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Why is my daughter a lesbian?

135 Answers
Last Updated: 07/12/2021 at 12:27pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Tracy-Kate Teleke, PsyD, M.A., LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

I assist adults and couples in CA experiencing relationship challenges and interpersonal struggles including anxiety, depression, and a myriad of other life challenges.

Top Rated Answers
August 19th, 2015 6:18am
She is a lesbian because she was born that way. She likes other girls the same way you like whoever you like. Just accept and love her no matter what.
September 27th, 2015 4:13pm
Perhaps she has been influenced from the media/her friends/other sources. It could be that she lacks a male role model/any male person in her life which has lead her to automatically be attracted to girls.
August 19th, 2015 4:55am
There's no reason why she is a lesbian, people can't control their sexual orientations and attractions. If you asked someone why they are heterosexual they probably wouldn't know the answer. "I just am" is the usual response. That's probably how your child feels, all sexualities are natural and uncontrollable.
November 25th, 2015 4:44am
Because she was born that way? She is attracted to other girls. It must feel scary to think your daughter is a lesbian?
November 22nd, 2015 2:08am
Why are you straight? The answer is that you were born that way. Your daughter is a lesbian for the same reason.
November 11th, 2015 6:26pm
I think asking the question "why is my daughter a lesbian" could be quite offensive especially to teenagers and young adults. I am a lesbian and in my opinion do not see anything wrong with being able to express myself or let others know what my sexual orientation is at the present time. In my opinion when I told my foster parents I was a lesbian they weren't supportive until after they started reading some of the literature I left all around the house. In my honest opinion I did not choose to become a lesbian instead it was something that came upon me after a serious of events, which were traumatic. Please do not be critical or hurtful because your daughter just informed you that she is a lesbian. In my opinion there are far more worse things a child could tell you.
November 28th, 2015 1:51pm
You're daughter is lesbian because she like females, you're daughter may also like horses or the color pink. You're daughter doesn't just decide to be a lesbian. She was born one.
December 6th, 2015 2:58am
Why do you breathe air? Why do you drink water? Why do you eat food? Why do you ask? Why does it matter? Because she is and she does, that's all you need.
December 6th, 2015 10:10pm
There isn't a "why". Being lesbian isn't a choice. She's born like that, and as a parent that might be difficult to understand at the begining, but all you have to do is support her because she need love and compassion, especially from her parents.
November 8th, 2015 3:58am
Why are you straight? It's a preference. Like liking vanilla or chocolate. There's no reason, you just simply perfer one flavour over the other. Just accept and love her.
November 25th, 2015 12:25am
Your daughter is likely a lesbian because she is attracted to women and would like to have a romantic partnership with one someday when she's ready for one. It has nothing to do with how she was raised or anything else, she just feels that way. It's just as valid and natural as your sexual preference, it's just a little more controversial.
August 21st, 2015 2:57am
Some people are just born that way, just as she was born a brunette or a blonde or a ginger. There is nothing you can do about it, but embrace it and support her. Show her that you love her no matter what. After all, family comes first: everything else comes second.
August 21st, 2015 9:06pm
People can't choose their sexuality, they are born this way. So there is no reason why your daughter is a lesbian, jus like there's no reason why your daughter is a girl. It might be difficult for you to understand and get to terms with this but I hope for you and your daugther that you can figure it out and that everything turns out alright for both of you! :)
August 23rd, 2015 5:51pm
Your daughter might not feel comfortable with a man . He might make her feel weird she might not like male and woman intercourse. Around a woman she might feel safer and really loved. Women are emotional creatures so she might want someone who understands her.
September 4th, 2015 2:49am
Your daughter is a lesbian for the same reason some people are straight, or bisexual, or transgender. That is the way she is naturally, and there is nothing at all wrong with that. In the end, as long as your daughter is happy, that is all that should matter.
September 5th, 2015 11:04am
