Why are we our own biggest doubters? 🙄
Thanks for tagging me! 🙂
I like to think of self-doubt as a part of ourselves that learned we needed to be protected, and if our environments which we grew up in weren't nurturing or supportive, then we had to adapt by relying on ourselves to be the nurturer and supporter.
What self-doubt is really trying to do is call attention to potential threats in the environment, and sometimes it can get in the way of our growth because while we need to feel safe—we also need to be able to navigate danger without running away from ourselves. A lot of people who experience self-doubt struggle processing through guilt and shame.
It's almost like the protection isn't what's needed in that moment of self-doubt. Rather what's needed is understanding, support, and encouragement.
I like to think of self-doubt as the childish part of ourselves that needs a parent. And while we're adults now, if that childish part is calling the shots, then it's almost mirroring the role of a caregiver. But a child shouldn't be a parent.
That's where I believe we, as our adult selves, must acknowledge what our inner child is doing, and thank them for doing a great job at helping to raise us and teach us and protect us. We also have a responsibility to nurture that child because we are our own parent now. They shouldn't be parenting us... We should be parenting them.
That's what I think about self-doubt.
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@GentleFish
Thank you, you highlight a core aspect for me here, if we do not grow up in a supportive and nurturing environment then how would we have the navigational tools to bypass self doubts? Our inner child becomes our outer adult. It's interesting to see how we can cope with self doubts and maybe even flourish?
@Amanda84
You're welcome! :)
And it's such an important question to ask ourselves.
If we do not grow up in a supportive and nurturing environment then how would we have the navigational tools to bypass self doubts?
This is where inner child work becomes our most valuable tool.
A technique I learned a few years ago and still use to this day is...
Find a safe space when you're alone, get a mirror, and picture yourself as a child.
Say these 3 things:
"I see you."
"I'm here for you."
"How can I support you right now?"
And listen to what that child says.
The idea is to change the role of the inner child, so they still have a sense of autonomy and we facilitate the support they were deprived of or weren't given.
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@GentleFish a sense of autonomy is key here, that provides adults with being able to decide rather than being crippled with indecision 💜
@Amanda84 @TinyWhisper11.
@Amanda84 thanks for the tag😘
@Amanda84 I think fish wrote it best 💖 but I guess it's hard to see our progress, to acknowledge our own achievements and I only kinda do when someone points it out to me, I'm sure it's that way for many of us. Self doubt is also a big part of depression and ptsd we tend to overthink and then doubt ourselves. It's like a monster in our heads that's hard to ignore.
Your posts and questions are always amazing and thought provoking💖 thank you💖
@Tinywhisper11 thanks for your kind words, you made a very important distinction here, that People who suffer with depression or other illnesses , for them self doubt can be magnified 🥺
I think it's because sometimes it's just we don't trust ourselves... that we're capable of doing something more than we believe we could, sometimes it's just we need a push towards doing something more in any aspect of life, like a reminder that you're worthy and deserving of doing it. But still even when your surrounding is encouraging sometimes it just doesn't feels right, it's the instincts and maybe the pattern from ur past experience you don't wanna repeat or re live... It comes from some feelings like insecurities, overthinking , guilt and fear of hurting ourselves or others and ending up blaming 'ourselves' because we think we caused it and it causes for us to become our biggest self doubters in a certain part of us...
Ps. still doubting if was i wrote was okay.
Thank you for tagging! 🤍
@fossilfellow
You articulated your experience very well. :)
And you're right, there's so much overthinking involved in the self-doubting process. It's like if you make one choice, you've gotten be ready to make a series of choices after it for potential consequences, and you're trapped in this endless maze of solving a million problems.
Talk about exhausting!
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@fossilfellow what you wrote is perfect because it's honest and from your perspective, thank you 💜🥰
@Amanda84
Self-doubters and our own worst critics. 😞
@courageouspanda2006 💜
@Amanda84
I think we’re trained - either self trained or trained by people or an environment or society or past generations - to do things like “match up to or be better than the previous generation or generations” or “live up to a certain standard” or “set up a high standard and live up to it”, things like that. And when we don’t achieve any of these things, we end up self doubting ourselves.
@akunknown generational stresses and pressures, that's a very interesting consideration, thank you 💜🥰
@Amanda84
You are most welcome ❤️
@Amanda84 I never doubt anything I think or do, that's my problem, if I get a negative thought in my head I believe it will come to pass too much
@genericbeing I understand, that's a different way of doing things. Sometimes, I know I've make the right decisions but I annoy myself with the doubt that I'm wrong and sometimes it can take away the joy of things which can be frustrating 💜🥰
@Amanda84 That stinks Amanda, hopefully we can both get over our problems :) *Hug*
@genericbeing hugs to you also 💜
@Amanda84 Maybe because we know ourselves better than anyone else…
@UberRuminator That's a fair point
@Amanda84
I am my biggest doubter because it can be hard to see what others see in me. I am just normal old me, so when I get praise, it conflicts with my internal self.
I'm not trying to be anything in particular. I don't really feel special. But then... I think everyone is special! It's a paradox I haven't yet resolved.
Self-love is hard. I find it much easier to love someone else.
@cyanessence it's easy for sure to live someone else because we can see great traits in others, but seeing them in ourselves means allowing others in and letting them love us 💜🥰
@Amanda84 love not live!
@Amanda84
Like I will never abandon strengthening my love for others, so too will I pursue greater self-love. It is an exercise in building confidence, and confidence opens doors that have no other keys.
@cyanessence and you deserve all the love in the world 💜🥰
@Amanda84 That's a good question.
You don't know what you don't know until you know what you don't know.
Have you ever heard of the Dunning-Kruger effect?
I think that might be what it is for me.
@reservedOwl321 I have not heard of that effect before now but it's a very interesting perspective, thank you 💜🥰