Traumatic Experiences Daily Check In - February 1, 2018
Hi Everyone,
Today is the 1st of the month. For me, every Monday, and every 1st of the month is like clean slate day. I get a "do over" in something I wanted to do, something I feel like I could do better, or whatever I feel like I can take a do over in.
Do you have anything you'd like to do on this "do over" day? A clean slate with something you'd like to work on/do? You don't have to answer these questions specifically if you do not want.
How is your day today?
Anything in particular you are hoping to do the next couple days or over the weekend?
Do you have any thoughts or goals for this new month?
Can't wait to see what you are thinking.
I cry today.Tears streaming down my face.Happy tears.I feel so moved.So blessed.So grateful for all and everyone.Grateful for myself and that now I've a second chance at living life.After all I've been trough to just be content and at peace, so loved, so loving towards myself, so acceptive and kind, compassionate, understanding.It's hard to put it in any words but it's just...I never was sure if my lfie will ever be good again and enjoyable after what happened but now to just sit in here and having a life that's even better than that I had before all things happened...It's just incredible and mind blowing how much a human can restore itself, rebuild all from total ruins and ashes.And find some joy, true joy and enjoyement in living life no matter how much ups, downs there might be daily.To love life in all its imperfection...yes...I just...dunno.This all makes me speechless and warms my heart so, so, so much.I finally feel like I really fulfilled the promise I gave my mom almost 9 years ago.I never knew whether I'll be able to do so at all or how...but here I'm-doing at all day by day.And it's just beyond what I ever thought my life will be.It feels like a brand new chapter or even a completely new book.Can't wait to slowly fill it up and celebrate life, being and sharing life together even more.<3 It's just beautiful.Beyond beautiful.
@Morfo66
Oh it is wonderful to hear this from you! Moves me to tears too.. and rejoicing with you.....and I know your mother would be so proud of her girl. I think itts such an encouragement to others too. x
@rozie
Thanks...I just try my very best and I do know she would be proud.
@Morfo66
Sorry for my late response. I'm so happy to read your post. What a beautiful celebration of your life. I'm so glad you have had a second chance at life!
@Morfo66 WOW! SO Happy for U!
@KristenHR
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❤️⛺
@melliotm
Thanks as always! I'm sorry I didn't back to you yesterday - it was crazy! How are you?
@KristenHR No problem -- as you can see, I was delayed in turn ☺️ Had a rough night's sleep last night. Dealing with some disruption in my life, so I'm adjusting and adapting (or, more accurately, coping and enduring) to be. Extra sensitive at the moment. Having to manage triggers with greater vigilance (was set off right before bedtime last night, but thankfully managed to ground myself enough to salvage some sleep). Self care and compassion are in order today. Feeling mentally fatigued and emotionally raw.
(Probably should have posted this in today's check in but wevs -- I'm trying to catch up with my mounting notifications lol.) ⛺❤️
@KristenHR
hi kristen... my goal is just to make it through another day,, quite contemplative at the moment and just thinking about everything i have done or more like perceived as being wrong,, trying to build myself back up,, quite a difficult process.. not sleeping at the moment because i can't get my brain to switch off,, odd thing is though that i am numb so the thoughts and memories and flashbacks are all there without the actual emotions attached.. its disorienting but i can see why my mind is protecting me, especially cause wednesday i had it all and it was far too intense to actually handle,, hit rock bottom again and completely which was and is hard to realise i had come so far to just have it shut down.. i am supposed to see a new psychiatrist (which is what set me back after telling my story) but i find myself not really wanting to,, i suppose its just me trying to protect myself from getting hurt again.. the only place i feel like i can be myself at all and talk without fear of being rejected or shut down is here on the community and especially in my diary.. i feel guilty though because i want to be stronger,, but i can't sort through the emotions or thoughts or memories,, actually can't really sort through anything at the moment, none of my grounding or distraction techniques are working because the flashbacks are taking over everything at the moment.. i've been listening to music constantly for the last 8 hours in the hope it will help,, the lyrics to most of the songs i've been listening are kind of describing the turmoil i am in at the moment,, its all just very intense now.. sorry for the negativity
@calmLake1999
Its ok to be just how you are and to look after yourself. The words we use so often and are so relevant in healing from trauma... self compassion and patience.. give yourself the time and space you need. There is no pressure and no expectations.We are here with you. x
@calmLake1999
Sorry I'm so late in responding. It sounds like in spite of how hard it was for you yesterday, you have been fighting. You are pushing yourself forward. Sometimes I think numb is an okay space to give us a short break with dealing with something so intense - I know I have used that myself at times. Please try not to feel guilty - you are doing what you can as you can. I think our brain protects us, and it helps us to know when we can and when we can't.
