Emotionally abused by parents, still trying to understand it
My therapists have said that I was emotionally abused by my mother, and I still have a hard time considering her actions abuse, but things keep coming back that make me think maybe it was abuse. She yelled a lot about everything and the worst part I remembered in the past year was that I used to see her as two separate beings, one was my mom, and the other was a monster with eyes that were always filled with rage, that would just stare right through you as she yelled. I'm 29, and only realized a year ago when it happened again - that I saw her as the angry one - that I realized I had mentally split her into two beings a long time ago. For some reason I can not move past this. I am not sure if anyone here knows what I am talking about. I feel like I can't trust anyone ever and I've had therapists say it's because I couldn't trust my mom. I want to get past it and be able to have healthy relationships with people but I can't seem to do that. Can anyone relate?
I have and still am dealing with similar trust issues because of my dad. He was never there even when he said he would be. He was unreliable and it has caused me to be very weary of trusting of people but particularly the males I am in relationships with.
It's so hard, I pull away from people who are trying to be friends or get to know me. I just thought other people were mean but now I think I'm the jerk. I push people away over anything that makes me even a little uncomfortable. I find it harder to relate to women, perhaps that is because it was my mom, like you said you can't relate to men... I never made that connection.
I know exactly what you are going through, my mom has multiple personality disorder so until the age of 14 I was physically mentally and sexualy abuse. I have very little memory of what exactly happens but I do get fragmentanted memories of it. I can tell you though that until I was able to accept that my mom wasn't the person she aught to have been and be able to relise she was sick in the head and to attempt to forgive her that I was finally able to come to terms with it and move on, I was 29 when I finally attempted to forgive her. I am 32 now and it feels as the a whole that's been around forever has finally closed and I feel a little more at peace with my self
Thank you, that helps, and I'm sorry you had to go through that. It's so weird, when I was growing up, I just thought every parent was like that, I was a teenager before I realized that is not the case. I have started to accept it, and when I'm around my mom now, things are better. Have you had trouble trusting people? Have you found anything that helps?
Yes I have an extremely hard time trusting people and I am really scared of every one around me even my own brother, but after attempting to forgive my mom I have been learning to remember that not every one is out to hurt me, nor is every one lieing to me. It has been difficult but I put myself out there now, I got into tabletop gaming and started getting around people into this and I have been able to open up a little.
I go through phases, then I feel like someone hurts me and I back out of all my friendships and away from my boyfriend, eventually ending up spending all my time I'm not working in bed. Sometimes for days in a row. It's kind of become the running joke amongst friends /coworkers that I'm just really nice sometimes and a bitch the rest of the time. After a while when you have a grudge against everyone in your life, it just becomes so draining to even go to work, or to leave your house. I will be okay then so slowly slip back into what you said - that everyone is out to get me or hurt me - without even realizing it. Do you still have those times when you fall backwards like that? Slip into the same patterns?
Yes not as bad as it use to be the very first time I lashed out at some I was 14 and living at a foster care home , I threw a rock at a girl, but after lots of counseling and attempts at breaking my norm routine I don't lash out at people as much every once in a while I just get into a argument with a friend but most of the time I'm fine
I relate very very much with all of u as my mom was the ultimate abuser im 28 now and I can never forget what she has done. Sexual, physical and verbal abuse and the other personality was the mom who spent her life working and sacrificing her time power age to spoil us. I never knew should I hate her or love her . I don't trust ppl. She ruined my life and at the same time she fulfilled all my needs. She controlled minupulate me. She turned me to a follower and no confidence no trust and obeeeese but I'm lovable and kind and polite . I suffer and yesterday I encouraged myself and told her u verbally abuse me and her reaction was that she burst and cursed and turned into the usual monster
I'm sorry you had to go through such hard things, and thank you for sharing that with me. It helps to know that there are others who can understand how difficult this is. Every time I tried to tell my mom that she had said / done something hurtful she would answer with emotionless phrases like "you are taking that out of context" or "I never did that". It makes you think you are crazy, to this day I'm still not always sure if the things I remember actually happened. I stopped trying to confront her about it, which was actually my therapist's advice. It helped, but hurt at the same time, like you know someone wronged you but they will never know or understand, or feel the need to gain your forgiveness. My parents always provided the material necessities that my family needed so I had a hard time, like you, trying to understand if she was a good parent or not.
Just so you know my mom still has not had therapy and completely refuse any treatment, I no longer know if she is alive or not, yes it is hard to be angry or confused or even hurt that it happens and there is nothing you can do, but that isn't the case for every one, the best I could do was try to help her or try to get my mom help after awhile when I knew it was not gonna get through to my mom, I did the only thing I could do I forgave and haven't turned back since. But you should do what you think is best just cause my way help doesn't mean it will help you or not, every situation is different and every one is different, so its up to you to gain the courage needed to do what needs to be done. From helping your mom or even forgiving her which by the way will be really hard to do
It took me till the begining of this year to realise just what my mum actually was and what she did was so wrong im 42. It is hard to accept how and what they did over the years.