Your daughter is a lesbian because that's the way it is, and theres not much to do about it! Accept her and everything will be alright
September 8th, 2015 7:20pm
Your daughter is a lesbian because that's who she is. There's no way around it. She was born that way and will always be attracted to other females.
September 26th, 2015 8:51pm
You cannot choose your sexual orientation. Your daughter was born that way. Many people often don't realize their sexual orientation until they're older because of how our society sees sexuality. Until I came to college I believed I was straight. I eventually realized I'm equally attracted to all genders and there's nothing wrong with that. I know it may be hard to accept that your daughter likes other girls, but that is who she is and what she needs most is to feel accepted and supported by those who love her. Even though she likes/loves other girls, she is still your daughter. Connect to her and talk to her. Communication is key in every relationship.
September 20th, 2016 1:00am
Your daughter is a lesbian because she was born that way. You didn't "raise her wrong" nor did she "choose" to be a lesbian. That's just how she is. Nothing happened to make her this way, it's just who she is.
August 20th, 2015 5:32pm
It's not a choice, you can't really say why. It's genetics, it's how she's born. It's like asking, "Why are your eyes green?" or "Why are you 5 feet tall?" You didn't do anything to make her a lesbian, it's just how she is. Just remember to support her because this can be a very tough time for her, and make sure to support her no matter what. Make sure to tell her you love her, and mean it. But my final answer is there really is no answer. It's not a choice.
August 23rd, 2015 6:18pm
Because that's how she is. This is NOT a choice for her ,she can't change it. Be supportive for her because society will be hard enough on want her happy?accept her for who she is.
September 19th, 2015 1:42am
Coming from a lesbian teenager your daughter might be confused herself and doesn't know why she feels this way and supporting her is the best thing you can do is not worry about 'why' but rather 'what you can do to support her' and make her feel most comfortable in her own skin. It's just the way she feels and a happy daughter is much better than a miserable daughter.
November 9th, 2015 11:21pm
you cannot choice your sexuality. Everybody is born differently and it jut so happens that your daughter prefers girl. it doesn't make her any less human.
November 19th, 2015 11:26am
People are attracted to the same sex. People are attracted to the opposite sex. People are attracted to both and all sexes. All are okay and are normal.
November 27th, 2015 5:47pm
It is just who she is . It is ok to be gay or lesbian . She is still the same daughter you know but now you know she likes girls. Why is she a lesbian I think there is no reason she just is .
November 29th, 2015 2:39pm
maybe it's because of the environmen?t friends? ... Or.. *I'm not judging you I'm a lesbian too and this is my reason* maybe it has something to do with you . on how you treat your child. You can atleast talk to them even for a short time . talk to them seriously but without any interruptions/shouting. .. or maybe she is suffering from something *sh'e sick/she has a problem on her own* that's why she decides to rebel and to do that :
December 6th, 2015 7:14pm
Your daughter is a lesbian because that is who she finds mentally, physically, sexually, an emotionally attractive. Much like you are whatever sexual orientation you are.
June 4th, 2018 7:47am
Because she feels that a male isn't who she needs by her side. She wants a female by her side, and that should be supported by any means and I sincerely hope it is. It might be hard for her to be open about this, so please take her feelings to consideration in this. She isn't a lesbian to spite you, or anyone else.
- Expert in LGBTQ+ Issues
August 5th, 2019 9:21pm
Because she was born this way. Homosexuality has been scientifically proved to be a natural and innate orientation, it's born with us and it's not due to something that happens in our life. And homosexual people are not better or worse than others, they're just people, with qualities and flaws just like everyone else. And if you fear she'll have a difficult life, there are many homosexual who live perfectly normal, happy and fulfilling lives. What matters is that they feel accepted and loved for who they are. This is the best gift you can make to your daughter.
August 19th, 2015 3:02pm
Your daughter may be a lesbian because it is what makes her comfortable and what she relates to. Sexuality can be difficult to deal with at times and is even fluid. Giving her space and time to reflect on her level of comfort can be important for her as well.