@KristenHR
That's ok Kristen,, i am still fighting,, fighting every day.. I'm having a self-care day today much needed as my body is mind are both exhausted,, especially after such a powerful breakthrough yesterday.. Guilt comes far too easily for me but trying to remind myself that i do not need to feel guilty for not moving as far forward as i percieve as right.. Thank you for responding,, hope you are well!!
@KristenHR
Hey Kristen, happy February! 🌹
I think this month I'm going to focus on lowering my ambition to a healthy level :) I usually try to be first place in everything with the belief that below perfection is bad. That is especially true when it comes to business competitions for me since I want to go to college for an MBA after next year and I think I have to be perfect but I really don't need to be. So in short, I'm going to be less tough on myself ^^ It's good to shoot for As and first places but 2nd or 3rd doesn't devalue me as a person.
Great post as usual! Hope your day goes well! 🌻🍯🌻
@TheHoneyDoll
Yes i love this post too! Thinking that this is a really good focus. I can relate to striving for the old perfectionism.. driven by the inner critic...and the pressure that it puts on you. There is some relief in accepting that doing one's best is good enough.and a lower grade is just fine. Wishing you well with this.x
@TheHoneyDoll
I love this statement you made... "It's good to shoot for As and first places but 2nd or 3rd doesn't devalue me as a person." What a great example of being gentle on ourselves with that gray thinking rather than all or nothing. There is middle gound and this is a a wonderful example that is clear to help show this.
Im losing my therapist soon because she is taking time away from her career to home school her kids. ive been with her for 2+ years and this is a difficult thing for me. I am looking for the possiblity of a new therapist. One option im considering is an online therapist. i know they offer those here. has any one tried that? can you compare it to in person therapy and give me some pros and cons from your experience?
@copingwithtrauma
Yes, losing your therapist after this length of time is difficult.There will be a letting go and a sense of loss, and then a transition to building a relationship with a new therapist. I haven't had any experience with online theapy myself, but know that others do find it works for them. As with any therapy the "fit' for you with the therapist is probably the most important. Hoping others will share their experience with you. x
@rozie
Thanks so much. I appreciate the validation. I appreciate your committment to encouraging others here.
@copingwithtrauma.
Hello
I have been using an online therapist since September. Yes, there are many drawbacks. One they respond only when they can and they are not able to hold long conversations in their posting. My Therapist and I have had an awful time relating to one another. Because you can not see their reactions or hear the tones in which they are speaking it makes it harder than in person. We have got into some bad arguments. Only to make up and keep starting over. Don't know if that is good or bad
Pros: You don't have to look at them when you talk about sensitive things, They don't know you, A new experience
I want to do better with my eating. I tend to stress eat, sometimes to the point where it hurts bc I get so bloated. I listened to a Tony Robbins video on Youtube today and it helped me realize that I can change. So Im going to try. I want to be more active, read and write and especially meditate.
@ravancs
Good to hear from you today! And to realize that you can change is the beginning of change. So one step at a time,and noticing each step..Hoping you really enjoy being more active, reading and writing and meditating. Do let us know how it goes.. x
@KristenHR Hi Kristen. Was feeling a but shaky today. Maybe juzt need to get going on some things. Came here and tried a new Listener....got called an idiot...so THAT happened. 😕 Just not sure it will ever feel safe to be vulnerable in front of anyone again
@SpruceRaven
BLARG, they suck. That's NO way to treat you. I hope you report them so they can get properly reprimanded.
If you struggle with finding decent listeners, maybe try one of the people from this community? Well, when you feel like trusting or attempting it again. I get where you're coming, and I don't typically use listeners or chats very often due to similar reasons. Hope you feel better, Raven.
@CaloenasNicobarica Thank you soooo much!
