April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month (SAAM)

@ASilentObserver

Thank you for posting this! It is great to spread awareness on the topic.

@ASilentObserver

Thank you for posting this for me, it means a lot ❤️ And thank you to everyone else who has opened up and shared your story, you’re amazing💕

@ASilentObserver

• Have you or someone you know experienced sexual violence? If so what are some things that have helped you or that person cope with your experiences? What is your favorite coping skill?

I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse where my best friends father was the rapist. At that point I wasn't able to process what really happened and pushed everything away. It wasn't until I was grown up the memories of it reappeared. I have tried many coping skills, some not so good, but the ones I do think helped me was just going outside and go for a walk by the sea or in the woods trying to be mindful, listening to music and singing, gardening and crafts but also meditation and mindfulness excercises.

• Is there anything you feel people don’t usually know about that you would like for people to be more aware of regarding sexual assault?

Something I believe many victims and people around them don't know about is the fact the most common reaction to being raped is "freeze"-response. You'd like to think you will be screaming, kicking and try to get away, but your mind takes over and in that threatenening situation you freeze. And there's nothing you can do about it. It's a built in reaction to protect yourself. Many victims may think they didn't make resistens enough and that you let it happen and blame yourself.

• If you could say one thing to help someone who has experienced sexual assault or abuse to give them hope or inspiration, what would it be?

I always start by saying:

"I believe you" since one of the fears and reasons victims don't tell is because they are afraid of peoples reactions.

The second thing I tell them is:

"I was not your fault". (The blame is with the person doing it to you) There's so much shame and guilt involved and the victims needs to hear this over and over as (in my experience) most victims blame themselves in one way or the other.

The third thing is:

"It can get better". It's easy to think the memories, flashbacks, nightmares, panic attacks and anxiety that can follow sexual abuse can get better by talking about it and by doing things for yourself and with therapy. It may br a roller coaster ride, but it can get better.

@ASilentObserver @TayTayy Thank you so so so much for this post. It's so important to recognize all the different stories because so few people are truly listened to about SA.

Have you or someone you know experienced sexual violence? If so what are some things that have helped you or that person cope with your experiences? What is your favorite coping skill?

• Yes, I have. It was over the course of about 4 years when I was much much younger. I have found very few positive, helpful coping mechanisms. The few that I have found are allowing myself to feel whatever I may be feeling at the time, then moving on (may not be helpful to most, but I find it helpful), reading stories (mostly fanfiction, in all honesty) of characters I enjoy going through rough patches and seeing how they cope, and relying on my religion to help me accept and forgive. My favorite coping skill would have to be reading stories, I've always found comfort in fiction, especially realistic fiction.

Is there anything you feel people don’t usually know about that you would like for people to be more aware of regarding sexual assault?

• SA does not have to be someone you know, even if it's repeated instances. I know what 2 of my abusers looked like, I still see them around town often. I know the first name of another abuser, he was my cousin's ex-boyfriend and a nurse at a local hospital. I did not know any of these people outside of what happened. I know next nothing about any of them, and nothing besides what I wrote above. You may not know them, and you may not be able to report them to the justice system. You may not even be able to tell anyone what happened. That does not make what happened fake or made up or unreal. You and your experiences are valid and I wish you all the best in life.

If you could say one thing to help someone who has experienced sexual assault or abuse to give them hope or inspiration, what would it be?

• A slight variation of one of my favorite Youtubers: "You are loved. You are valuable. And you (and your experiences) are valid." I love you, you are so so so strong. Please hold on to hope, and never give up on seeking help. You deserve help and love and care and kindness. You are wonderful. I believe in you, you've got this. Keep going. <3<3<3
  

@ASilentObserver

• Have you or someone you know experienced sexual violence? If so what are some things that have helped you or that person cope with your experiences? What is your favorite coping skill?
  Yes I have.
  Somatic Experiencing Tools, Urge Surfing, Mindfulness, Validation
  Self-care
  
  
• Is there anything you feel people don’t usually know about that you would like for people to be more aware of regarding sexual assault?
  There are probably just as many female-identified perpetrators as male-identified perpetrators. Repressed and resurfacing/recovered memories are a scientific fact. Respect boundaries and consent the first time it's expressed, stop making people repeat themselves endlessly to have their boundaries respected just because you think they're too sensitive or avoidant.
  
  
• If you could say one thing to help someone who has experienced sexual assault or abuse to give them hope or inspiration, what would it be?
  
  You didn't deserve it, I know it's hard to bear the pain of something like this without there being a reason or purpose behind the pain. Maybe you had behaviors and said things that made you more vulnerable but you did not deserve it, you're not to blame.
  
  You can take responsibility for your own recovery and it's unfair that you have to do so much work to recovery from something you literally did not ask for. You don't have to be strong, it's okay to break down. What happened was awful, your feelings are valid. You're not alone.

