I have no idea what my gender is. I've taken tons of tests and quizzes. I believe I'm genderfluid (born female) but I also prefer they/he. Sometimes I feel both genders sometimes neither or a weird mix. How can I tell?
Last Updated: 08/25/2020 at 7:35pm
Jui Shankar, Ph.D
My worldview offers a systems perspective that values diverse clients and their struggles. I believe supportive and nonjudgmental therapeutic relationships empower clients.
Top Rated Answers
The important thing to know is that gender is on a spectrum-you don’t have to be restricted to “boy” or “girl.” Everyone falls somewhere on this spectrum-for example, I identify as female, but I have a lot of what would be considered male tendencies and traits. In your case, I wouldn’t be stressed out about which category you fall under, because many people do not fall under any one category. It’s okay to feel more feminine one day and then feel more masculine the next (or to feel that you don’t fit either). Identifying as one gender can be stressful if you feel you don’t always fit one. You are you and you don’t have to stick with any one gender.
If your perception of your gender varies, it sounds like you are genderfluid. You identify with different genders in different percentages that vary through time, and you also have moment when you feel agender, and since it's a variable feeling, it seems that you are truly genderfluid. You're completely free to express your identity in a way that fits whatever you feel in a specific moment, remember that your priority is always to feel good about yourself and your self-expression, even if it means changing things through time, to adapt to what you feel about yourself.
Gender isn't always something you can tell! Often it's about how you feel in the moment and what makes you comfortable in that specific period of time. Some find it helpful to experiment with pronouns and gender expression to see what feels best for them. Others feel comfortable with none and prefer to keep the pronouns they/them. As long as you are safe to do so, I would recommend trying things out until you feel like you find what best fits you. It might take time to find what feels best, but that is totally okay. Your gender is yours to discover.
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