@KristenHR
There is a lot I'd like to do over. The main thing would be I wish I would've opted out of the local college and used the money to start a savings and get myself together enough to continue working. That was around the time where some of my major traumas occurred, and my downfall into agoraphobia. It would've made things a lot easier, and I would have been able to sustain myself. I wouldn't be where I am and would be able to have gotten out of this stuff easier.
Where I am currently, I just started my new block o'schooling today. Got things cleared away, even switched out the classes I didn't think I could do right now, and I'm taking another shot at using a productivity system since I struggle with that massively. Thank you, disassociation. X_X; I have things to get done before the end of the month. Hoo, I need to keep focused. Right now, I'm just letting myself sit with my new class and wind down before I do anything today. Got psych later, should be pretty productive. I feel pretty good today, actually! <3 *rolls around like a cat*
Hey guys :) Good to see you again. Im sorry I havent been around but I've been real sick. I'm putting this hear as I know and believe this may be of interest to some of you.<3
Technology and social media is all around us and can be used to great effect, however things can easily turn and you cant always press undo Believe it or not, kids are not the only victims of cyberbullying. Adults can just as easily become prey to bullying through these means.
Just because words are online doesnt mean it doesnt have the power to hurt and to drive some to contemplate suicide. Im sure there are many of us on cups who have met our fair share of supporting members and listeners who have been bullied in some shape or form. But there is a lot of ignorance when it comes to online bullying, what is it, what constitutes it, is it that bad, is it that traumatic and so on. Wed like to overcome the ignorance that surrounds online bullying and would like to begin by asking members and listeners to begin brainstorming this simple task of how they perceive online bullying to be and subsequently, the impact this has. It wont take much of your time up and so if you have a few moments we kindly ask to spare a little of your time.
We would like like to ask you to following:
Why do people get bullied?
What does online bullying behaviour look like?.
What sets bullying apart from other online behaviour? Eg A pattern of repeated aggression. (Bullying is rarely a one time thing
Have you been a witness of online bullying? How did this feel for you (without giving identifying details)
What ideas do you feel could be considered to tackle online bullying?
We will come back to you after time enough time has been given for you all to provide information on this topic and we will are planning an anti-bullying event currently to take place on cups for anyone who would like to take part when it happens. More information will become available nearer the time.
@dancingRainbow45
Hi rainbow.. I hope your feeling better.. Sorry you were sick 💖..
I think people bully others in order to feel or to take their insecurities out on others.. Its by no means right but I think that might be there way too deal.. Social media and technology is awful cause schoolyard bullying which used to only happen in the schoolyard is now being transferred to why kids are at home or out and about which makes them feel very unsafe..
I can't contribute anymore think my brain is loosing its will. But I experienced I don't know if its considered bullying or not but by my family they hacked my social media accounts. Sent me constant abusive messages and posted up unsettling statuses on my Facebook which pushed me to just shut down all social media aspects.. I never felt safe anywhere when this happened.. Felt like all my privacy and stuff was stolen..
Anywho hope you are feeling better now and its great to have you back x 💖💖
@calmLake1999 Hey Lake good to see you <3
I think you give a really good reason as to why others may bully others online or in real life "I think people bully others in order to feel or to take their insecurities out on others". I think your right that social media and technology is an awful cause of schoolyard bullying which is now sadly being transferred to the home and leaves many people feeling very unsafe.
If you feel able would you copy and paste the above few lines onto this forum thread where we are trying to condense peoples answers to these questions before moving on to planning an anti bullying event and responding to everyones responses. Also it would be great to keep the checksins for what they are, thanks 
What you said however, about how your family hacked into your accounts and send your abusive messages and posted up unsettling statuses is abusive and statuses and accounts can be closed down by contacting the relevant provider of that service. Anything that leaves you feeling violated, harassed, unsafe, is not okay and is a form of bullying where someone is trying to use their power over you to hurt,, frighten, intimidate you etc but it sounds from what you said that this kind of behaviour goes beyound that
Let
Omg you guyssssss!!!!! I was so freaking nervous because I had to do an interview with my German instructor and have a conversation in German and omggggggg!!! That was actually awesome and I really like her!! 😁🙌🏻
@BeeLeigh Toll! Und gut getan! Ich gratuliere Ihnen!
Danke @SpruceRaven! I
@BeeLeigh Biite sehr, ...& no hay de que. You've got this! Have fun!
@SpruceRaven
😁💜🤞🏻
