feeling down
might be triggering to some
this year we having hard time this holiday season seem to be bothering' us more then ity has in past we keep seeing our 3 kids at Christmas time us making cookies with them making Christmas ornaments with them too then them opening their gifts it was in like first week of feb they was taken into fostercare
only a year later in may close to mother day was lat time we saw them never had goodbye visit either last thing said to them was see you next week but that day did not come whaat hurts even more is that due to social worker getting bounce money for putting kids in adaptable homes they did very little to help us to be ready fir kids to come home
then the lady they let adopted them abused them in awful ways she had them taken away and she was only put in adult foster care here so that hurts even more for us
been having bad flashbacks about both abuse by ex hubby but also the abuse in childhood
Christmas break from school is when we was raped by 3 boys 2 of them being our brothers so that been in the flashbacks too keep thinking it might be coming up more due to we safe not near any of them it been 8 years now been like 3 yeas since parents even visited so maybe why s0 much is coming up but scary too
Christmas time not happy time for us at all
@stormieandpaws. Christmas can be a really hard time for those remembering and missing loved ones. It’s understandable how you would be thinking about your children and those painful memories at this time. I’m sorry to hear about all of the flashbacks as well.
Sorry to hear that it's a rough time of year for you as well, @stormieandpaws, know that you're not alone and I hope there is still some good in this festive season for you. Flashbacks and reminders of horrible times are not easy at the best of times, but can be that bit worse over the darker months of winter and especially holidays. Take care.
@FenrirWolf
thank you we feel alone in this as offline we really have no one we trust to talk about this stuff the offline therapist is always saying how we handle things well but really we at times do not but everyone see the smile on our face so they think everything ok even when it not at all so online were most our support is
@stormieandpaws, that's relatable and will make the time of year harder. It's good you're on Cups and have this community to turn to, and I hope it helps at least.
@stormieandpaws
I am really sorry that this Christmas is bringing up so many painful memories for you. It must have been heartbreaking to lose your children because of the circumstances you were placed in. It is even more painful to know later that they were not kept safe. When the world around us is in a festive mood, it is very common for old wounds and memories to come back strongly. I can feel how deeply this is hurting you. What you are feeling is completely understandable, and many people with similar experiences feel the same way. You are not alone in this.
What happened was never your choice. Sometimes life puts us in situations where we can only make the best possible decision with what we have. You did everything you could with the resources and support available to you. The failure was on those who were supposed to care for your children and did not fulfil their responsibility. Their actions were wrong — not yours. You never wished harm for your children, and none of what happened is your fault.
I understand how heavy all of this feels on your heart, especially during the holiday season. There is nothing wrong with you for feeling this way. When there are so many painful memories and unresolved emotions, anyone would struggle. You don’t have to carry this alone. You’re safe here, and it’s okay to take things slowly. None of this was your fault. Please be gentle with yourself. You deserve care, comfort, and kindness too.
@Eternalbliss00
thank you so many things that happened we was blamed for it hard to see the things as not our fault when others blame us
we at one time online went into a forum we at first was supported but as soon as we opened up about losing our kids and parental rights they band us called up abuser this was a abuse suppport one for one who were abused in their childhood so even online years later we blamed for things that were not in our control
we know that things we did to kids were not good at times but we due to past thought they was normal talking about things like spanking, yelling, belittling stuff like that as soon as we know they was not normal we changed how we were too we love our kids feel so sorry they been through so much
as a mom we worry about them even after not seeing and not talking to them for many many years most not get this worst then losing a child to death as we know they out there not know if they ok have what they need etc that always on our mind
we feel alone most the time as even when chatting others leave or go quiet we feel like we unwanted around other even at times online we have offline made some friends but they not know we DID and not know much about us feel it safe this way as most of them are ftom our church we go too
thank you for supporting us for being here for us
@stormieandpaws
Thank you for sharing your feelings. I can understand how painful it is when others don’t understand us, especially when we are already hurting.
I want to gently remind you that when people blame us, it does not mean we are truly at fault. They speak from their own limited understanding. Only you know what you went through and what you tried to do. You did the best you could for your children with the knowledge and support you had at that time. You changed and improved when you learned better, and that shows how much you care. The people who were responsible for their safety are the ones who failed them — not you.
Please don’t carry this pain alone. Sharing your feelings with safe people can help lighten the weight on your mind and give you different perspectives. You don’t have to suffer in silence.
You are not to blame. You did not act with bad intentions. Life doesn’t always give us the situations we want, but none of this means you were a bad parent or a bad person. You deserve compassion, understanding, and suppor
t too.
