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I'm a bi girl but I'm concerned that women won't want to date me because they'd think I'd leave them and men will think I'm a cheater or just want sex. How can I get past this fear?

16 Answers
Last Updated: 08/24/2020 at 12:40pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jessica McDaniel, LPC, LCPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I have been practicing cognitive behavioral psychotherapy since 2007 with a diverse group of adult clients with various diagnoses, all races, and socioeconomic classes.

Top Rated Answers
April 24th, 2015 1:40am
I am also bi. Don't worry. Remember a relationship (weather you are straight, bi, or gay, etc.) is built on trust. How does a straight couple know the other partner will not cheat on them? It is all about trusting each other.
- Expert in LGBTQ+ Issues
August 5th, 2019 10:12pm
The only way to fight the misconceptions the people may have is to spread knowledge. When you start dating, you can tell the other person about your sexuality, and make sure you discuss how it really feels and what it means to be who you are. If they have doubts or perplexities, encourage them to express them, discuss them, and help them overcome them. Sometimes, all people need to become more accepting is the chance to get to know better a reality they don't have a vast knowledge on, and for every person who is given the chance to open their mind, the world gets a bit more inclusive.
January 15th, 2015 7:45am
To get past the fear you will have to accept and love yourself. People may think you are a certain way, but what they think does not control who you are. If you love yourself their thoughts and opinions will become moot compared with the truth you know.
February 15th, 2015 2:41pm
Any fear can be overcome when you expose yourself to it. You are concerned about what others will think about you due to your sexual condition. You cannot control their thought, feeling and actions. however, you can control yours. Do not stop dating women because you fear what they will think about you. Besides, what they will think about you is their business... there's nothing to do with you. Enjoy life and be happy!
April 25th, 2015 2:19am
I am also bisexual. My best advice is to realize that the people who dont want to date you because they think you are a cheater and not worth your time and effort. Decent people will realize that bisexual people are not all cheaters and these are the people who truly deserve a relationship with you.
April 26th, 2015 4:11am
I think that to get past this fear, the best way is to actually experiment the dating. It is important not to generalize, because not all men and women are the same! Each individual can react to situations differently and the only way to really know is to have experience and know what kind of individual is really your type.
May 6th, 2015 7:11pm
you can try and prepare yourself, but experiencing it will be totally different and more intense. I know it's easier said than done but you have to just go out there and experience these relationships whether it's with men or women and you can show them what your all about
August 18th, 2015 4:48am
Honestly, some people might think this, but that is based on their own insecurities, it isn't about you. Remind yourself that you are not people's thoughts, and most people won't even feel this way. The right person will understand there's a difference in attraction and cheating. Your sexuality doesn't make you a cheater or anything, and worrying about that shows you care too much to hurt someone that way. Speak with your partner openly and honestly when the time comes, building a relationship of trust.
November 30th, 2015 7:10pm
this is not true.try to focus on the feelings.not on the thoughts.fears lead you to regrets and makes you unhappy
December 12th, 2015 9:15pm
Try to remember that even though there are lesbians who have these irrational feelings, it is not universal. I am a lesbian, and I have absolutely no problem dating a bisexual girl or any girl attracted to other girls. It's hard to remember, but there are so many understanding people out there who won't care about your label. There is nothing wrong with being bisexual, and I hope that people don't ever make you feel like there is.
February 8th, 2016 3:44pm
Just know that you will find that right person who won't think that! I'm Bi, myself
February 9th, 2016 11:32pm
Biphobia is a common thing in our society, unfortunately. It's awful, but one of the main things that you can do, is to remember that you, and your sexuality is utterly valid.
March 15th, 2016 11:36pm
When you begin dating, tell your SO these fears. Seek their validation first. I myself have experienced this as a bi girl. If your SO does believe these stereotypes/assumptions, clear it up with them. Communication is very important. Especially involving sexuality.
July 4th, 2017 2:39am
That is definitely a struggle that bi people face a lot, and I'll tell you this- people who don't want to date you because you're bi you should not be dating in the first place. And I'm sorry that you have this fear in the first place because people who would leave you would be biphobic. I would also date other bi/pan people if I were you that way they have empathy for that fear, and neither of you would worry about that. Hope this helps!
March 23rd, 2020 4:35am
This may be a case of internalized biphobia. While this does exist, and there are some individuals who may look negatively toward you because you are bi, there are so much more people who will love you for who you are. Your fear is valid, but always remember that the right person won't care so much about things like that. If a man you are interested in thinks that, they may want to reevaluate their opinions, and if they keep thinking that while in a relationship with you, then that means they must not see you for the wonderful and beautiful person you are. XOXO William
August 24th, 2020 12:40pm
For what this is worth, I'm bisexual as well. It can be a challenging place to be when it comes to dating, relationships etc. (everyone has their struggles for sure). I understand your concern regarding women or men specifically not wanting to stay or be with you because of fears. What I found is that with the right people, those fears tend to naturally dissipate. They disappear because the focus is on being happy with the person you're dating. It's entirely possible to date a woman or a man as a bisexual person. It's also something that I think that you disclose when you're comfortable with that person.