@ASilentObserver

I contemplated for a while if I wanted to share or not. But why write a post if I'm not even gonna answer my own questions.

• Have you or someone you know experienced sexual violence? If so what are some things that have helped you or that person cope with your experiences? What is your favorite coping skill?

I have. Almost my entire life has been me being hurt by my dad and others. I don't have a lot of coping skills but lately music has been my go to. I also have two amazing supports who I have actually felt safe and comfortable enough with to open up to them about it. I don't know if I would be able to deal with it without them.

• Is there anything you feel people don’t usually know about that you would like for people to be more aware of regarding sexual assault?

I think people don't realize how many aspects of your life it can affect. I struggle to form simple relationships, to be able to interact with people in a "normal" way, school is so hard, trust is close to impossible. Everything circles back to what happened to me in some way. I am always on edge and looking over my shoulder. I view myself as nothing more than a body and object for people to use. I also feel like people don't understand the trauma responses that sometimes come with this type of thing. I purposely put myself in situations that I know will hurt me, I basically try to reenact my trauma in a little more of a controlled setting to feel some sense of control. And it's a normal response but it gets a lot of judgment.

• If you could say one thing to help someone who has experienced sexual assault or abuse to give them hope or inspiration, what would it be?

I always try to tell people the things I know I have needed to hear. You are so much more than what happened to you. This is not your fault whatsoever- no matter what you supposedly did to "cause it", the person hurting you made a choice and you have no control over someone else's actions. You are so strong. And even though you may never "get over it" you *can* heal. You don't need to forgive the person, you don't need to "move on". You just need to stay true to yourself and be the best you you can be. They stole so much from you when they hurt you. Don't let them take any more. And just because you didn't make it stop or didn't tell someone right away- or even if you haven't yet, it doesn't mean you're not strong. It just means you weren't/aren't ready. And that's more than okay. It takes time. And someday you will get there if you haven't already. And no matter what, you're not alone because at the very least, you have me ❤️

I have experienced SA and I realized that I have POCD. ALOT of people do not speak about it because they don't understand it. But POCD is very common in people who has been sexually assaulted as a child and in general.

@ASilentObserver I have - still working through most of it or trying to. Tbh - it takes alot for me to even admit it happened

I guess - I'd like to say that I think it happens T to boys and men alot more often then the numbers say. I don't mean to invalidate anything or anyone by saying that. Its kind of like someone else said about what were you wearing - with boys - some people make comments about how now you're a man. These things aren't right to say - it doesn't matter what someone wears - it didn't make me a man - it made me a messed up adult

Idk - this isn't sounding the way I wanted it to - I'm sorry if I upset anyone

I personally have been sexual abused 3 times. 2 times as a preteen by family friends. Once at 23 at work.

The most recent, I was sexually assault.

Feeling like you're world is shattered is normal! You will be a exhausted that you have never experienced and don't know how to explain. Take care of yourself, eat something even if you don't feel like it because it's a marathon to heal.

Self care!

When you have good days, go outside. Even if it's 5 minutes at a time.

Create a one word code list to share to family and friends you trust in case you start having any kind of attacks. You tell a trusted friend/family member the code. They instantly will know your needs in that moment.

Favorite coping skill, for me was retreating into my safe place in the house. If I had to leave the house, I would do my make up. I knew I didn't look much different. I felt safer, meaning I felt different.

The abuse/ assault is your trauma. Your friends and family will have trauma from wanting to help you and not knowing how. R.A.I.N.N. allows you to reach out annoyamously to have someone to talk to. They can help offer coping skills. They are 24x7. They also provide family members to call and get help to be able to help the victim and process.

One thing I would say, that's hard because there is alot of things I would say. All things that were said to me and were a huge part of my success.

1) it's perfectly okay if you did or didn't get a kit done. There is no shame in it. What's important is you made a choice best for you in that moment.

2) you will gain control over your feelings, thoughts, actions again, even though you feel like you won't in this moment.

3) if you have the ability to talk to someone safe about what happen. Talk about it, talk about your feelings. Denying what happened and not talking about it doesn't make it go away.

4) you will feel like you have gone insane. You haven't. I assure you. Your life just got put in a blender and than thrown up in the air. It all will come together again, may not be exactly like it was, but it does.

5) you will want to do big dramatic changes. Try and limit the stuff you change into you level back out. You might regret, or add more pain to what you're going through.

6) I won't lie and tell you it goes away completely. Because I'm a year into healing and there is still points it gets me. However, if you get help sooner than later. It affects you not nearly as long.

7) find survivor support groups. This can help with coping skills ideas, support, or even a safe place to talk about what your feeling. Knowing your not alone makes a huge difference.

So sad but true. You can't even trust your own friends to not do you any harm. Sadly it's been 14 years and it was reported but I was harassed until I with drew my complaint. It still has the same kick to the gut that it did the day it happened. And maybe it's bc I never sought out any real help. Guess I'll never know!!