@stormieandpaws sits beside you and hugs you tightly 💖 the holidays can be very hard🙁 and it's understandable that this is a very upsetting time of year for you. So many bad memories 😥 trauma just never seems to get easier does it🙁 and the situation with you and your kids is truly heartbreaking I'm so sorry sweetie 😥 hopefully when they are teenagers they will reach out to you, and you'll get a happy ending. I really hope and pray that happens for you 💖 sending you all my love and letting you know I'm here for you 💖
@Tinywhisper11
thank you all our kids are adults oldest is almost 32yr old her birthday jan14th we know she in adult foster care and we also know due to that we have to go through her social worker already was told no we can not see her next one is 30yr old we know after her adopted mom lost the kids she was in foster care again until 17th when a older lady adopted her her birthday dec 14th and our youngest and only son is 27yr old is birthday oct 8th last we know was he was in some kinda boys home due to he been in trouble with the law since he was 9yr when he was about 16yr the child worker connected some of our family they wanted family to take him but our ex sis in law and niece looked into taking him went to a meeting so did our parents but due to how much trouble he been in and what type they in no way could take him our niece not much older then him also she said she be in fear if he was in home with her
sis in law due to baby sitting a young girl and being not able to handle him due to reports she seen at meeting could not take him our parents would not be able to handle him also was told due to their health and age they could not take him so after that meeting that our parents told us some of we heard nothing about any of our kids
they was very young last time we saw them son was only 3yr old girls were 6yr and 8yr last time saw them was around mother day in may 2001 think this year it hitting us harder due to being safe out of the abuse and not hearing from parents much at all also due to we got that our parents will not be around much longer due to age and health reasons
some of our abusers have already passed many we not know were they be few we know have been in jail even prison for doing things that they did to us in part too so think due to information we have and well working more and more as a team it hitting us very hard this year
we know also our ex hubby moved now he not far from us we did a like personal check online to see were he was we do this every few years
some say this crazy to check were he living but we just not want to run into him in like a store so make us feel safer knowing were ex hubby lives many of the other abusers in our childhood we not seen in very long time and well not heard of them even not think we even know them if we saw them either so we not really feel they would hurt us now if that makes sense
hope holidays for you not bring up bad memories glad you safe too
@stormieandpaws you've been through so much bless you 🙁 it must be hard to know your kids are out there somewhere and you can't see them😥 I wish I could take away all your pain. Life can be very cruel🙁 but just look how far you've come you've made it through the worst, hopefully everything will only get better from now 💖 hugs you tightly 💖
@Tinywhisper11
thank you we came a long way we no longer in abuse but yes effect us in every way think the hardest is knowing that our physical health issues some of them linked to the abuse will last rest of our life
the mental and emotional affects of the abuse are there too right now not sure why but the connection between the abuse memories and emotions seem to be connection more strongly
someone said maybe the honeymoon time is over and now the real being safe has set in this giving a right to feel the emotions as they connected to the abusive things
we not sure if that can even happy but we been more angry and feelings of hurtfulness keep coming too we not self harmed in long time but them feeling coming up too
@stormieandpaws feelings and emotions can be very scary and hard to understand. But what's important is to be able to feel them, if your angry, upset or anything else then let yourself he that, it's best not to ignore your feelings💖 although I know that's not easy to do. But you are safe now always remind yourself that💖 healing doesn't always feel nice but I'm here for you, we all are 💖 how has your day been today?
@Tinywhisper11
thanks yesterday was busy with last group meeting this year for our small group will not met again until next fall but we still will be in connected with them as we have a like text group setup
then today was medical doctor appointment mostly med review then setting up by phone few other medical things
so is good to just be able to just be tonight and tomorrow
we still feeling angry about a lot that been coming up also unsure too but we allowing self to feel even journaling some of the feelings out and why we feeling them with some of the memories too
sure you understand that all too
but yes somethings we still unable to believe what we remembering too also unable to fully talk about them fear others will not believe they could even happen but they did at least we think they did self doubt at times like are we remembering wrong was it really that bad or even id our mind playing tricks on us
so still not doing good
@stormieandpaws You're not alone! Some times grief won't give you a break. Winter is especially hard on the emotions. I'll be praying for you!
@breanac19
thank you we just having a hard time with memories , health stuff and now we going to lose our home aid that going to add to things a lot but we always bounce back get through hard times even learn from them our faith helps us a lot as we feel we spiritually not alone even when we alone in other ways if that makes sense to you
we keep thinking about were kids be they all adults if they ok do they have their needs met sometime we think this harder then if they died as they out there in this word as far as we know so we can only pray for them give them over to God care but even that hard at times
thank you for the prayers and support
I'm so sorry Hun social worker don't really like to keep family together like they say they do I know from experience
@Zayla1986
thanks at time we lost the kids there was a trail program only in few counties in our state it was were they payed social workers to get kids into abopted homes it was met to be used to help kids gget out of forster care who were already in it but it was abused by some social workers they took kids mostly from low income families who only could use court appointed lawyers many like us lost parental rights most in like a year the trail program was shut down in less then 5 years for reason it was being abused by social workers so they could get the extra money many of the kids taken and put in homes that adopted them were taken from them homes end up back in forster care due to abuse in them homes that happened to our kids
feel bad for the kids
If that program was being abused why didn't you guys get a chance to get your kids back that's not fair to you all
@Zayla1986
it not work that way sadly ones it was most unfair to our the kids not just our kids but all the kids taken within this trial program they was all from low income families who could not afford to fight due to no money to pay lawyers and court appointed ones not really work for the families due to being payed by the government sadly
yes it was unfair but we learned very very very young life not fair
I'm sorry Hun