compassionatelistener108
Lol ok, I understand. Glad everything is OK
@singercrystalspirit
☺️💛
@reachforgoals
I can understand how you wish this drama would stop. Its been an upsetting time for many in this community.It may be helpful to be aware that its normal for communities to go through times when there is drama and conflict,Its part of "growing" a community. The upheaval isn't comfortable, and we long for the stability and security, the safety and support that we knew. But then we realize,its still there,just been obscured, like the sun is hidden by a cloud.And we will come through this. x
@rozie
This is beautifully put.
It's how I'm slowly and gradually starting to see life is, again.
I think the life event that was incomprehensible for me was my ex (together for 6 years) cutting me out and disappearing suddenly. Never any closure, never heard from him again, now I know he's married. Happened 3 years ago.
I'd never been treated that way before -- an unresolved conflict, a cut-off, just hanging. It like to split my soul. It went against everything I believed and knew about the world. Not only that.... but that event set off a chain reaction where I started encountering more and more people who treated me that way, and I began treating people that way as well. It was like a new reality had opened up.
I've done a lot of exploring and healing over the process, and I'm at the point where I'm turning the corner into believing that my ex was a rarity, that most of the world and the order of the universe does not, after all, truly operate like that, just as I understood before having met my ex. Knowing him was like being sucked into some other zone of existence. That's the best way I know how to describe it.
I realize that the trauma must have been ongoing abuse in order for the one event of breakup to affect me so greatly. Ongoing, slowly building abuse for six years. I still don't 100% believe my own statement there.
Well, I just wanted to share. Thank you rozie for sharing.
@singercrystalspirit
Thank you for sharing this part of your story Singer. Reading it, I apprecaite how devastating it would have been for your ex to disappear like this after six years .. no explanation.....no empathy.... just cut off as you say. Can understand what a struggle its been since,as you explore and heal. Good on you for having the courage and patience to work this through. So thrilled that you have turned the corner.. that you have made sense of this experience. That you can see he was a "rarity" and that there was ongoing absue.When I hear you say "sucked in" sounds like the emotional abuse that is subtle and gradually undermines your sense of self. and strikes at your very soul. So in taking the time to heal and wirh self compassion, you can look forward to a different future. Well done! x
@rozie
Thank you 
I don't like to call it abuse because I feel that gives him power.... I like to find other ways to try and think about it.