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My husband said he was gay but has never had sex with a guy? Weve been married for two years and weve never had intimacy problems. He is socially awkward too. I caught him sexting guys

3 Answers
Last Updated: 10/01/2019 at 11:02am
1 Tip to Feel Better
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Caroline Middelsdorf, MSc.


I am a warm hearted, patient, calm and open-minded therapist. I am here to dedicate my expertises to my clients and their individual challenges, thoughts and feelings.

Top Rated Answers
- Expert in LGBTQ+ Issues
October 1st, 2019 11:02am
It is totally possible for people to discover and/or to admit to themselves and others their sexuality later in life. Maybe your husband was holding back due to internalized homophobia, strict upbringing, social fears... And yes, it's possible to be gay and still have a functional sexual life with the opposite gender. Your husband was brave to tell you, but I understand how you feel. It's important to keep talking about it, to figure out what you both want and need and how to achieve it. Whatever it takes, you both deserve to be happy. However, it's also important to make him feel accepted and supported. Even if he may need to find his own way, knowing that you don't judge him will help him, and not holding resentments will help you going through this.
December 19th, 2017 11:24pm
A person's sexuality isn't determined by who they sleep with, but, rather, who they're attracted to. I don't know your husbands reasons for marrying you or why you've had no problems in the bedroom, but don't assume he's not gay just because he's never had sex with a man. At this point, I would guess that the best next step would be to ask him if he still wants to be married and ask yourself the same question. If he (or you) says yes, ask why. If you want to try to make it work somehow, good on ya, but you're probably going to need to work it out in therapy because that's a very difficult situation to be in.
April 3rd, 2018 9:25am
Maybe your husband is having issues with repressed feelings; it is entirely possible he is attracted to both men and women. Maybe he is just having difficulty accepting that?