I have a mental wall that I keep up at all times and people find it hard to get to know me or to get me to open up and when they attempt to I verbally lash out, it has taken me a while to bring it down but even when it is down it is only partially down. I can tell you opening up to people is not easy and really hard to do. The. Best way to do it is by doing activies a group of people enjoy that you also enjoy learn who they are and see what type of people they are, when you come to the conclusion they won't hurt you open up a little and after doing this for a time you will relise that not everything is what it seems. It will also help you with confidence cause your attempting something you normally wouldn't do
i feel like have been abused by my mom emotionally too
but unlike you i get to trust people to easy and end up idealizing them and hurting myself because even thought my mom abused me emotionally she has always been there for me
i feel like the two sides of my mom are really marked in my case too but i look for acceptance too fast and trust to fast and it shouldnt work like that i dont want to feel like im sick but i know im not living a healthy life
The next time you you meet some one new instead of just jumping in and trusting so easily why not stop yourself collect your thoughts and try learn more about that person, sometimes remember that not every one is who the say they first claim to be is not who the may actually be later, you just need to remember to slow and pace yourself around people so your mind has time to understand who you are with
I can relate to this as well, except that for me her two sides were ?best friend? and ?monster?. From very early on she relied on me for a lot of personal struggles, and I felt like I was responsible for her anger outbursts - I was the only one who sometimes had the power to calm her down before things got too bad. Emotional abuse is a tricky thing, because it leaves behind no visible scars but the effects are always there, and it makes trust and relationships so hard - even just interacting with people who come from functional families is hard! I?ve never been able to tell anyone about it, because I feel immensely guilty - after all, she did keep us housed and fed, and she?s proud of who I am now and likes to take credit for it. And I suppose for me the other dimension is that she?s a friend that I would never want to hurt or expose these secrets about. I?ve been to counselling twice because I needed to figure out how to move forwards, but I?ve still not been able to tell the truth about what my childhood was like. So I?m afraid I don?t have any tangible answers, but I?m glad to be able to relate - hopefully we will be able to figure this out together!
Have any off these been refered to as narcassists? I only heard it used recently so looked into this and i was actually relieved when i rread about it all
I've wondered about that! I don't think so in my case though, or at least I refuse to see her as the villain. In many ways I find it easier to place the blameon my dad, because his absence of support to either of us was in my mind what led to the circumstances... though I should know better than to play the blame game.
Not for me my mom had around 5 different personalities she would switch between all of them complete with different names and even fake background histories, that is what multiple personality disorder is
I think I will open up and say something about my past I've never told any one, because some of this is hard to let go of and I need to. I remember a child hood moment with my mom and my brother, we were moving around a lot when I was around 10- 13 1/2 years old, we were at a hotel and our mom got extremely angry and started hitting on me, well my brother ran into the bather and shut the door but there was no lock on the door, so I threw myself on the door and stayed there. That day hurt really badly for about a half hour to and hour I was beaten and the next hour or so she got off on me, but she was never able to get through that door to my brother who she was truly angry at. I didn't let her she was forced to take out all of her anger and pent up frustrations on me that day, it was the most painful and most confusing day I have ever been through
I'm really sorry for that. I have similar horrible memories I will share
This is first thread I HAVE SEEN LIKE THIS EVEN THOUGH IT IS SAD IT IS COMFORTING.
Sorry caps love too all. It comforting because it is validating. I have really hard time discussing openly about things.one reason is judgementthe other is it all has been confusing to me because I HAS BEEN INVALIDATED MY WHOLE LIFE in regards to my experiences. Its first nature for me too do the same to myself even thoughat thesame time I want to be recognized and understood.
PPeople would think i had the problem when i said my mum hated me from the day i drew breath but sadly this was true. My dad before he passed away backed that up he said the same and he has no clue why she hated me so much. I have been at her mercy right up till 2008 when i decided i had no other choice but to cut all ties. Im emotionally scarred for life. She abused me physically and mentally till i had no self worth left
That is not easy to deal with, but if she can't appreciate you and who you are then I guess she is missing out, all I know is that every person I've met so fare that has survived and learn to live with what they went through are ussualy very amazing people, it just takes a little bit to finally meet them through all of their defensive mechanisms they have set up
I didn't realize my mother was abusive until I was your age either. She was such a good abuser that she had me brainwashed that I deserved the way she treated me because I was a bad person.. I also grew up being taught that all parents hated their children because they were an interruption to their lives. Love was a technicality, an obligation because they were your child. I am still struggling to deal with the effects of this on my life in the present.
